The Road Map to Authentic Happiness

Compassion, Kindness and Giving Are the Keys to True Happiness 

There is a lot of truth in the old proverb "it is better to give than to receive." 

Perhaps receiving is surface and transient happiness, while giving is deeper and more permanent happiness. After all, anyone who shares, smiles and gives hugs receives a greater happiness through giving than their recipients. 

As the Chinese proverb says, "A bit of perfume always clings to the hand that gives the rose."

You have, no doubt, been exposed to the pithy saying "money cannot buy happiness." As the theologian William Barclay wrote, "The one thing that all men need to learn about joy is that joy has nothing to do with material things, or with a man's outward circumstances. It is the simple fact of human experience that a man living in the lap of luxury can be wretched, and a man in the depths of poverty can overflow with joy." Substitute the word "happiness" for the word "joy" and Barclay's words are equally resolute.

Since happiness is truly self generated, it is simply a waste of time and effort to try and make other people happy. This is not to say you should not do things for other people that gives them momentary pleasures and happy memories. Far from it. Rather, it is usually not worth the effort to try and change a truly unhappy person into a happy one. This is something which only they can do.

You are never responsible for their unhappiness, nor should you ever shoulder the guilt for another person's unhappiness. If they want to go through a period of their life being unhappy with their circumstances and all that befalls them, you have no choice but to let them do so (painful as this is when it happens to a loved one).

Remember, only those who search within will find the root causes of their happiness. Likewise, only those who search within will discover the underlying causes of their unhappiness. Your role in such situations is to help people look within themselves, but you cannot do this for them.

The best approach in dealing with chronic or constant unhappiness is with compassion. In fact, as The Dalai Lama says, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

Don't worry. (Be happy!) This is not to suggest that you should not enjoy the pleasures and happy moments that life brings. Nor is this a suggestion that you should never give joy, happiness and pleasures to others. You simply need to be aware that these temporary enjoyments are not the ultimate happiness you (or they) want to experience.

Also, this is not to say that you should never offer comfort or support to other people. In fact, it is the opposite. Through kindness and providing comfort to others you are more likely to discover the deep-seated happiness within you.

How you seek out your own happiness will be, naturally, up to you. 

There is really no road map anyone can provide you, though living the principles of a Project You Life Journey will be a good start. This journey will help you discover the true happiness that dwells within you.

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback ($7.89) and Kindle ($6.88) formats. 

Generosity and the Law of Karma

You cannot be too kind or generous for the fruit of karma is happiness and success. 

Many people have a belief in what Deepak Chopra calls the Law of Karma, in which every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in kind. 

This is not a New Age belief, but one that has been around for centuries, including the biblical phrase "whatever you sow you shall reap."

In fact, a common belief is "what goes around comes around," a concept depicted cleverly in the movie Pay It Forward. 

In Chopra's book The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success he wrote, "When we choose actions that bring happiness and success to others, the fruit of our karma is happiness and success."

It is not a guaranteed thing, or something that provides an immediate payback, but there definitely seems to be some validity in this concept.

However, you should not be generous or kind to someone merely because you hope or expect to obtain some future reward. Do it because you genuinely want to, and because it is your duty and moral responsibility as a human being to give to others once you have more than you need. 

Corrie ten Boom, a Dutch lady who helped many Jews escape the Nazis during World War II, beautifully said, "The measure of a life, after all, is not its duration, but its donation."

Or, as President Woodrow Wilson put it a few decades earlier, "We are not here merely to make a living. We are here to enrich the world."

Besides, being generous and charitable is one of the paths to happiness. 

Motivational speaker Og Mandino explains, "Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself."

Here's a little tip from Zig Ziglar worth practicing, "Be helpful. When you see a person without a smile, give him yours." Doing so won't solve the world's hunger problem or bring about global peace, but in one small way you will be making a difference to a fellow human.

Be generous with your words, your time, your actions, and your money. Be as generous as you can as often as you can. You will be rewarded with pride in yourself and the respect of those you love.

As speaker Patricia Fripp says, "You cannot be too kind or too generous." 

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback ($7.90) and Kindle ($6.88) formats. 

Generosity

Our Greatest Giving is of Our Time and Kindness 

Generosity is more than just gift giving or donating money. 

As Jim Rohn said, "One of the greatest gifts you can give to anyone is the gift of attention." Just being there for someone and listening to them without criticism or judgment is definitely an act of generosity.

As writer Joyce Hifler penned, "Giving is so often thought of in terms of the gifts we give, but our greatest giving is of our time, and kindness, and even comfort for those who need it. We look on these little things as unimportant ── until we need them." 

Project You Life Journey Key Elements 

If you can take this "being there" one step further, that is even better. 

"The finest gift you can give anyone is encouragement," noted American poet Sidney Madwed. "Yet almost no one," he added, "gets the encouragement they need to grow to their full potential. If everyone received the encouragement they need to grow, the genius in most everyone would blossom and the world would produce abundance beyond the wildest dreams."  

Benjamin Disraeli, a former British Prime Minister, had a similar view, "The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him/her his/her own."

Here's some good advice from the poet Ralph Waldo Emerson, "You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late." 

This article is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback ($7.90) and Kindle ($6.88) formats. 

8 More Ways to Exhibit Kindness

No Act of Kindness Is Ever Wasted

In our last blog post on kindness in our daily lives, we shared a few ways to exhibit kindness. 

Here are eight more ways to exhibit kindness: 

React to rudeness with compassion. No sense throwing oil on a raging fire and making a bad situation worse. We all have moments of emotional meltdowns, so help those in emotional pain with calm and soothing words of comfort rather than your own angry words of confrontation.

Be generous to those who look like they need it, by letting the person who seems in a rush to go ahead of you at the check-out line or by giving up your seat on public transportation to someone who looks tired and worn out.

Truly mean the words "please" and "thank you" when you say them, and be sure to smile and look the other person in the eyes so that they sense your sincerity and genuineness.

Constantly be generous with your praise of others. It's amazing how far a bit of praise goes in creating energy, passion and enthusiasm in others.

Greatly reduce your criticisms and complaints about others, particularly behind their backs. The old rule about "if you cannot say anything good about someone, don't say anything at all" is sage advice.

Remind yourself of your previous acts of kindness, which is sure to bring a slight smile to your face. Such positive memories are a good way to spark new ideas on how you can continue to exhibit kindness to others.

Be grateful for the good things and people that come your way, and remind yourself that every act of kindness you generate produces feelings of gratitude and appreciation in others.

Remember that small acts of kindness count large, especially to the recipients. So give help to the person struggling with their onboard luggage, help the elderly or infirm cross the street, ask the stranger looking lost if they need directions. And always share your umbrella with those caught out in the rain without one of their own.

Many of the examples above may appear to be small and of little impact. However, as Aesop wrote, "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." 

Or, as Kahlil Gibran put it, "The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention."

In addition to the above, you should also be kinder and more gentle with yourself. 

There is little reward to be found in being overly harsh and too critical with one's self. 

While the old saying "kindness starts at home" certainly has a ring of truth to it, it is important to remember that authentic kindness starts with one's self.

Either way, exhibiting kindness to yourself or to others, is sure to bring more authentic happiness into your life. 

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Exhibit More Kindness Daily

Bring Additional Kindness Into the Lives of Others 

A recent blog post showed how extending kindness to others is one way of creating authentic happiness in ourselves. 

Here are several ways to easily add kindness to your personal values and to bring some additional kindness into the lives of others:

Share your knowledge and experiences with others through volunteer talks in schools and your community, or through free content you deliver via the Internet.

Donate used books, magazines, clothes, cookware, dishes, pots, and other items you rarely or never use (de-cluttering your home and your life is always a good feeling).

Provide assistance, comfort or food to those who need it the most, especially the homeless. Rather than toss unused food, bag it up and drive to an area where the homeless hang out or beg. Whenever you see a homeless or hungry person near a fast food outlet you are about to visit, add one healthy item to your order and hand it to that person as you walk to your car or drive away. The thanks you will receive will be well worth the extra few dollars you spend.

Help your neighbors with chores or watching their children so they can have a "date night" or just take some time from their own daily routines.

Make way for those who seem to be in a hurry, even if they appear rude or unfriendly. Perhaps they are dealing with a major personal or family issue, or maybe their work has them stressed. No sense in you getting stressed over their behavior. Better to step aside or allow them to rapidly pass you on the road. Who knows, you might actually be doing them a huge favor by letting them hurry on by.

Surprise your loved ones with notes of encouragement and appreciation. This works particularly well with pre-teenage children, who just love getting a surprised note of love, praise or encouragement from mom or dad in their packed lunches or hidden in their school books.

Actively engage introverts and shy people in small talk whenever you encounter them in hallways, elevators, stores, parties, or other public places. They often have great insights and a lot to say, if only asked and encouraged.

When you add kindness into your daily routine and interactions, you will quickly come to realize that extending kindness and truly felt pleasantries to others is one of the core components of authentic happiness. 

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats.

Mother Teresa on Kindness

Wise Words on Being Kind 

Our previous blog post showed how extending kindness creates authentic happiness in ourselves.

So why is kindness exhibited more frequently on a daily basis? 

Some people are so afraid of being taken advantage of by others that they purposely hide and restrain their desires to be kind. 

These words from Mother Teresa should allay such concerns:

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Kindness

Extending Kindness Creates Authentic Happiness In Ourselves  

While kindness was not one of the universal values identified by Professor Seligman and his group, in many ways it is the universal value that every human being appreciates and is capable of delivering.

As Henry James wrote, "Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind."

Kindness to others takes so little effort, yet it is so rarely displayed, especially to strangers and to the multitudes of people that we "interact" with throughout each day. 

In fact, the word "interact" does not adequately describe how most people relate to one another. Our "interactions" tend to be gruff expressions of meaningless chatter conveyed to ease the social awkwardness of people being forced to intermingle with others by the circumstances of yours and their daily existences.

We all too often go through the motions of living and conversing with others without truly thinking about those we interact with and what is their state of mind. Just imagine the impact we could each have if we were able to help others take their minds off their problems, even if only momentarily, simply be interacting and engaging them more fully and more kindly. 

Not only would we put more smiles on faces, we would all feel personally better for our efforts. Talk about a win-win!

Kindness requires just a tad more effort over the empty and insincere expressions of  "how's it going?" and "what's up?" and the equally non-committal replies of "not much" and "the usual" that permeates so many daily encounters between people. A smile, combined with the sincere interest in another and an oral exchange of an explicit personal nature, will make a huge difference in the lives of the other spirits you interact with, as well as in your own life. 

When you see others as spiritual beings resident in a human form, rather than as just other human beings living lives of quiet despair, you will no longer want to keep your daily interactions with others on the periphery of your life. 

Instead, you will come to realize that extending kindness and truly felt pleasantries to others is one of the core components of authentic happiness.  

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Respect: Treating People As Rare and Valuable Human Beings

Treating People As They Ought To Be

Fred Rogers, who had a famous television show in America called Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, had an interesting, almost altruistic, attitude about respect, one that very few people today would practice or preach:

As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has ─ or ever will have ─ something inside that is unique all the time. It's our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.

 In a similar vein, Lee Atwater, a political consultant and presidential advisor, proclaimed, "There is nothing more important in life than human beings, nothing sweeter than the human touch."

If Atwater's thoughts are anywhere near close to truth, then we all need to show greater respect to each of our fellow human beings. And there's probably no better time to begin than the present.

The ability to forgive is a core component of respect, for the art of forgiveness is an explicit display of respecting another person's universal strengths and human weaknesses.

Some very good advice comes courtesy of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, a German writer from the early 19th century: "Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of becoming."

Perhaps that is what the true essence of respect is all about ── treating people as if they were what they ought to be (instead of how you might be currently perceiving them).

And in doing so, we help them discover their uniqueness and help them provide ways of developing and expressing their uniqueness.

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in eBook and paperback at Amazon.

8 More Ways To Add Kindness To Your Personal Values

Making Kindness One of Your Personal Attributes 

The majority of us undoubtedly think of ourselves as being kind. Yet even in the current holiday season, where the spirit of kindness blossoms, we observe grumpy people, rude shoppers and sales clerks, discourteous drivers, bad manners, boorish behavior, disrespectful actions, and offensive arguments. Unfortunately, sometimes we observe such behavior and actions in ourselves. 

Kindness is more than just gift wrapping presents and putting them under a tree or handing them to someone. Kindness is a behavior pattern that treats all others with dignity, respect, gracefulness, sympathy, thoughtfulness, and compassion. With that in mind, here are eight more easy to add kindness to your personal values so that you can continuously bring kindness into the lives of others:

·         React to rudeness with compassion. No sense throwing oil on a raging fire and making a bad situation worse. We all have moments of emotional meltdowns, so help those in emotional pain with calm and soothing words of comfort rather than your own angry words of confrontation.

·         Be generous to those who look like they need it, by letting the person who seems in a rush to go ahead of you at the check-out line or by giving up your seat on public transportation to someone  who looks tired and worn out.

·         Truly mean the words "please" and "thank you" when you say them, and be sure to smile and look the other person in the eyes so that they sense your sincerity and genuineness.

·         Constantly be generous with your praise of others. It's amazing how far a bit of praise goes in creating energy, passion and enthusiasm in others.

·         Greatly reduce your criticisms and complaints about others, particularly behind their backs. The old rule about "if you cannot say anything good about someone, don't say anything at all" is sage advice.

·         Remind yourself of your previous acts of kindness, which is sure to bring a slight smile to your face. Such positive memories are a good way to spark new ideas on how you can continue to exhibit kindness to others.

·         Be grateful for the good things and people that come your way, and remind yourself that every act of kindness you generate produces feelings of gratitude and appreciation in others.

·         Remember that small acts of kindness count large, especially to the recipients. So give help to the person struggling with their onboard luggage, help the elderly or infirm cross the street, ask the stranger looking lost if they need directions. And always share your umbrella with those caught out in the rain without one of their own.

Many of the examples above may appear to be small and of little impact. However, as Aesop wrote, "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."

Or, as Kahlil Gibran put it, "The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention."

In addition to the above, you should also be kinder and gentler with yourself. There is little reward to be found in being overly harsh and too critical with one's self. While the old saying "kindness starts at home" certainly has a ring of truth to it, it is important to remember that authentic kindness starts with one's self.

Do you have other ideas to add to this list? If so, please add your contribution in the comments box below.

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available at Amazon in eBook and paperback.

7 Ways To Add Kindness To Your Personal Values

Making Kindness One of Your Personal Attributes

In our previous blog post, we wrote about kindness being a universal personal value.

Here are seven easy ways to add kindness to your personal values and to bring some additional kindness into the lives of others:

·         Share your knowledge and experiences with others through volunteer talks in schools and your community, or through free content you deliver via the Internet.

·         Donate used books, magazines, clothes, cookware, dishes, pots, and other items you rarely or never use (de-cluttering your home and your life is always a good feeling).

·         Provide assistance, comfort or food to those who need it the most, especially the homeless. Rather than toss unused food, bag it up and drive to an area where the homeless hang out or beg. Whenever you see a homeless or hungry person near a fast food outlet you are about to visit, add one healthy item to your order and hand it to that person as you walk to your car or drive away. The thanks you will receive will be well worth the extra few dollars you spend.

·         Help your neighbors with chores or watching their children so they can have a "date night" or just take some time from their own daily routines.

·         Make way for those who seem to be in a hurry, even if they appear rude or unfriendly. Perhaps they are dealing with a major personal or family issue, or maybe their work has them stressed. No sense in you getting stressed over their behavior. Better to step aside or allow them to rapidly pass you on the road. Who knows, you might actually be doing them a huge favor by letting them hurry on by.

·         Surprise your loved ones with notes of encouragement and appreciation. This works particularly well with pre-teenage children, who just love getting a surprised note of love, praise or encouragement from mom or dad in their packed lunches or hidden in their school books.

·         Actively engage introverts and shy people in small talk whenever you encounter them in hallways, elevators, stores, parties, or other public places. They often have great insights and a lot to say, if only asked and encouraged.  

Tomorrow we’ll give you eight more ideas on how to easily make kindness one of your personal attributes. 

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and eBook formats at Amazon.

It Is Always The Season For Kindness

Kindness Is A Universal Value

Several years ago, a global study headed by Dr. Martin Seligman found six core values across all cultures and races:

Wisdom and Knowledge

Courage

Love and Humanity

Justice

Temperance

Spirituality and Transcendence

While kindness was not one of the universal values identified by Professor Seligman and his group, in many ways it is the universal value that every human being appreciates and is capable of delivering.

As Henry James wrote, "Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind."

Kindness to others takes so little effort, yet it is so rarely displayed, especially to strangers and to the multitudes of people that we "interact" with throughout each day. In fact, the word "interact" does not adequately describe how most people relate to one another. Our "interactions" tend to be gruff expressions of meaningless chatter conveyed to ease the social awkwardness of people being forced to intermingle by the circumstances of their daily existences.

We all too often go through the motions of living and conversing with others without truly thinking about those we interact with and what is their state of mind. Just imagine the impact we could each have if we were able to help others take their minds off their problems, even if only momentarily, simply be interacting and engaging them more fully and more kindly. Not only would we put more smiles on faces, we would all feel personally better for our efforts. Talk about a win-win!

Kindness requires just a tad more effort over the empty and insincere expressions of  "how's it going?" and "what's up?" and the equally non-committal replies of "not much" and "the usual" that permeates so many daily encounters between people. A smile, combined with the sincere interest in another and an oral exchange of an explicit personal nature will make a huge difference in the lives of the other spirits you interact with, as well as in your own life. 

When you see others as spiritual beings resident in a human form, rather than as just other human beings living lives of quiet despair, you will no longer want to keep your daily interactions with others on the periphery of your life. Instead, you will come to realize that extending kindness and truly felt pleasantries to others is one of the core components of authentic happiness. 

Some people are so afraid of being taken advantage of by others that they purposely hide and restrain their desires to be kind. These words from Mother Teresa should allay such concerns:

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

There is always a spirit of kindness in the air as the Christmas Season unfolds. What we need to do is for each of us to find ways to extend this spirit and make kindness a year-long personal attribute.

This article has partially been excerpted from Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in ebook and paperback at Amazon.