Words of Wisdom on Forgiveness

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that thee prisoner was you." 

The above quote from Lewis B. Smedes is so very true.

Many of us are caught within our own inability to forgive, forget, and move on.

Forgiveness is a process. It takes time. And the process starts with ourselves. We have to stop and recognize that our strung out emotions, thoughts, hurt, and pain were caused by our reactions to someone's deeds or words. Or to an event or situation that happened to us.

As we wrote in yesterday's post on Forgiveness Words of Wisdom, forgiving and forgetting is easy to say, but often very hard to do. Especially during the holiday season.

To help you find inner peace through forgiveness during the forthcoming holiday season, we are providing our book Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom for free in Kindle format over the next few days.

Currently ranked in the top 30 books on Amazon in the category of Dysfunctional Relationships and #111 in the category Personal Transformation, Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom will provide you with tips, hints, and motivational quotes to help you overcome the many obstacles to forgiveness and to guide you through the forgiveness process.

Probably the biggest obstacles to forgiving are the many unconscious beliefs we have about forgiveness and what forgiveness means. Deciding how and when to forgive inevitably means uncovering and discrediting these false beliefs ingrained within.

All of us struggle with forgiveness at various points in our lives. Please help others out by making them aware of this free book offer, which expires on Tuesday November 21st.

Click on this book title to download your free copy of Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom. 

International Forgiveness Day

Forgiving Others Benefits You 

Today is International Forgiveness Day, which is such a great concept we just had to share it with you:

Here are links to three Project You Life blog posts from February last year on forgiveness:

The Gift of Forgiveness 

The Art of Forgiveness 

The Benefits of Forgiveness 

 

Remember, as we wrote last year: 

Practice forgiveness and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness.

Practice forgiveness and you will increase your ability to love on all fronts.

Practice forgiveness and you will become a better individual, partner, friend, parent, and even co-worker. 

Take two minutes and forgive someone today. 

Practice forgiveness and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness.

Practice forgiveness and you will increase your ability to love on all fronts.

Practice forgiveness and you will become a better individual, partner, friend, parent, and even co-worker.

- See more at: http://projectyoulifeblog.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-benefits-of-forgiveness.html#sthash.JU44W5hy.dpuf

Practice forgiveness and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness.

Practice forgiveness and you will increase your ability to love on all fronts.

Practice forgiveness and you will become a better individual, partner, friend, parent, and even co-worker.

- See more at: http://projectyoulifeblog.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-benefits-of-forgiveness.html#sthash.JU44W5hy.dpuf

Practice forgiveness and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness.

Practice forgiveness and you will increase your ability to love on all fronts.

Practice forgiveness and you will become a better individual, partner, friend, parent, and even co-worker.

- See more at: http://projectyoulifeblog.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-benefits-of-forgiveness.html#sthash.JU44W5hy.dpuf

Purposely Forgetting The Actions You Have Forgiven

Our previous three posts have been on the gift, art and benefits of forgiving.

The next step after forgiveness is to purposely forget whatever actions, words, transgressions, or trespasses you have forgiven.

This is the only way to ensure that events of the past do not impact the present or your future.

Our brains are pretty good at selective memory and recall. When it comes to the people whose actions or words have done us harm, it is vital to bring this selective memory functionality into use.

It is said that time heals all wounds. That may be true (though often it is not for people are capable of holding grudges and maintaining anger until their deaths), but there is no need to wait for time to run its course to complete the healing process.

In order to fully benefit from the power of forgiveness you must store the details of the transgression in the deepest chambers of your memory and not allow these to surface unnecessarily.

Otherwise the transgression and its associated emotions of hurt and anger will repeatedly bubble to the forefront of your memory like some recurring nightmare. With it will come all the hate and venom you retain for the other person, thus negating the benefits gleaned through forgiveness.

Don't believe this can be done? How about all the trespasses and transgressions you have made against others over the years? Can you recall all of these? Not likely.

For the ones you do remember, you probably experience feelings of regret, sorrow, embarrassment, anger, or remorse. As these are uncomfortable feelings that you are unlikely to enjoy, you subconsciously or purposely repress the memories of your wrongful actions.

Since you are not likely to want to continue experiencing the painful feelings that come from recalling what you have forgiven, you need to consciously and purposely put into place the same memory repression of the transgressions and trespasses against you. Otherwise, the next time you encounter or interact with the person you have supposedly forgiven, these painful emotions and feelings will return and you will struggle to fight them off.

This is why previously married couples often remain angry with one another and spiteful to each other years after their divorce decrees have been finalized. As long as they continue to recall the past negative events or previous hurt feelings they associate with each other, they will maintain contempt for one another. Only by placing the past fully into the past and locking away their negative and detracting memories through purposely forgetting will they be able to get on with their lives and reap the benefits of forgiveness.

Until we achieve high levels of self actualization, we will all retain a tendency to allow ourselves to be hurt by the transgressions, trespasses, words, and wrongful actions of others. Remember, it is how we react to situations and people that cause us true pain and affliction, not the actual events or people themselves. 

Likewise it remains in our power to purposely forget these occurrences as we please, knowing that doing so will heightened the personal benefits we gain from forgiving others.

The Art of Forgiveness

“Forgiveness is a prerequisite for inner peace," says Dr. David Simon, co-founder of the Chopra Center, who adds, “Holding on to grievances, regrets and resentments is a certain recipe for perpetual suffering.”

This extended explanation from Doc Childre and Howard Martin from their book The HeartMath Solutions sheds further light:

The incoherence that results from holding on to resentments and unforgiving attitudes keeps you from being aligned with your true self. It can block you from your next level of quality life experience. Metaphorically, it’s the curtain standing between the room you’re living in now and a new room, much larger and full of beautiful objects. The act of forgiveness removes the curtain. Clearing up your old accounts can free up so much energy that you jump right into a whole new house. Forgiving releases you from the punishment of a self-made prison where you are both the inmate and the jailer.

Forgiveness is a strength which, while giving comfort or solace to others, has significant recompense for the giver. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

And, as we wrote in our previous post, forgiveness is a gift that is a gift greater to one's own self than to the person you forgive.

Forgiveness is also a loving act as well as an act of love. What’s the difference? A loving act is a charitable one. This is how most people view forgiveness, as an act of charity that is given to another. But in reality forgiveness is a true act of love, the return from which flows more greatly to the giver than to the given, especially when the act eliminates or reduces the feelings of bitterness, resentment, hatred, or disdain in the giver.

William Arthur Ward, the author of Fountains of Faith, had many things to say about love and forgiveness, two of which were:

Hatred and bitterness can never cure the disease of fear, only love can do that. Hatred paralyses life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.

Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.

Does forgiveness mean simply forgetting the wrongs done to you by others? Not at all. But it does mean not letting the wrongs jeopardize the relationship that you have with another, especially if this relationship is significant or meaningful to you.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., a man who deeply understood the importance of tolerance and forgiveness on the larger, social scale, had this to say, “Forgiveness does not mean ignoring what has been done or putting a false label on an evil act. It means, rather, that the evil act no longer remains as a barrier to the relationship.”

Practice the art of forgiving and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness.