Respecting Yourself

Life is more pleasant when you respect yourself and others. 

Now, a word of caution about Self Respect! 

This is not a self-hype, temporary motivational exercise. 

Yes, there is a role for motivational affirmations that temporarily build short-term bursts of self belief (especially in sports and other performance or competitive activities). We have all witnessed underdogs will themselves to victories in countless movies and sporting events.

Rather, this is a long-haul journey requiring the patience and compassion described by Shakti Gawain in our previous post More Thoughts on Self Respect. 

It also requires complete and honest truth with one's self. We all have strengths and limitations. No one is perfect. You have to be honest with yourself about your imperfections.

"Above all," as Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky said, "do not lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lies comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, around him, and so loses all respect for himself and others."

You will know when you are lying to yourself and trying to rationalize some course of action that your conscience is advising against. Follow your conscience and you will wake up each morning with a greater amount of respect for yourself. Disobey your conscience and the seeds of regret and self disenchantment begin to sprout. As William Penn wrote, "Only trust thyself and another shall not betray thee."

You also need to respect yourself enough to walk away from anything ─ or anyone ─ that no longer renews you, helps you grow or makes you happy. Of course, this is not to suggest that you run away from your responsibilities (particularly parental ones) or your relationships simply because you are unhappy or not feeling any growth. In fact, personal growth will come from how you work your way through such situations.

On the other hand, as Zig Ziglar points out, "Life is too short to spend your precious time trying to convince a person who wants to live in gloom and doom otherwise. Give lifting that person your best show but don't hang around long enough for his or her bad attitude to pull you down. Instead, surround yourself with optimistic people."

Respecting yourself also includes limiting the amount of damage you do to your body through over eating, alcohol, drugs, and your sleeping patterns.

Respect is not something that you turn on and off like a water tap. It should gush from you at all times, toward all people, living creatures, the environment, property, and things in general.

Yes, you will occasionally come across people whose actions do not warrant respect. In such situations it is best to recall Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's words above to treat such people "as if they were what they ought to be." In doing so, perhaps you might just help them overcome whatever obstacles and hurdles they face and be a factor in them becoming what they ought to be.

Even if your own respectful actions do not seem to have any impact on them, at least you will be left with a positive, respectful feeling toward yourself. 

Such a feeling makes it easier to walk away from idiots and those with self-proclaimed authority while maintaining peace with yourself instead of being angry with them and the world.

Just add a little bit of respect into each of your encounters with others, and life will become a whole lot more pleasant and rewarding. 

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal and professional development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback ($7.90) and Kindle ($6.88) formats. 

Self Respect

Having Low Self Esteem Is Like Driving Through Life With The Handbrake On

The other important aspect of respect is self respect.

Like many attributes in life, respect for yourself is something you must have before you can give it to others. It is almost impossible to respect and love others if you do not respect and love yourself.

For, as Zig Ziglar has pointed out, "The most influential person who will talk to you all day is you, so you should be very careful about what you say to you!" Your heightened self awareness and self understanding, as highlighted in chapter five, is very critical.

If you are not careful, your constant chatter with yourself will pull you down through negative thoughts that create a poor attitude, an unattractive demeanor and reduced self esteem.

That is why it is important to understand and be aware of what motivates you and what drives your own self respect to lower levels. After all, having low self esteem is like driving through life with your personal handbrake on. 

"To think bad thoughts," notes James Clavell, "is really the easiest thing in the world. If you leave your mind to itself it will spiral down into ever increasing unhappiness. To think good thoughts, however, requires effort. This is one of the things that discipline ─ training ─ is about."

How do you eliminate, or at least control, the bad thoughts buzzing throughout your mind? Jim Rohn answers this question with a gardening metaphor: "You cannot take the mild approach to the weeds in your mental garden. You have got to hate weeds enough to kill them. Weeds are not something you handle; weeds are something you devastate."

You need not be controlled by your thoughts. In fact, you have immense control over your own thoughts, even the subconscious ones. Scientific studies have shown that the subconscious mind can only think what it is told. It cannot create new thought patterns by itself; but only through external stimuli.

Thus, if you tell yourself you are sad, unhappy or angry, then that is what your subconscious will believe and hence will direct you to act accordingly. However, if you tell yourself that you have a significant number of things to be grateful for, no matter how dire the current circumstances may seem, then you will approach your situation in a more positive, optimistic and happier manner.

The key is to fully understand yourself and how you allow situations, comments, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions impact you. As Nido Qubein has written, "Total, unconditional acceptance of yourself is the first step in building a positive self-image." 

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal and professional development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle ($6.88) and paperback ($7.90) formats. 

Express Your Gratitude Formally and Informally

A Key Component of Gratitude Is Expressing This To Others 

Gratitude on the micro, day-to-day interaction level is equally important in achieving satisfaction and contentment along your life journey. 

One of the laws of the universe clearly seems to be that the more grateful you are for the people and little things in your life, the more people and little things will come your way to be grateful for. 

Here is how a few motivational speakers have defined this concept over the years:

There is no better opportunity to receive more than to be thankful for what you already have. Thanksgiving opens the windows of opportunity for ideas to flow your way. ~Jim Rohn

The more you recognize and express gratitude for the things you have, the more things you will have to express gratitude for. ~Zig Ziglar

Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life. ~Christiane Northrup

Like the ability to expertly tell a joke, being able to express gratitude (on a more micro level) is becoming a lost skill. 

Too few people stop to say thanks any more, either formally or informally. People will dash off an email to voice a complaint, yet few will take the time to be courteous with a single note of thanks.

Perhaps because expressions of personal gratitude are so rare, especially formal written ones, they are even more greatly appreciated by recipients. 

In reality, it takes so little effort to sincerely say thank you to everyone who does something for you. 

This is probably one of the easiest habits to form, and yet we somehow let opportunities slip past us, and others to be handled with unfelt, insincere utterances of "thanks" rather than a robust, and heart-felt "THANK YOU."

As William Arthur Ward, the author of Fountains of Faith and one of the most quoted writers of inspirational maxims wrote, "Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." 

As you continue to make 2016 your personal Year of Gratitude, remember that a key component of sincere gratitude is expressing this to others, both formally and informally.

Please share other ideas you have in the comments section below. Thank You! 

This article is partially excerpted from our best-selling book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available today in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon. 

Make 2016 Your Personal Year of Gratitude

Be Truly Appreciative and Thankful Has Many Benefits 

Throughout the ages, philosophers, thinkers, gurus, sages, and leaders of every spiritual and religious tradition have taught that the cultivation of gratitude is a key to experiencing deeper levels of fulfillment, self esteem, well being and authentic happiness on an individual level.

Gratitude has also long been seen as necessary for creating a more robust, friendly, co-operative society on a tribal or collective level.

In fact, some thinkers have put gratitude at the top of their attitude lists, including these two:

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all others. ~Marcus Cicero

Of all the attitudes we can acquire, surely the attitude of gratitude is the most important and by far the most life changing. ~Zig Ziglar

Whether it is first or not, gratitude will certainly unlock your character and create more fullness in your life.

Gratitude, from a Project You Life Journey approach, takes place on two levels: 

a) the macro view of being thankful for the opportunity of life, and 

b) at the micro, day-to-day dealings with people.

Gratitude is not simply being thankful or feeling blessed for the positive events in your life and for the range of happy and satisfied emotions you feel. 

Rather, it is about being truly appreciative and thankful for being given the opportunity to experience this world as a living, breathing, thinking, and feeling sentient being.

As we are only mid-way into January, it's not too late for all of us to make a commitment to make 2016 your Year of Gratitude. Feel free to share your ideas on how to do this in the comments section below. (We'll be most grateful!) 

This article is partially excerpted from the Amazon best-selling book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in paperback and Kindle formats. 

Motivation Creates Compelling Images For Success

Real Motivation Is That Drive From Within

According to motivational speaker Zig Ziglar, "People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing. That's why we recommend it daily."

His pithy saying on motivation is at the heart of why some people get motivated and others do not. Everybody has their moments of motivation; a time when sparks go off internally and they tell themselves (or others) "I am going to do this or that."

"Real motivation is that drive from within," believes motivational speaker Denis Waitley. "You know where you are going because you have a compelling image inside, not a travel poster on the wall."

Adds his fellow motivational speaker Brian Tracy, "The clearer you are about the consequences of your actions and the more intensely you desire to enjoy the consequences that your behaviors may lead to, the more motivated you will be."

The closer you are to self actualization on Maslow's scale, the greater will self satisfaction be as a motivating factor. Naturally, there are few greater reasons for doing anything than taking action because it fits in with your own self image or because it has importance and relevance to you.

When you combine this kind of motivation with determination and commitment, you are nearly unstoppable. You may never achieve the exact, glorious outcome you envision for yourself, but whatever you achieve through motivated action will be far greater than living a passive existence where life simply passes you by.

As Abraham Lincoln noted, "Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing."

Let your personal resolution to achieve your ProjectYou Life Journey goals be your fundamental motivating factor and A Determined Life will be yours. 

This article is excerpted from Project You: Living A Determined Life, a best-selling book at Amazon available in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Following Your Conscience Creates Self Respect

Increasing Self Respect Makes Life More Pleasant 

You know instinctively when you are lying to yourself and trying to rationalize some course of action that your conscience is advising against. 

Going against your conscience usually results in a unpleasant results and a decrease in self respect. 

Follow your conscience and you will wake up each morning with a greater amount of respect for yourself. Disobey your conscience and the seeds of regret and self disenchantment begin to sprout. As William Penn wrote, "Only trust thyself and another shall not betray thee." 

You also need to respect yourself enough to walk away from anything -- or anyone -- that no longer renews you, helps you grow or makes you happy. 

Of course, this is not to suggest that you run away from your responsibilities (particularly parental ones) or your relationships simply because you are unhappy or not feeling any growth. In fact, personal growth will come from how you work your way through such situations.

On the other hand, as Zig Ziglar points out, "Life is too short to spend your precious time trying to convince a person who wants to live in gloom and doom otherwise. Give lifting that person your best show but don't hang around long enough for his or her bad attitude to pull you down. Instead, surround yourself with optimistic people." 

Respecting yourself also includes limiting the amount of damage you do to your body through over eating, alcohol, drugs, and your sleeping patterns. 

Respect is not something that you turn on and off like a water tap. It should gush from you at all times, toward all people, living creatures, the environment, property, and things in general. 

But, of course, before you can truly give respect to others, you have to have respect for yourself. 

Yes, you will occasionally come across people whose actions do not warrant respect. In such situations it is best to recall Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's words above to treat such people "as if they were what they ought to be." In doing so, perhaps you might just help them overcome whatever obstacles and hurdles they face and be a factor in them becoming what they ought to be. 

Even if your own respectful actions do not seem to have any impact on them, at least you will be left with a positive, respectful feeling toward yourself. Such a feeling makes it easier to walk away from idiots and those with self-proclaimed ambits of authority while maintaining peace with yourself instead of being angry with them and the world. 

Just add a little bit of respect into each of your encounters with others, and life will become a whole lot more pleasant and rewarding. 

Please take 10 minutes and think about ways you can improve your own self respect, and what actions you can take to bring more respect into the world around you.

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon.