Creating Authentic Interpersonal Relationships

Authentic Values and Qualities Create True Friendships 

It is natural to want others to like us; to find us enchanting, likable, friendly, attractive, engaging, personable, worthwhile, approachable, and dozens of other positive descriptors. 

Except for those who dwell within the Self Actualization segment in the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs, everyone wants people to like them, even those who say they don't care what people think about them.

In fact, it is natural to care about what others think about you. It is also natural to have a desire to be respected, appreciated, loved, wanted, and viewed positively. Social scientists say that interactions with others are a vital component of our sense of self esteem, overall happiness, and even feelings of well being. 

Likewise, when we experience rejection, hear that someone has been bad mouthing us, or find out that someone does not like us our levels of self esteem, happiness and well being are negatively affected. It is not unusual for personal rejection to cause momentary bouts of deep pain, emotional outbursts and even intense sadness.

Being accepted by others is one of the key rungs on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. So to say that this is an important facet of our human journey is a bit of an understatement. 

Unfortunately, most of us put up false fronts and use a myriad of disguises in vain attempts to attract others to us, or for us to get invited into desired circles and groups. These attempts at trying to make others like us, even when it means sacrificing part of our persona or authenticity, is nothing more than a game of masks and false identities. It is also a futile endeavor, especially over the long haul of one's life journey.

It is probably due to the falsity of the approaches used by everyone playing this game that most non-family friendships and relationships throughout one's life are temporary and impermanent. Very few relationships and friendships can withstand the scrutiny of reality when the masks and false fronts are removed, and the true and authentic selves emerge over time. It is little wonder that the label "false friend" is readily applied when friendships and relationships end in acrimonious, bitter and spiteful fashion.

The secret to creating authentic relationships is to know, understand, respect, and love yourself. 

Once you are authentic with yourself, you can be authentic with others. Authentic people do not judge themselves or others, but rather seek authenticity in others and base their relationships on the type and level of authenticity found.

Being attractive to the kinds of people you want, desire, or need in your life means exuding your authenticity in every action taken (or not taken) and every word spoken (or not spoken).  

When others witness and experience your own authentic values and qualities, the ones you will attract into your life are more likely to be genuinely appreciative of your values and qualities. They are also more likely to be emotionally, mentally and spiritually in-tune with your emotional, mental and spiritual selves. 

This article is excerpted from our book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats.