Happiness vs. Being Happy

There is a difference between the state of happiness and being happy. 

Seeking happiness through experiences and pleasures rarely works. 

As the social writer and philosopher Eric Hoffer noted, "The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness." 

Adds English novelist C. P. Snow, "The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it."

Novelist Nathaniel Hawthorne described the search for happiness this way: "Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond our grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."

There is a difference between the state of happiness and being happy, having pleasure and experiencing enjoyment. The latter are short-term, temporary feelings based on experiences and thoughts. To put it simply: going to the movies can make you happy, but it has nothing to do with true happiness.

Helen Keller said that true happiness "is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." 

From a Project You Life perspective, that worthy purpose of which she wrote is living a meaningful and full life, as defined by Dr. Seligman:

The meaningful life: using your signature strengths and virtues in the service of something much larger than you are.

A full life: experience the positive emotions about the past and future, savoring positive feelings from the pleasures, deriving abundant gratification from your signature strengths, and using these strengths in the service of something larger to obtain meaning.

The Greek philosopher Democritus said, "Happiness resides not in possessions or gold; the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul."

What else dwells in the soul? 

Caring, giving and kindness are all inherent characteristics of our souls. 

Perhaps, therefore, a key path to happiness comes from caring about others and giving kindness and help to others. 

Could these be the fundamental causes of real happiness? 

The greater our giving and kindness, the greater is our spiritual and innate happiness. Hence, increase your giving and kindness and you are likely to be rewarded with greater spiritual and authentic happiness. 

Uncertain about such a connection? Well, it won't hurt you to try!  

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle ($6.88) and paperback ($7.89) formats. 

Generosity

Our Greatest Giving is of Our Time and Kindness 

Generosity is more than just gift giving or donating money. 

As Jim Rohn said, "One of the greatest gifts you can give to anyone is the gift of attention." Just being there for someone and listening to them without criticism or judgment is definitely an act of generosity.

As writer Joyce Hifler penned, "Giving is so often thought of in terms of the gifts we give, but our greatest giving is of our time, and kindness, and even comfort for those who need it. We look on these little things as unimportant ── until we need them." 

Project You Life Journey Key Elements 

If you can take this "being there" one step further, that is even better. 

"The finest gift you can give anyone is encouragement," noted American poet Sidney Madwed. "Yet almost no one," he added, "gets the encouragement they need to grow to their full potential. If everyone received the encouragement they need to grow, the genius in most everyone would blossom and the world would produce abundance beyond the wildest dreams."  

Benjamin Disraeli, a former British Prime Minister, had a similar view, "The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him/her his/her own."

Here's some good advice from the poet Ralph Waldo Emerson, "You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late." 

This article is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback ($7.90) and Kindle ($6.88) formats. 

8 More Ways to Exhibit Kindness

No Act of Kindness Is Ever Wasted

In our last blog post on kindness in our daily lives, we shared a few ways to exhibit kindness. 

Here are eight more ways to exhibit kindness: 

React to rudeness with compassion. No sense throwing oil on a raging fire and making a bad situation worse. We all have moments of emotional meltdowns, so help those in emotional pain with calm and soothing words of comfort rather than your own angry words of confrontation.

Be generous to those who look like they need it, by letting the person who seems in a rush to go ahead of you at the check-out line or by giving up your seat on public transportation to someone who looks tired and worn out.

Truly mean the words "please" and "thank you" when you say them, and be sure to smile and look the other person in the eyes so that they sense your sincerity and genuineness.

Constantly be generous with your praise of others. It's amazing how far a bit of praise goes in creating energy, passion and enthusiasm in others.

Greatly reduce your criticisms and complaints about others, particularly behind their backs. The old rule about "if you cannot say anything good about someone, don't say anything at all" is sage advice.

Remind yourself of your previous acts of kindness, which is sure to bring a slight smile to your face. Such positive memories are a good way to spark new ideas on how you can continue to exhibit kindness to others.

Be grateful for the good things and people that come your way, and remind yourself that every act of kindness you generate produces feelings of gratitude and appreciation in others.

Remember that small acts of kindness count large, especially to the recipients. So give help to the person struggling with their onboard luggage, help the elderly or infirm cross the street, ask the stranger looking lost if they need directions. And always share your umbrella with those caught out in the rain without one of their own.

Many of the examples above may appear to be small and of little impact. However, as Aesop wrote, "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." 

Or, as Kahlil Gibran put it, "The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention."

In addition to the above, you should also be kinder and more gentle with yourself. 

There is little reward to be found in being overly harsh and too critical with one's self. 

While the old saying "kindness starts at home" certainly has a ring of truth to it, it is important to remember that authentic kindness starts with one's self.

Either way, exhibiting kindness to yourself or to others, is sure to bring more authentic happiness into your life. 

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Exhibit More Kindness Daily

Bring Additional Kindness Into the Lives of Others 

A recent blog post showed how extending kindness to others is one way of creating authentic happiness in ourselves. 

Here are several ways to easily add kindness to your personal values and to bring some additional kindness into the lives of others:

Share your knowledge and experiences with others through volunteer talks in schools and your community, or through free content you deliver via the Internet.

Donate used books, magazines, clothes, cookware, dishes, pots, and other items you rarely or never use (de-cluttering your home and your life is always a good feeling).

Provide assistance, comfort or food to those who need it the most, especially the homeless. Rather than toss unused food, bag it up and drive to an area where the homeless hang out or beg. Whenever you see a homeless or hungry person near a fast food outlet you are about to visit, add one healthy item to your order and hand it to that person as you walk to your car or drive away. The thanks you will receive will be well worth the extra few dollars you spend.

Help your neighbors with chores or watching their children so they can have a "date night" or just take some time from their own daily routines.

Make way for those who seem to be in a hurry, even if they appear rude or unfriendly. Perhaps they are dealing with a major personal or family issue, or maybe their work has them stressed. No sense in you getting stressed over their behavior. Better to step aside or allow them to rapidly pass you on the road. Who knows, you might actually be doing them a huge favor by letting them hurry on by.

Surprise your loved ones with notes of encouragement and appreciation. This works particularly well with pre-teenage children, who just love getting a surprised note of love, praise or encouragement from mom or dad in their packed lunches or hidden in their school books.

Actively engage introverts and shy people in small talk whenever you encounter them in hallways, elevators, stores, parties, or other public places. They often have great insights and a lot to say, if only asked and encouraged.

When you add kindness into your daily routine and interactions, you will quickly come to realize that extending kindness and truly felt pleasantries to others is one of the core components of authentic happiness. 

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats.

Mother Teresa on Kindness

Wise Words on Being Kind 

Our previous blog post showed how extending kindness creates authentic happiness in ourselves.

So why is kindness exhibited more frequently on a daily basis? 

Some people are so afraid of being taken advantage of by others that they purposely hide and restrain their desires to be kind. 

These words from Mother Teresa should allay such concerns:

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon.