Sometimes, even when an
act is not fully forgiven, people continue to co-exist with their
relationships, though perhaps in a slightly altered form. Many couples stay in
marriages even when a transgression by one has never been forgiven by the
other. For whatever reason, the aggrieved party decides to stow away their
feelings of hurt, despite not being able or willing to bestow the gift of
forgiveness on their partner.
Here’s some advice from
Juan L. Christian, a teacher whose quote comes without any additional reference
information, “As you sojourn through
life, forgive. No matter what has been done to you, said about you, or how painful
it may be. In the end you will feel the warmth of the tapestry of love you’ve
created.”
There is a North
American Indian proverb that offers advice on not turning those you cannot
forgive into enemies, “One foe is too
many and a hundred friends are too few.”
Of course, most of the
time the people you are unable to forgive do not become your enemies, they are
simply removed from your life through your own courses of action.
Unfortunately, in doing so, you miss the opportunity to reap the personal rewards
that forgiving others bequeaths.
Naturally, forgiveness
is also a core component of true friendships. Moulton Farnham illustrated this
as follows, “Our friends are those who
know their own faults well enough to forgive us ours.”
And, of course, forgiveness
is a critical aspect of parenthood. After all, one’s children are a
never-ending source for opportunities to practice and display forgiveness! From
throwing tantrums to breaking things, and from violating the trust placed in
them to committing foolish or illegal acts, children and teenagers require a
great deal of forgiveness.
But there is another
aspect of forgiveness and parenting. Being a parent also means at times asking
forgiveness from one’s children. After all, none of us are perfect, despite our
parental attempts and displays to prove otherwise. Kevin Leman, an author and
speaker, has aptly written, “I believe
the time we really look big in a child’s eyes is when we go to them and
apologize for our mistakes and we say: I was wrong, will you forgive me?”
Dr. David Simon has an
entire chapter on forgiveness in his book The
Ten Commitments, which is well worth reading and referring to from time to
time. A highlight from this chapter is:
Forgiveness
brings divinity to humanity. More than a mere mood or sentiment, it radiates
from a heart that has released pain, resentment, regret, disappointment and
guilt. Forgiveness is a practice. It has the power to release constrictions in
your heart that inhibit your ability to love.
Practice forgiveness and
you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness.
Practice forgiveness and
you will increase your ability to love on all fronts.
Practice forgiveness and
you will become a better individual, partner, friend, parent, and even
co-worker.
[This three-part series on Forgiveness is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life.]
The previous two blog posts in this series were:
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