Self Respect

Having Low Self Esteem Is Like Driving Through Life With The Handbrake On

The other important aspect of respect is self respect.

Like many attributes in life, respect for yourself is something you must have before you can give it to others. It is almost impossible to respect and love others if you do not respect and love yourself.

For, as Zig Ziglar has pointed out, "The most influential person who will talk to you all day is you, so you should be very careful about what you say to you!" Your heightened self awareness and self understanding, as highlighted in chapter five, is very critical.

If you are not careful, your constant chatter with yourself will pull you down through negative thoughts that create a poor attitude, an unattractive demeanor and reduced self esteem.

That is why it is important to understand and be aware of what motivates you and what drives your own self respect to lower levels. After all, having low self esteem is like driving through life with your personal handbrake on. 

"To think bad thoughts," notes James Clavell, "is really the easiest thing in the world. If you leave your mind to itself it will spiral down into ever increasing unhappiness. To think good thoughts, however, requires effort. This is one of the things that discipline ─ training ─ is about."

How do you eliminate, or at least control, the bad thoughts buzzing throughout your mind? Jim Rohn answers this question with a gardening metaphor: "You cannot take the mild approach to the weeds in your mental garden. You have got to hate weeds enough to kill them. Weeds are not something you handle; weeds are something you devastate."

You need not be controlled by your thoughts. In fact, you have immense control over your own thoughts, even the subconscious ones. Scientific studies have shown that the subconscious mind can only think what it is told. It cannot create new thought patterns by itself; but only through external stimuli.

Thus, if you tell yourself you are sad, unhappy or angry, then that is what your subconscious will believe and hence will direct you to act accordingly. However, if you tell yourself that you have a significant number of things to be grateful for, no matter how dire the current circumstances may seem, then you will approach your situation in a more positive, optimistic and happier manner.

The key is to fully understand yourself and how you allow situations, comments, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions impact you. As Nido Qubein has written, "Total, unconditional acceptance of yourself is the first step in building a positive self-image." 

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal and professional development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle ($6.88) and paperback ($7.90) formats.