Becoming An Authentic You

Moving from the ego-centered self to your absolute self. 

The self-help gurus will inundate you with messages along the lines of:

Any day you want you can discipline yourself to change anything and everything about your life that does not satisfy you or make you happy. It is only up to you to decide to make changes and then to take action to instill these changes within your life. It's only up to you! 

The Project You Life message is that yes, you can make any change you want, but that any such changes will only satisfy you and make you happy if they are predicated on a clear sense of authentic self awareness and self understanding.

Otherwise, it is like putting icing on a cake. Doing so does not change the texture or flavor of the actual cake; it just changes the eating experience by coating the cake with a preferred topping.

In his book Zen Bow Zen Arrow Awa Kenzo writes, "No matter the art, the most important thing is to establish who you really are. That is, move from the ego-centered self to the absolute self." 

As we wrote several weeks ago in our blog post on Self Awareness and Knowing Yourself, it is always a good idea to take time to pause and get to know (and understand) who you truly are. 

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal growth and development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Self Understanding -- Part Two

Understanding Yourself Will Help You Become Authentic

The various writers, speakers and products of the self-help industry all have one theme in common ── every person can take responsibility for changing and building their lives. That's a great start, but what most of the strategies and ideas proffered have lacked has been guidance in helping their students and readers come to grips with their true inner selves.

They have been great at helping people improve their self images, build stronger egos, identify ways to motivate themselves, and design strategies for personal goal attainment. But what they usually did not provide were tools and strategies for developing a better rapport with, and deeper understanding of, one's spiritual self.

As the late Dr. David Simon, co-founder of the Chopra Center, wrote, "The self-image or ego is what we hold to be true about ourselves and what we want others to believe about us. Most people believe they are their self-image and, therefore, diligently strive to protect it. In defense of our image, we imprison our spirit."

Self understanding will help you become authentic and remain authentic in the large majority of your actions. And you want to be authentic. According to Dr. Simon:

Authenticity is an alignment between your beliefs, your desires and your choices in the world.

Desires change throughout the course of a life, but agreement between ideals, aspirations and deeds is key to a life of peace, happiness and success. When you act in ways unlikely to fulfill your genuine desires, you experience the inner friction of a life out of alignment.

Desires that are in alignment with core beliefs generate powerful actions. Like a wave that draws from the depths of the ocean, actions connected to your authentic self are more likely to manifest your intentions.

In his book The Ten Commitments, Dr. Simon goes on to explain:

Choices that are in alignment with what we know, feel and believe to be true generate a natural sense of ease and confidence. When we allow distractions to intervene between our core values and the choices we make in the world, our energy is depleted. These distractions become false idols that block access to the divine.

The two underlining principles of Dr. Simon's thinking on authenticity are straight-forward:

Being authentic means assuming the responsibility for writing the story of your life.

Committing to authenticity means taking responsibility for what you choose to do and what you choose not to do.

Chapter two of his book The Ten Commitments is devoted to the concept of "A Commitment to Authenticity" and is well worth reading.

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Self Understanding -- Part One

The more you understand yourself, the more you understand the world. 

Self awareness is like putting your foot into a lake to see how cold the water is. Self understanding is diving into the lake to see how deep it is.

The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu placed great emphasis on self understanding. He wrote, "He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise."

Self understanding enables you to plumb the depths of your own inner spirit, and to seek out amazing discoveries about yourself. You will likely learn a lot more than you bargained for, including lessons about life, spirituality, other people, love, faith, and many other topics.

Paul Coelho wrote, "The more you understand yourself, the more you will understand the world." And centuries earlier, Aristotle told his followers, "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." It is sad that more people do not understand the linkages between self understanding and universal wisdom.

The past three decades have seen a litany of self-help books, tapes, videos, CDs, DVDs, webinars, and live programs produced. In fact, the entire self-help industry went from start-up phase to maturity in less than 40 years. The foundation the self-help movement in the latter years of the 20th Century were these words from the 19th Century American psychologist William James: "The most important discovery of my generation is people can change their lives by changing their minds."

Ever since, self-proclaimed gurus, personalities and industry leaders have been trying to help people change their minds through "attitude adjustments" and "positive thinking." Unfortunately, the majority of them failed to educate their followers that you must first have a firm understanding of yourself before implementing their programs and advice, so that your mind and your spirit are not in continual conflict.

Perhaps this is because the journey of self awareness and self understanding is a difficult and long one. As Miguel de Cervantes wrote, "Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world." 

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top-selling book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats. 

Self Awareness and Success -- Part 2

Knowing Yourself Creates a More Meaningful and Successful Life

Self observation and continuous attention to your feelings, emotions and thoughts are crucial aspects of your personal self-development journey. 

Through these observations you will identify your core strengths, areas for improvement and techniques for greater self control.

George Gurdjieff, an author and spiritual teacher of the early 20th Century, wrote, "Self-observation brings man to the realization of the necessity of self-change. And in observing himself a man notices that self-observation itself brings about certain changes in his inner processes. He begins to understand that self-observation is an instrument of self-change, a means of awakening."

When you awaken to your true self, you not only change your destiny, you grab control of it with two hands firmly on the steering wheel of your life. Your dreams become your reality. Your choices will be based on meeting your most important needs, leading to what psychologist Abraham Maslow described as "self actualization."

"A man must be obedient to the promptings of his innermost heart," wrote Roberston Davies, one of Canada's most distinguished men of letters. The first step, of course, is to have a clear awareness of what reverberates in your innermost heart.

As Maslow wrote, "A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself."

Do what makes you happy and that which sparks the passion within, and then you will be at peace with yourself.

Or, as George Bernard Shaw said, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." That philosophy is at the heart of the Project You Life Journey and Living A Determined Life.

It all starts with self awareness. As Maslow stated, "What is necessary to change a person is to change their awareness of themselves."

As pointed out above, there are four parts to you ── your mind, your body, your heart, and your soul.

It is easy to be aware of your body and your bodily functions. You spend all your conscious hours, and even some hours of sleep, listening to your mind chattering away.

The hardest task, and the most revealing one despite the monumental effort required, is to be fully aware of your emotions and your spirit, for these form that inner self at the core of your personal universe.

By rising to this challenge, a more meaningful life awaits.

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top seller Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats. 

Self Awareness and Success -- Part 1

Emotional Self Control Leads to Greater Success and Outcomes

While greatness does not automatically emanate from self awareness, those who have achieved greatness in any area of life tend to have a deep sense of self awareness. They have not passed themselves by without wondering.

On the other hand, perhaps greatness can be born through a highly elevated sense of self awareness. As Carl Jung wrote, "Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."

Of course, self awareness is only one pillar creating the foundation for greatness. In the words of Lord Tennyson, "Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control ── these three alone lead to sovereign power."

Whatever emotional state you are in will dictate your behavior. This can be both a positive and a negative thing, depending on your emotional state.

By being aware of your emotional state, and thus giving you an opportunity to control this state, you prevent yourself from just having to accept and take whatever the world dishes out to you. 

You control how events and people impact you, simply by controlling how you feel and think about these events and people.

Here's what two people from opposite ends of the literary spectrum have said on this subject:

Nothing has any power over me other than that which I give it through my conscious thoughts.  ~Anthony Robbins

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. ~William Shakespeare

 Your emotional and social states are closely tied together, for the emotional side of your life will be primarily (though not exclusively) created, developed and troubled by your relationships with others.

An inability to notice true feelings as they are occurring leaves you at their mercy. There is a crucial difference between being caught up in a feeling and being aware that a feeling is about to sweep you away through what Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, aptly calls "an emotional hijacking."

As Goleman points out, emotional self-control, such as delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness, often leads to greater success and outcomes.

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top-seller Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats. 

The Dark Side of Self Awareness

We all have faults. Overcoming these is gratifying and satisfying. 

The flip side to the coin of self awareness is that none of us is perfect, or even close to being perfect. 

This means that practicing self awareness will reveal to us the numerous blemishes, inconsistencies, incongruities, and harmful tendencies that are an inherent part of the composition of our sentient beings.

Unfortunately, as M. Basil Pennington, the Trappist monk and priest who wrote over 60 books in the latter half of the 20th Century, penned, "In seeing ourselves as we truly are, not all that we see is beautiful and attractive. This is undoubtedly part of the reason we flee silence. We do not want to be confronted with our hypocrisy, our phoniness. We see how false and fragile is the false self we project. We have to go through this painful experience to come to our true self."

Remember, when you see the dark side of yourself, it is like looking at the dark side of The Force as depicted in the Star Wars series. Being aware of your dark side ── your human weaknesses and all other negative aspects of your character ── is the preliminary step in being able to control and overcome these.

Of course, overcoming any personal weakness is a particularly gratifying and satisfying feeling; one of the greatest sources of self esteem you will encounter. Aristotle obviously got it right when he wrote: "I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."

Those who do not win the battle with themselves become lost souls, empty of the self knowledge and understanding, and thus the passions, that make life worth living.

Additionally, being aware of your faults, flaws and weaknesses is also the first step in changing or modifying these. It's your choice ── you can either control these, or be controlled by them.

Likewise, you can continue to exhibit your faults and flaws, and suffer the consequences, or you can take action to change.

As Jim Rohn said, "Unless you change how you are, you will always have what you've got."

Rohn also gave this good advice: "You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of."

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top-selling book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats. 

Your Conscience and Self Awareness

Create a Strong Belief in Yourself and What You Want. Live in Harmony with the Universe. 

Your conscience plays a key role in your quest for self awareness. Some might equate the conscience to one's self awareness, but in fact they are two separate aspects of the inner self.

Self awareness is being conscious of your feelings, emotions and thoughts; whereas your conscience evaluates your feelings, emotions and thoughts and assigns judgmental scores or values to them.

For example, you may want to cry about something that has happened. Your self-awareness abilities will help you identify all the emotions, thoughts and feelings that are combining to cause the tears that are about to burst forth (a physical response to your mental, emotional and spiritual components). 

Your conscience, on the other hand, will judgmentally tell you whether crying in this instance is right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate, if the crying should take place in public or privately, and the "correct" length of time allowed for the shedding of your tears.

In many ways, strong self awareness (and strong self understanding) requires an ability to keep one's conscience in check so that your true feelings, emotions and thoughts are allowed to surface unhindered. After all, if you want to cry, go ahead and cry. Why should your conscience prevent you from experiencing an innermost feeling? In fact, such inhibitions may be detrimental to the full development of your spirit (i.e. the real you).

Stephen R. Covey, the legendary author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, wrote in his later work First Things First, "One of the most powerful uses of self-awareness is to become aware of conscience and how it works within us."

As the Polish proverb goes, "Conscience is the voice of the soul." And in most cases you will want to listen to that voice.

But your conscience is, unfortunately, also formed by the lessons taught to you by your parents, teachers, societal rules, and the cultural customs, norms and practices in which you were raised.

As a result, your true conscience (that true voice of your soul) will at times be in conflict with the one shaped and formed by these other outside influences. This is when you know (instinctively and deep down) that something is not right, but that you cannot prevent or change it.

The more in tune you are with your inner self, and the closer you are to being driven by self actualization (refer to Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs), the less likely you are to compromise your principles or trample on your values.

Shame, one of the worst personal feelings one can have, arises from the fear or realization that one's actions have not been in accordance with one's true inner self. 

Do not be afraid to not live up to the expectations (or rules) of others. The rules and expectations of others are unlikely to power your dreams and desires. Instead, be afraid of failing to live up to your own expectations and to your own principles, values, morals, rules, and ethics.

Here are two quotes from Marcus Aurelius, the 2nd Century Roman Emperor, that reinforce these last two points:

You can change your beliefs so they empower your dreams and desires. Create a strong belief in yourself and what you want.

He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe.

This article is excerpted from the top-selling book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon. 

Self Awareness | Knowing Yourself

Take Time to Pause and Know Who You Truly Are 

Self awareness is not about looking deeply within your internal chamber of secrets and hidden motivations trying to discover "your true self." It's quite the opposite, when done properly.

It should be an open, honest, candid, and on-going self observation of what drives you to take the actions you take, to think the thoughts you think and to feel the emotions that bubble up inside you.

Confucius described the process as: "By three methods we learn wisdom: first by reflection, which is noblest; second by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest."

People with high levels of self awareness have a clear and definite grasp of their own strengths and weaknesses, as well as an elevated sensitivity to observe what motivates, de-motivates, satisfies, delights, annoys, and angers them.

With a solid sense of self awareness, you multiply your predisposition to go after the opportunities that are right for you (by leveraging your strengths, values and inner motivational tactics) and minimize your chances of pursuing activities that are likely to have unsatisfying or potentially harmful results.

There are four parts to the self:  mind, body, heart, and soul (alternatively referred to as mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual).

Your mind never stops racing; never stops talking to you. There are times, of course, when a quiet mind would be an absolute blessing. Unfortunately, unless you excel at meditation this is not to be.

The mind and spirit are in constant battle for your body (and hence for what you probably think of as yourself). The mind tries to "talk" you into doing things with what appear to be "rational arguments." The spirit counteracts with "gut feelings" or emotional outbursts in an attempt to get its way. Neither is always right or wrong.

When you can see yourself as if watching a reality movie of yourself (i.e. not in a dream, but as if removed from your body), this is the perspective of the spirit. As Sri Ramana Maharshi said, "The mind turned inwards is the Self; turned outwards it becomes the ego and all the world."

Very few people seem to pause and consider who they truly are, or could be. Most seem too concerned with projecting a picture of themselves to the world around them, and then working hard to maintain this concocted (and sometimes contrived) image.

Years ago St. Augustine wrote, "People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering." 

This is undoubtedly more true today than it was in his time some 16 centuries ago. And if it is true for you, it need not be any longer. The Project You Life Journey will help you to stop passing yourself by.

This article is excerpted from the top-selling book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Key Questions for Identifying and Understanding the Purpose of Your Life

Finding the Meaning of Life. Discovering the Purpose of Your Life. 

We all have an innate need to find meaning and purpose in life, especially our own lives.

From a Project You perspective, this pursuit is best stated and comprehended as:

The meaning of life is to discover, grow, develop, and enhance 

your unique personal gift and individual talents.

The purpose of life is to use your unique personal gift and talents 

for the betterment of mankind, planet Earth and the Universe of Souls.

In our last blog post we promised to give you some key questions to ask yourself that will help you identify and understand your unique personal gift and the individual talents you bring to the world.

So here they are:

What are you passionate about?

What are you doing when you feel a flow of energy racing through you?

What drives you?

At what do you excel?

What are your greatest strengths?

What do you least like doing?

How can your talents be put to use serving others?

How would you define your skill sets?

In what ways are you different from others, either in what you do, how you do it, or the knowledge and experiences you bring to what you do?

How would you define your greatest purpose in life? Your second greatest purpose?

What are your core values?

How would you list and define your principles?

What brings you joy?

What brings you authentic happiness?

How can your gift and talents be put to use helping others achieve their dreams, hopes, desires, and passions?

How can your gift and talents be put to use helping others solve their problems and challenges?

After you die what is the one thing you want to be remembered for? By whom?

After you die, what are the next four things you want to be remembered for? By whom?

It is important to also remember that your true purpose in life is bigger than just your work (Your Professional Life), even though it may be included as a component of your life's purpose.

Your overall life's purpose will encompass every aspect of your life.

Hence, identifying and understanding your life's purpose is not an exercise regarding career paths, but rather a holistic approach to identifying and knowing who you are (and who you will become) at your very core.

These are questions worth reflecting on.

Go clear your calendar for 90 minutes to two hours, at a minimum. Get up two hours early if you need to.

Go find someplace very quiet and peaceful, preferably outdoors. Use the sounds of nature to help focus your thoughts. Take nothing with you but paper, a writing instrument, and your own thoughts. Leave your cell phone, tablet, and computer behind.

Isn’t the rest of your life worth a couple of hours of solitude and quiet contemplation? 

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Be Inspired to Be What You Know You Could Be

Allow Yourself to Have a Better Life

One of the greatest breakthroughs you will experience in the Project You Life Journey self discovery process occurs when you realize how easy it is to learn whatever you need to know to embark upon and remain on the path you choose. 

Information today is so readily available and easily accessible through the Internet. Want to learn more about self motivation? How about gaining a better understanding of your emotions and those of others?

Want to awaken your spiritual side by reading the thoughts and ideas of those who have also pondered the questions you ask yourself? Why do people believe in a God or gods? How about those who do not believe in a God or gods, what do they believe?

All this and more is available for your study, contemplation, and internalization. 

The poet R. W. Emerson wrote in the 19th century, "Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be." Well, for you that person is you! 

There is no need to seek answers or motivation from others. The answers to the critical questions regarding your life are within you. Only you know what makes your soul and heart feel is right for you. You are the only listener to your inner voice. The key is to ask the right questions of your inner voice, and to verify the answers received with your heart and spirit.

This is by far the biggest discovery of the Project You Life Journey process ── the answers you seek about yourself, your life, your life's purpose, and how to attain authentic satisfaction and happiness are within.

People use various tools to find these answers, ranging from listening to motivational speakers to reading self-help books, and from seeking the counsel of teachers and religious leaders to discussions with family members and friends. But at the end of the day the true answers for you must bubble up from within yourself. And the specific answers and actions you derive from your contemplation and reflection will differ, at least slightly, from the answers and actions that others find suit them best.

Most important, as sentient beings living a human experience, we each owe it to ourselves to take this journey of discovery into ourselves. As Richard Bach, author of several insightful books, including Jonathan Livingston Seagull and The Bridge Across Forever, wrote, "No matter how qualified or deserving we are, we will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it."

Discovering the personal relevance of Bach's comments is one of the first steps toward creating A Determined Life. 

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Create a New Direction, New Journey for Yourself

The Joy of Self Discovery

We have been writing in the last few blog posts about knowing yourself and defining yourself. These are the key steps in what we call the Self Discovery phase of a Project You Life Journey. 

This exciting and highly revealing  self discovery phase of the Project Life Journey is immensely self-rewarding. This is because one of the best discoveries you will ever make in your life is uncovering the great potential of your mind.

Your mind has the potential and capacity to lead you on this journey. And, with sufficient reflection, your mind can entice your spirit to collaborate in building the motivation, fortitude and momentum for you to continue on this journey through bumps, hurdles and annoying obstacles.

The reason your spirit is willing to cooperate is because it understands discovering your life's purpose is one of the core reasons for your individual human existence and experience. It is why, when you pause to reflect and contemplate the questions how well do I know myself? and why do I feel that I am not on the most optimal journey for myself? that you instinctively know the validity and relevance to you of both these questions. For, as the Rwandan proverb states, "You can out-distance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you."

This joining of your human form (the mind) and your infinite soul (your spiritual nature) is a powerful combination of "yin and yang" that unearths the true nature of your very self.

A Project You Life Journey can be embarked upon at any stage of your life, no matter your age, health, family status, or socio-economic situation. You can be the CEO of a multinational company or a person incarcerated in prison for past deeds. You can be a single mom struggling to make ends meet or a pillar of your community actively engaged in the most important issues impacting where you live.

While none of us can ever go back and start a new beginning, or change any aspect of the past, the beauty of this process is that each of us at any time can decide to create a new direction, a new journey and a new ending for our lives.

And it is not just a new ending you are after, but equally important (in fact more so for many people) is the creation of a new journey. After all, your personal growth, pleasure and happiness will come more from the journey you take than the final destination you reach.

This article is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon. 

Know Yourself: Self Awareness

Understanding the promptings of your innermost heart

Self awareness is not about looking deeply within your internal chamber of secrets and trying to discover "your true self."

Rather, it is an open, honest, candid, and on-going self observation of what drives you to take the actions you take, to think the thoughts you think, and to feel the emotions that bubble up inside you.

People with high levels of self awareness have a clear and definite grasp of their own strengths and weaknesses, as well as an elevated sensitivity to observe what motivates, de-motivates, satisfies, delights, annoys, and angers them.

With a solid sense of self awareness you multiply your predisposition to go after the opportunities that are right for you -- by leveraging your strengths, values, and inner motivations. Likewise, you are also better positioned to minimize your chances of pursuing activities that are likely to have unsatisfying or potentially harmful results.

Here are some quotes from our book Project You: Words of Wisdom that might help you create such a solid sense of self awareness:

Knowing others is wisdom; knowing self is enlightenment. Tao Te Ching 

Total, unconditional acceptance of yourself is the first step in building a positive self-image. Nido Qubein 

Others can give you a name or a number, but they can never tell you who you really are. That is something you yourself can only discover from within. Thomas Menton, No Man an Island 

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. Aristotle 

You are searching the world for treasure but the real treasure is yourself. Rumi 

When you know yourself you are empowered. When you accept yourself you are invincible. Tina Lifford 

Finally, as Robertson Davies, one of Canada's most distinguished men of letters, wrote, "A man must be obedient to the promptings of his innermost heart." The first step, of course, is to have a clear awareness of what reverberates in your innermost heart.

Likewise, as we quoted American actor and playwright Harvey Fierstein in the previous post Knowing Yourself / Defining Yourself, "accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself." 

Doing both of these puts you squarely on the path to Living A Determined Life. 

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Words of Wisdom, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Following Your Conscience Creates Self Respect

Increasing Self Respect Makes Life More Pleasant 

You know instinctively when you are lying to yourself and trying to rationalize some course of action that your conscience is advising against. 

Going against your conscience usually results in a unpleasant results and a decrease in self respect. 

Follow your conscience and you will wake up each morning with a greater amount of respect for yourself. Disobey your conscience and the seeds of regret and self disenchantment begin to sprout. As William Penn wrote, "Only trust thyself and another shall not betray thee." 

You also need to respect yourself enough to walk away from anything -- or anyone -- that no longer renews you, helps you grow or makes you happy. 

Of course, this is not to suggest that you run away from your responsibilities (particularly parental ones) or your relationships simply because you are unhappy or not feeling any growth. In fact, personal growth will come from how you work your way through such situations.

On the other hand, as Zig Ziglar points out, "Life is too short to spend your precious time trying to convince a person who wants to live in gloom and doom otherwise. Give lifting that person your best show but don't hang around long enough for his or her bad attitude to pull you down. Instead, surround yourself with optimistic people." 

Respecting yourself also includes limiting the amount of damage you do to your body through over eating, alcohol, drugs, and your sleeping patterns. 

Respect is not something that you turn on and off like a water tap. It should gush from you at all times, toward all people, living creatures, the environment, property, and things in general. 

But, of course, before you can truly give respect to others, you have to have respect for yourself. 

Yes, you will occasionally come across people whose actions do not warrant respect. In such situations it is best to recall Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's words above to treat such people "as if they were what they ought to be." In doing so, perhaps you might just help them overcome whatever obstacles and hurdles they face and be a factor in them becoming what they ought to be. 

Even if your own respectful actions do not seem to have any impact on them, at least you will be left with a positive, respectful feeling toward yourself. Such a feeling makes it easier to walk away from idiots and those with self-proclaimed ambits of authority while maintaining peace with yourself instead of being angry with them and the world. 

Just add a little bit of respect into each of your encounters with others, and life will become a whole lot more pleasant and rewarding. 

Please take 10 minutes and think about ways you can improve your own self respect, and what actions you can take to bring more respect into the world around you.

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon. 

The Importance of Self Respect

Time to Garden Out the Weeds in Your Self Respect Thoughts

One important aspect of respect is self respect.

Like many attributes in life, respect for yourself is something you must have before you can give it to others. It is almost impossible to respect and love others if you do not respect and love yourself.

For, as Zig Ziglar has pointed out, "The most influential person who will talk to you all day is you, so you should be very careful about what you say to you!" 

Your heightened self awareness and self understanding, is very critical.

If you are not careful, your constant chatter with yourself will pull you down through negative thoughts that create a poor attitude, an unattractive demeanor and reduced self esteem.

That is why it is important to understand and be aware of what motivates you and what drives your own self respect to lower levels. After all, having low self esteem is like driving through life with your personal hand brake on. 

"To think bad thoughts," notes James Clavell, "is really the easiest thing in the world. If you leave your mind to itself it will spiral down into ever increasing unhappiness. To think good thoughts, however, requires effort. This is one of the things that discipline -- training -- is about."

How do you eliminate, or at least control, the bad thoughts buzzing throughout your mind? 

Jim Rohn answers this question with a gardening metaphor: "You cannot take the mild approach to the weeds in your mental garden. You have got to hate weeds enough to kill them. Weeds are not something you handle; weeds are something you devastate." 

Perhaps it's time to do a little self respect gardening work this weekend?

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon.

Self Definition

Establish Who You Truly Are

In the last few Project You Life blog posts we have been writing about self awareness, self understanding and self esteem.

These are the three core aspects of self discovery, an important step on the road to a Project You Life Journey.

Ours, of course, are not the only messages on these topics.

The self-help gurus will inundate you with messages along the lines of:

Any day you want you can discipline yourself to change anything and everything about your life that does not satisfy you or make you happy. It is only up to you to decide to make changes and then to take action to instill these changes within your life. It's only up to you!

The Project You Life message is that yes, you can make any change you want, but that any such changes will only satisfy you and make you happy if they are predicated on a clear sense of self awareness and self understanding.

Otherwise, it is like putting icing on a cake. Doing so does not change the texture or flavor of the actual cake; it just changes the eating experience by coating the cake with a preferred topping.

In his book Zen Bow Zen Arrow Awa Kenzo writes, "No matter the art, the most important thing is to establish who you really are. That is, move from the ego-centered self to the absolute self."

The foundation of your own self definition will be expressed in your own self image. What you project to the world, and to yourself, reflects how well you understand yourself. The better this understanding, the greater will be the satisfactions you feel and experience.

For, as the acclaimed actor Sir John Gielgud said, "One's self-image is very important because if that's in good shape, then you can do anything, or practically anything."

Remember, there is nothing obvious or apparent in a caterpillar that foreshadows it becoming a butterfly. Only the caterpillar knows it is going to be a butterfly. Likewise, only you know and understand what you can or will become.

As Buddha said many times, "be a lamp unto yourself," so that you have the insight and understanding of a caterpillar.

And in doing so, always recall the words of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing; others judge us by what we have done."

This planet is a laboratory of experiences and an infinite university of potential learning for the evolution of our souls. Use these experiences and lessons to cultivate a deeper, richer self understanding and you will find a greater balance and harmony in the spirit of your true self. 

This article is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in paperback and eBook formats at Amazon.

Self Understanding (Part Four)

The Impact of Deep Self Understanding on Decision Making and Self Esteem

In our last blog post, on Deeper Self Understanding, we quoted famed writer and thinker Eckhardt Tolle, who wrote: "The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, persona and family history, belief systems, and often political, nationalistic, racial, religious and other collective identifications. None of these are you."  

Likewise, realize that material wealth and creature comforts will not define who you truly are. Nor will they define who your children truly are or become.

Yes, a comfortable childhood usually leads to a more comfortable life as an adult. No one is arguing that there is a need to live in abject poverty to "find one's true self." On the other hand, as Andrew Carnegie said, "He who dies with wealth dies with shame."

To determine if what you are currently doing, and how you are currently living, is in line with your core values, ask yourself "why" are you doing it? 

Why are you starting that new business venture or creating that new product? To make money? Fine. But is that what you truly value? Or is it to make a difference in people's lives? The latter resonates much more strongly for most, as it is in line with their true values.

Here's some great advice from Louise Erdrich, a best-selling Native American author of novels, poetry and children's books, "Never rationalize anything that feels wrong." 

Or, as Mario Cuomo, a former governor of New York and Presidential candidate remarked, "Every time I've done something that doesn't feel right, it's ended up not being right."

Both Erdrich and Cuomo recognize and grasp the importance of deep self understanding, particularly in relation to decision making.

It is very tempting to do things that do not feel right, especially when no one else seems to be around watching. Remember, however, that your spirit is constantly watching you and will cause you grief when you do not live up to its (your!) standards. As Griffin Bell, a former U.S. Attorney General, advised, "Always err on the side of doing right. You and only you are responsible for your ethics."

Doing right by your own standards is the surest way to maintain self esteem. And despite what others will say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a hefty amount of self esteem, even when this gives rise to the side effect of an enlarged ego. 

Additionally, nothing you ever learn, know or have is worth learning, knowing or having unless you know how to be proud of yourself.

As Dr. Nathaniel Branden, a Canadian psychotherapist and writer known for his work in the psychology of self-esteem wrote, "Persons of high self-esteem are not driven to make themselves superior to others; they do not seek to prove their value by measuring themselves against a comparative standard. Their joy is being who they are, not in being better than someone else." 

Or, to put it another way, as Nido Qubein has, "Winners compare their achievements with their goals, while losers compare their achievements with those of other people."

We believe this is why self-actualization is at the peak of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs pyramid.

Knowing thyself is a two-part process comprising firstly self awareness and then self understanding. Truly knowing yourself is a critical and decisive first step on the journey of life that we call the Project You Life Journey. 

We'd love to hear your own stories on how a deeper sense of self understanding helped you in your own decision making or self esteem. Please let us know in the comments below, or email us at:  editors@projectyoulife.com. 

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life which is available in paperback and eBook formats at Amazon.  

Self Understanding and Authenticity

Becoming Authentic Through Self Understanding 

Self understanding will help you become authentic and remain authentic in the large majority of your actions. And you want to be authentic. According to Dr. David Simon, co-founder of the Chopra Center:

Authenticity is an alignment between your beliefs, your desires and your choices in the world.

Desires change throughout the course of a life, but agreement between ideals, aspirations and deeds is key to a life of peace, happiness and success. When you act in ways unlikely to fulfill your genuine desires, you experience the inner friction of a life out of alignment.

Desires that are in alignment with core beliefs generate powerful actions. Like a wave that draws from the depths of the ocean, actions connected to your authentic self are more likely to manifest your intentions.

In his book The Ten Commitments, Dr. Simon goes on to explain:

Choices that are in alignment with what we know, feel and believe to be true generate a natural sense of ease and confidence. When we allow distractions to intervene between our core values and the choices we make in the world, our energy is depleted. These distractions become false idols that block access to the divine.

The two underlining principles of Dr. Simon's thinking on authenticity are straight-forward:

Being authentic means assuming the responsibility for writing the story of your life.

Committing to authenticity means taking responsibility for what you choose to do and what you choose not to do.

Chapter two of his book The Ten Commitments is devoted to the concept of "A Commitment to Authenticity" and is well worth reading. Dr.Simon's book The Ten Commitments: Translating Good Intentions into Great Choices is available at Amazon. 

What are you doing to find your own authenticity? 

Taking time for self reflection and developing a deeper sense of your own self understanding is a great way to develop greater authenticity. 

Another way is to follow the Project You Life Rules, which on found on the Project You website. 

After all, it's time to start living the life you imagined.



This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life which is available in paperback and Kindle eBook formats at Amazon.