Self Understanding (Part Four)

The Impact of Deep Self Understanding on Decision Making and Self Esteem

In our last blog post, on Deeper Self Understanding, we quoted famed writer and thinker Eckhardt Tolle, who wrote: "The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, persona and family history, belief systems, and often political, nationalistic, racial, religious and other collective identifications. None of these are you."  

Likewise, realize that material wealth and creature comforts will not define who you truly are. Nor will they define who your children truly are or become.

Yes, a comfortable childhood usually leads to a more comfortable life as an adult. No one is arguing that there is a need to live in abject poverty to "find one's true self." On the other hand, as Andrew Carnegie said, "He who dies with wealth dies with shame."

To determine if what you are currently doing, and how you are currently living, is in line with your core values, ask yourself "why" are you doing it? 

Why are you starting that new business venture or creating that new product? To make money? Fine. But is that what you truly value? Or is it to make a difference in people's lives? The latter resonates much more strongly for most, as it is in line with their true values.

Here's some great advice from Louise Erdrich, a best-selling Native American author of novels, poetry and children's books, "Never rationalize anything that feels wrong." 

Or, as Mario Cuomo, a former governor of New York and Presidential candidate remarked, "Every time I've done something that doesn't feel right, it's ended up not being right."

Both Erdrich and Cuomo recognize and grasp the importance of deep self understanding, particularly in relation to decision making.

It is very tempting to do things that do not feel right, especially when no one else seems to be around watching. Remember, however, that your spirit is constantly watching you and will cause you grief when you do not live up to its (your!) standards. As Griffin Bell, a former U.S. Attorney General, advised, "Always err on the side of doing right. You and only you are responsible for your ethics."

Doing right by your own standards is the surest way to maintain self esteem. And despite what others will say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a hefty amount of self esteem, even when this gives rise to the side effect of an enlarged ego. 

Additionally, nothing you ever learn, know or have is worth learning, knowing or having unless you know how to be proud of yourself.

As Dr. Nathaniel Branden, a Canadian psychotherapist and writer known for his work in the psychology of self-esteem wrote, "Persons of high self-esteem are not driven to make themselves superior to others; they do not seek to prove their value by measuring themselves against a comparative standard. Their joy is being who they are, not in being better than someone else." 

Or, to put it another way, as Nido Qubein has, "Winners compare their achievements with their goals, while losers compare their achievements with those of other people."

We believe this is why self-actualization is at the peak of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs pyramid.

Knowing thyself is a two-part process comprising firstly self awareness and then self understanding. Truly knowing yourself is a critical and decisive first step on the journey of life that we call the Project You Life Journey. 

We'd love to hear your own stories on how a deeper sense of self understanding helped you in your own decision making or self esteem. Please let us know in the comments below, or email us at:  editors@projectyoulife.com. 

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life which is available in paperback and eBook formats at Amazon.