Self Understanding -- Part One

The more you understand yourself, the more you understand the world. 

Self awareness is like putting your foot into a lake to see how cold the water is. Self understanding is diving into the lake to see how deep it is.

The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu placed great emphasis on self understanding. He wrote, "He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise."

Self understanding enables you to plumb the depths of your own inner spirit, and to seek out amazing discoveries about yourself. You will likely learn a lot more than you bargained for, including lessons about life, spirituality, other people, love, faith, and many other topics.

Paul Coelho wrote, "The more you understand yourself, the more you will understand the world." And centuries earlier, Aristotle told his followers, "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." It is sad that more people do not understand the linkages between self understanding and universal wisdom.

The past three decades have seen a litany of self-help books, tapes, videos, CDs, DVDs, webinars, and live programs produced. In fact, the entire self-help industry went from start-up phase to maturity in less than 40 years. The foundation the self-help movement in the latter years of the 20th Century were these words from the 19th Century American psychologist William James: "The most important discovery of my generation is people can change their lives by changing their minds."

Ever since, self-proclaimed gurus, personalities and industry leaders have been trying to help people change their minds through "attitude adjustments" and "positive thinking." Unfortunately, the majority of them failed to educate their followers that you must first have a firm understanding of yourself before implementing their programs and advice, so that your mind and your spirit are not in continual conflict.

Perhaps this is because the journey of self awareness and self understanding is a difficult and long one. As Miguel de Cervantes wrote, "Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world." 

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top-selling book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats. 

Define Yourself | Know Thyself

Living A Determined Life Starts with Self Awareness and Self Understanding

Know thyself. 

Those words, inscribed in gold letters on the temple of Apollo at Delphi, are probably the most important two-word phrase ever chiseled or written.

Know thyself is a process comprising two critical elements: self awareness and self understanding.

This two-part process is a critical and decisive first step on the Project You Life Journey. Without it, the journey will not only be bumpier and off-centered, but will also feel unnatural, contrived and artificial.

Self awareness is a heightened sense of continuous attention to one's feelings, emotions and thoughts. Self understanding is being aware of your thoughts about your feelings, emotions and beliefs and mindful of the impact these are having on your contemplated, intended or actual actions. When combined and integrated, these elements lead to self definition.

As American actor and playwright Harvey Fierstein wrote, it is critical to "accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself." 

This article is excerpted from our Amazon best-selling book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats. 

Know Yourself: Self Awareness

Understanding the promptings of your innermost heart

Self awareness is not about looking deeply within your internal chamber of secrets and trying to discover "your true self."

Rather, it is an open, honest, candid, and on-going self observation of what drives you to take the actions you take, to think the thoughts you think, and to feel the emotions that bubble up inside you.

People with high levels of self awareness have a clear and definite grasp of their own strengths and weaknesses, as well as an elevated sensitivity to observe what motivates, de-motivates, satisfies, delights, annoys, and angers them.

With a solid sense of self awareness you multiply your predisposition to go after the opportunities that are right for you -- by leveraging your strengths, values, and inner motivations. Likewise, you are also better positioned to minimize your chances of pursuing activities that are likely to have unsatisfying or potentially harmful results.

Here are some quotes from our book Project You: Words of Wisdom that might help you create such a solid sense of self awareness:

Knowing others is wisdom; knowing self is enlightenment. Tao Te Ching 

Total, unconditional acceptance of yourself is the first step in building a positive self-image. Nido Qubein 

Others can give you a name or a number, but they can never tell you who you really are. That is something you yourself can only discover from within. Thomas Menton, No Man an Island 

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. Aristotle 

You are searching the world for treasure but the real treasure is yourself. Rumi 

When you know yourself you are empowered. When you accept yourself you are invincible. Tina Lifford 

Finally, as Robertson Davies, one of Canada's most distinguished men of letters, wrote, "A man must be obedient to the promptings of his innermost heart." The first step, of course, is to have a clear awareness of what reverberates in your innermost heart.

Likewise, as we quoted American actor and playwright Harvey Fierstein in the previous post Knowing Yourself / Defining Yourself, "accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself." 

Doing both of these puts you squarely on the path to Living A Determined Life. 

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Words of Wisdom, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Knowing Yourself / Defining Yourself

Life is about creating yourself

As you continue on your life's journey it is critical, as American actor and playwright Harvey Fierstein wrote, to "accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."  

The journey of self awareness and self understanding is a difficult and long one. As we quoted Miguel de Cervantes in the previous post Know Thyself, "Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world." 

Difficult, yes. Impossible? Definitely not. 

The foundation of your own self definition will be expressed in your own self image. What you project to the world, and to yourself, reflects how well you understand yourself. The better this understanding, the greater will be the satisfactions you feel and experience.

Here are some quotations from our book Project You: Words of Wisdom to help you along this journey of self understanding and knowing one's self:

He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise. Lao-Tzu 

He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe. Marcus Aurelius 

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Max Ehrman 

I am learning to be patient and compassionate with myself as I gain the courage to be true to myself. Shakti Gawain 

As you become more clear about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide what is best for you the first time around. Oprah Winfrey 

Again, the better your understanding of yourself the greater will be the satisfactions you feel and experience.

After all, as George Bernard Shaw said, "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

That's a philosophy at the heart of Living A Determined Life. 

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Words of Wisdom, available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. 

Know Thyself

Know Yourself / Define Yourself

Know Thyself.

Those words, inscribed in gold letters on the temple of Apollo at Delphi, are probably the most important two-word phrase ever written.

Know thyself is a two-step process comprising self awareness and self understanding. 

Self awareness is a heightened sense of continuous attention to one's feelings, emotions, and thoughts. 

Self understanding is being aware of your thoughts about your feelings, emotions, and thoughts -- and being mindful of the impact these are having on your contemplated, intended, or actual actions. 

When combined and integrated, these two steps lead to self definition.

Here are some quotes from our book Project You: Words of Wisdom we hope will help motivate you to better knowing and defining yourself:

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. Buddha

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on. Unknown 

Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world. Miguel de Cervantes 

We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter. Denis Diderot 

The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself. Lao-Tzu

Yes, you need not do anything but be yourself. But first, you have to know and define yourself.

And that will be one of the most fascinating journeys you ever take.

Bon voyage!  

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Words of Wisdom, available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon. 

The Right Path to Self Respect

Self Respect is a Long-Haul Journey

When these words from Shakti Gawain ring true for you, you will know that you are on the right path to self respect:

"I am learning to be patient and compassionate with myself as I gain the courage to be true to myself."

As detailed in our top-selling book  Project You: Living A Determined Life, it is far more important to be true to yourself than to seek acceptance and confirmation from others. 

The same goes for respect. As Steven H. Coogler writes, "Seek respect mainly from thyself, for it comes first from within."

One of the ironies about respect and self respect was identified centuries ago by the Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu: "When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you."

Your continued personal development comes through the continuous process of building and maintaining high levels of self esteem and self respect. By changing the way you think about yourself, and by changing the internal verbal dialogues you have with yourself, you change your attitude, belief in yourself and your own abilities, the convictions you hold, and your energy levels.

All from simply how you think about and feel about you! 

And, as Lydia M. Child emphasizes, "Belief in oneself is one of the most important bricks in building any successful venture." (The most important venture you ever build will be you.)

Now, a word of caution! This is not a self-hype, temporary motivational exercise. Yes, there is a role for motivational affirmations that temporarily build short-term bursts of self belief (especially in sports and other performance or competitive activities). We have all witnessed underdogs will themselves to victories in countless movies and sporting events.

Rather, this is a long-haul journey requiring the patience and compassion described by Shakti Gawain above. It also requires complete and honest truth with one's self. We all have strengths and limitations. No one is perfect. You have to be honest with yourself about your imperfections.

"Above all," as Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky said, "do not lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lies comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, around him, and so loses all respect for himself and others." 

For most of us, gaining -- and maintaining -- self respect is often one of the most difficult parts of the Project You Life Journey. As we wrote in our previous post on Self Respect Requires Taking Control of Your Thoughts, this takes time, patience and commitment. 

It also takes a willingness to test self-imposed boundaries. And it takes the mental energy required to frequently pause and have reflective conversations with yourself on what you are thinking and feeling about yourself. 

Today......right now.....couldn't be a better time to have such a reflective conversation. 

Project You: Living A Determined Life is a guide to Authentic Success, a journey that starts with self-understanding and self-respect. 

Be True To Your Values

Principles and Values Require 100% Commitment and Dedication

One of the most important things about principles is to understand that you cannot impose your values on others.

For instance, suppose you place a high value on punctuality, but your partner does not. Any efforts you make to impose your value of punctuality on your partner will undoubtedly lead to numerous spats followed by many moments of anguish and despair.

When you make judgments of others based on your principles, friction ensues.

One aspect of emotional maturity is the ability to leverage your values with courage in your decisions and actions, combined with the ability to do so in consideration of the feelings and convictions of others.

Another aspect of emotional maturity is the ability to understand how the values of others form a foundation for their own decisions and actions, even when these are not acceptable to you or are in direct opposition to your own views and convictions.

When you are emotionally mature you can have a great deal of ego strength, while maintaining respect and empathy for others.

Your principles require 100% commitment and dedication. They are not something to be pulled out of your wallet or purse and used to pay for your experiences in life like some kind of values credit card.

Be unflinching in your commitment to your principles. As Denis Waitley has written, "Moderation in temper is always a virtue. Moderation in principle is always a vice."

And lastly, by all means stick to your principles through hardships, turmoil, disappointments, heartaches, and in those moments when it seems like life would be easier if you just made a little compromise here or there. When it comes to your principles, there is no such thing as a "little" compromise.

In the words of Thomas Jefferson, "In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock."

One of the best ways to live a Project You Life will be, to paraphrase Shakespeare's famous line, to thine own values be true. 

This article is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback and eBook formats. 

Knowing and Understanding Your Principles

Your Inner Spirit Will Guide You

No one can teach you which principles to inculcate within yourself, for the simple reason that what works for some may not work for you. Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everybody else is absolutely unique.

There is no magic formula for always living up to your personal values, though this advice from philanthropist W. Clement Stone comes close:

Have the courage to say no.

Have the courage to face the truth.

Do the right thing because it is right.

These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.

The importance of knowing and understanding your principles cannot be over emphasized. As William F. Scolavino said, "The height of your accomplishments will equal the depth of your convictions."

Your inner spirit, usually speaking to you via your conscience, will always have a full understanding of your true principles. Listen and obey your conscience. It speaks to you through an inner voice telling you things that we often refer to as hunches or gut feelings. 

Trust your hunches and gut feelings, for these are based on facts, principles and values that are coded and ingrained at your unconscious, spiritual level.

In other words: trust yourself. 

This article is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and eBook formats at Amazon.

Self Understanding (Part Four)

The Impact of Deep Self Understanding on Decision Making and Self Esteem

In our last blog post, on Deeper Self Understanding, we quoted famed writer and thinker Eckhardt Tolle, who wrote: "The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, persona and family history, belief systems, and often political, nationalistic, racial, religious and other collective identifications. None of these are you."  

Likewise, realize that material wealth and creature comforts will not define who you truly are. Nor will they define who your children truly are or become.

Yes, a comfortable childhood usually leads to a more comfortable life as an adult. No one is arguing that there is a need to live in abject poverty to "find one's true self." On the other hand, as Andrew Carnegie said, "He who dies with wealth dies with shame."

To determine if what you are currently doing, and how you are currently living, is in line with your core values, ask yourself "why" are you doing it? 

Why are you starting that new business venture or creating that new product? To make money? Fine. But is that what you truly value? Or is it to make a difference in people's lives? The latter resonates much more strongly for most, as it is in line with their true values.

Here's some great advice from Louise Erdrich, a best-selling Native American author of novels, poetry and children's books, "Never rationalize anything that feels wrong." 

Or, as Mario Cuomo, a former governor of New York and Presidential candidate remarked, "Every time I've done something that doesn't feel right, it's ended up not being right."

Both Erdrich and Cuomo recognize and grasp the importance of deep self understanding, particularly in relation to decision making.

It is very tempting to do things that do not feel right, especially when no one else seems to be around watching. Remember, however, that your spirit is constantly watching you and will cause you grief when you do not live up to its (your!) standards. As Griffin Bell, a former U.S. Attorney General, advised, "Always err on the side of doing right. You and only you are responsible for your ethics."

Doing right by your own standards is the surest way to maintain self esteem. And despite what others will say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a hefty amount of self esteem, even when this gives rise to the side effect of an enlarged ego. 

Additionally, nothing you ever learn, know or have is worth learning, knowing or having unless you know how to be proud of yourself.

As Dr. Nathaniel Branden, a Canadian psychotherapist and writer known for his work in the psychology of self-esteem wrote, "Persons of high self-esteem are not driven to make themselves superior to others; they do not seek to prove their value by measuring themselves against a comparative standard. Their joy is being who they are, not in being better than someone else." 

Or, to put it another way, as Nido Qubein has, "Winners compare their achievements with their goals, while losers compare their achievements with those of other people."

We believe this is why self-actualization is at the peak of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs pyramid.

Knowing thyself is a two-part process comprising firstly self awareness and then self understanding. Truly knowing yourself is a critical and decisive first step on the journey of life that we call the Project You Life Journey. 

We'd love to hear your own stories on how a deeper sense of self understanding helped you in your own decision making or self esteem. Please let us know in the comments below, or email us at:  editors@projectyoulife.com. 

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life which is available in paperback and eBook formats at Amazon.  

Self Understanding (Part Three)

Deeper Self Understanding

Our last post discussed the linkage between Self Understanding and Being Authentic.

As mentioned, self understanding will help you become authentic, and remain authentic, in the large majority of your actions. 

Of course, you cannot be authentic if you do not know who you truly are. That is where self understanding comes in. 

Self reflection is the best school you will ever attend, and it is best that you become a lifetime student enrolled in this school.

Howard Gardner, a psychologist at the Harvard School of Education, differentiated between two types of personal intelligence:

interpersonal intelligence ── being the ability to understand other people and what motivates them, and 

intrapersonal intelligence ── being an inward capacity to form an accurate, genuine and truthful model of one's self.

Gardner described the core interpersonal intelligence as the "capacities to discern and respond appropriately to the moods, temperaments, motivations, and desires of other people." 

He depicted intrapersonal intelligence as the key to self-knowledge with "access to one's own feelings and the ability to discriminate among them and draw upon them to guide behavior."

The key to true self understanding is to be open and honest during your reflective dialogues with yourself.

It is also important to tune out what others say about you. As the Trappist Monk Thomas Merton wrote in his book No Man Is an Island, "Others can give you a name or number, but they can never tell you who you really are. That is something you yourself can only discover from within."

Also, do not get caught up in thinking your job title, your possessions or anything else you associate with are the real you. In the words of Eckhart Tolle:

"The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, personal and family history, belief systems, and often political, nationalistic, racial, religious and other collective identifications.

None of these are you."

Understanding the true motivations behind your thoughts and actions will place you in a better position to do what is right (for yourself as well as for others) when confronted with options and alternatives. 

This is why the words Know Thyself, inscribed in gold letters on the temple of Apollo at Delphi, are undoubtedly the most important two-word phrase ever chiseled or written.


This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in paperback and Kindle eBook formats at Amazon.