From Self Discovery to Self Understanding

Only you know and understand what you can become

The foundation of your own self definition will be expressed in your own self image. What you project to the world, and to yourself, reflects how well you understand yourself. The better this understanding, the greater will be the satisfactions you feel and experience.

For, as the acclaimed actor Sir John Gielgud said, "One's self-image is very important because if that's in good shape, then you can do anything, or practically anything."

Remember, there is nothing obvious or apparent in a caterpillar that foreshadows it becoming a butterfly. Only the caterpillar knows it is going to be a butterfly. Likewise, only you know and understand what you can or will become.

As Buddha said many times, "be a lamp unto yourself," so that you have the insight and understanding of a caterpillar. 

And in doing so, always recall the words of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing; others judge us by what we have done."

This planet is a laboratory of experiences and an infinite university of potential learning for the evolution of our souls. 

Use these experiences and lessons to cultivate a deeper, richer self understanding and you will find a greater balance and harmony in the spirit of your true self. 

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal growth and development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. 

Becoming An Authentic You

Moving from the ego-centered self to your absolute self. 

The self-help gurus will inundate you with messages along the lines of:

Any day you want you can discipline yourself to change anything and everything about your life that does not satisfy you or make you happy. It is only up to you to decide to make changes and then to take action to instill these changes within your life. It's only up to you! 

The Project You Life message is that yes, you can make any change you want, but that any such changes will only satisfy you and make you happy if they are predicated on a clear sense of authentic self awareness and self understanding.

Otherwise, it is like putting icing on a cake. Doing so does not change the texture or flavor of the actual cake; it just changes the eating experience by coating the cake with a preferred topping.

In his book Zen Bow Zen Arrow Awa Kenzo writes, "No matter the art, the most important thing is to establish who you really are. That is, move from the ego-centered self to the absolute self." 

As we wrote several weeks ago in our blog post on Self Awareness and Knowing Yourself, it is always a good idea to take time to pause and get to know (and understand) who you truly are. 

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal growth and development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Deeper Self Understanding -- Part Two

Greater Self Understanding Leads to Greater Self Esteem 

Here's some great advice from Louise Erdrich, a best-selling Native American author of novels, poetry and children's books, "Never rationalize anything that feels wrong." 

Or, as Mario Cuomo, a former governor of New York and Presidential candidate remarked, "Every time I've done something that doesn't feel right, it's ended up not being right."

Both Erdrich and Cuomo recognize and grasp the importance of self understanding, particularly in relation to decision making.

It is very tempting to do things that do not feel right, especially when no one else seems to be around watching. Remember, however, that your spirit is constantly watching you and will cause you grief when you do not live up to its (your!) standards. 

As Griffin Bell, a former U.S. Attorney General, advised, "Always err on the side of doing right. You and only you are responsible for your ethics."

Doing right by your own standards is the surest way to maintain self esteem. 

And despite what others will say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a hefty amount of self esteem, even when this gives rise to the side effect of an enlarged ego. 

Additionally, nothing you ever learn, know or have is worth learning, knowing or having unless you know how to be proud of yourself.

As Dr. Nathaniel Branden, a Canadian psychotherapist and writer known for his work in the psychology of self-esteem wrote, "Persons of high self-esteem are not driven to make themselves superior to others; they do not seek to prove their value by measuring themselves against a comparative standard. Their joy is being who they are, not in being better than someone else."

Or, to put it another way, as Nido Qubein has, "Winners compare their achievements with their goals, while losers compare their achievements with those of other people."

This is why self-actualization is at the peak of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. 

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats. 

Deeper Self Understanding -- Part One

The key to self understanding is to be open and honest with yourself. 

In the previous Project You Life Blog post on Self Understanding (Part Two), we shared with you that self understanding will help you become and remain authentic. And, of course, you want to be authentic. 

Of course, you cannot be authentic if you do not know who you truly are. That is where self understanding comes in. Self reflection is the best school you will ever attend, and it is best that you become a lifetime student enrolled in this school.

Howard Gardner, a psychologist at the Harvard School of Education, differentiated between two types of personal intelligence:

interpersonal intelligence ── being the ability to understand other people and what motivates them, and

intrapersonal intelligence ── being an inward capacity to form an accurate, genuine and truthful model of one's self.

Gardner described the core interpersonal intelligence as the "capacities to discern and respond appropriately to the moods, temperaments, motivations, and desires of other people." He depicted intrapersonal intelligence as the key to self-knowledge with "access to one's own feelings and the ability to discriminate among them and draw upon them to guide behavior."

The key to true self understanding is to be open and honest during your reflective dialogues with yourself.

It is also important to tune out what others say about you. As the Trappist Monk Thomas Merton wrote in his book No Man Is an Island, "Others can give you a name or number, but they can never tell you who you really are. That is something you yourself can only discover from within."

Also, do not get caught up in thinking your job title, your possessions or anything else you associate with are the real you. In the words of Eckhart Tolle:

The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, personal and family history, belief systems, and often political, nationalistic, racial, religious and other collective identifications.

None of these are you.

Understanding the true motivations behind your thoughts and actions will place you in a better position to do what is right (for yourself as well as for others) when confronted with options and alternatives.

Likewise, realize that material wealth and creature comforts will not define who you truly are. Nor will they determine who your children truly are. Yes, a comfortable childhood usually leads to a more comfortable life as an adult. No one is arguing that there is a need to live in abject poverty to "find one's true self." On the other hand, as Andrew Carnegie said, "He who dies with wealth dies with shame."

To determine if what you are doing is in line with your values, ask yourself "why" are you doing it? Why are you starting that new business venture or creating that new product? To make money? Fine. But is that what you truly value? Or is it to make a difference in people's lives? The latter resonates much more strongly for most, as it is in line with their true values. 

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Self Understanding -- Part Two

Understanding Yourself Will Help You Become Authentic

The various writers, speakers and products of the self-help industry all have one theme in common ── every person can take responsibility for changing and building their lives. That's a great start, but what most of the strategies and ideas proffered have lacked has been guidance in helping their students and readers come to grips with their true inner selves.

They have been great at helping people improve their self images, build stronger egos, identify ways to motivate themselves, and design strategies for personal goal attainment. But what they usually did not provide were tools and strategies for developing a better rapport with, and deeper understanding of, one's spiritual self.

As the late Dr. David Simon, co-founder of the Chopra Center, wrote, "The self-image or ego is what we hold to be true about ourselves and what we want others to believe about us. Most people believe they are their self-image and, therefore, diligently strive to protect it. In defense of our image, we imprison our spirit."

Self understanding will help you become authentic and remain authentic in the large majority of your actions. And you want to be authentic. According to Dr. Simon:

Authenticity is an alignment between your beliefs, your desires and your choices in the world.

Desires change throughout the course of a life, but agreement between ideals, aspirations and deeds is key to a life of peace, happiness and success. When you act in ways unlikely to fulfill your genuine desires, you experience the inner friction of a life out of alignment.

Desires that are in alignment with core beliefs generate powerful actions. Like a wave that draws from the depths of the ocean, actions connected to your authentic self are more likely to manifest your intentions.

In his book The Ten Commitments, Dr. Simon goes on to explain:

Choices that are in alignment with what we know, feel and believe to be true generate a natural sense of ease and confidence. When we allow distractions to intervene between our core values and the choices we make in the world, our energy is depleted. These distractions become false idols that block access to the divine.

The two underlining principles of Dr. Simon's thinking on authenticity are straight-forward:

Being authentic means assuming the responsibility for writing the story of your life.

Committing to authenticity means taking responsibility for what you choose to do and what you choose not to do.

Chapter two of his book The Ten Commitments is devoted to the concept of "A Commitment to Authenticity" and is well worth reading.

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Self Understanding -- Part One

The more you understand yourself, the more you understand the world. 

Self awareness is like putting your foot into a lake to see how cold the water is. Self understanding is diving into the lake to see how deep it is.

The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu placed great emphasis on self understanding. He wrote, "He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise."

Self understanding enables you to plumb the depths of your own inner spirit, and to seek out amazing discoveries about yourself. You will likely learn a lot more than you bargained for, including lessons about life, spirituality, other people, love, faith, and many other topics.

Paul Coelho wrote, "The more you understand yourself, the more you will understand the world." And centuries earlier, Aristotle told his followers, "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." It is sad that more people do not understand the linkages between self understanding and universal wisdom.

The past three decades have seen a litany of self-help books, tapes, videos, CDs, DVDs, webinars, and live programs produced. In fact, the entire self-help industry went from start-up phase to maturity in less than 40 years. The foundation the self-help movement in the latter years of the 20th Century were these words from the 19th Century American psychologist William James: "The most important discovery of my generation is people can change their lives by changing their minds."

Ever since, self-proclaimed gurus, personalities and industry leaders have been trying to help people change their minds through "attitude adjustments" and "positive thinking." Unfortunately, the majority of them failed to educate their followers that you must first have a firm understanding of yourself before implementing their programs and advice, so that your mind and your spirit are not in continual conflict.

Perhaps this is because the journey of self awareness and self understanding is a difficult and long one. As Miguel de Cervantes wrote, "Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world." 

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top-selling book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats. 

Know Yourself: Define Yourself

Only you know what you can or will become

The foundation of your own self definition will be expressed in your own self image. What you project to the world, and to yourself, reflects how well you understand yourself.

The better this understanding, the greater will be the satisfactions you feel and experience.

Remember, there is nothing obvious or apparent in a caterpillar that foreshadows it becoming a butterfly. Only the caterpillar knows it is going to be a butterfly.

Likewise, only you know and understand what you can or will become.

As Buddha said, "be a lamp unto yourself." This will give you the insight and understanding of a caterpillar. 

Doing so will also help you define yourself, both for the world and to yourself. And defining yourself is something you want to do.

After all, as George Bernard Shaw said, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

Here are some quotations from our book Project You: Words of Wisdom to help you go about defining and creating yourself: 

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been. Alan Ashley-Pitt 

How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us, and keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most. Stephen Covey 

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves. Sir Edmund Hillary 

When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. Lao-Tzu 

There is only one success -- to be able to spend your life in your own way. Christopher Morley 

You can judge me all you want. Just keep the verdict to yourself. Steven Howard 

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. African Proverb 

He who is firm in will molds the world to himself. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

There is nothing noble in being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self. Hindu Proverb 

Dogma is living with the results of other people's thinking. Steve Jobs 

This planet is a laboratory of experiences and an infinite university of potential learning for the evolution of our souls. 

Use your experiences and lessons to cultivate a deeper, richer self understanding and you will enjoy a greater balance and harmony in the spirit of your true (self-defined) self.

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Words of Wisdom, which is available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Know Yourself: Self Esteem

Self esteem heightens your sense of self worth

Dr. Nathaniel Branden, a Canadian psychotherapist and writer well known for his work in the psychology of self esteem wrote:

Persons of high self-esteem are not driven to make themselves 

superior to others; they do not seek to prove their value by

measuring themselves against a comparative standard.

Their joy is being who they are,

not in being better than someone else. 

Another of Branden's insights is that, "Self esteem is the reputation we acquire within ourselves." 

Think about that for a moment. You know what your reputation is amongst your friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and family members. 

But what is your reputation with yourself and of yourself? 

In many ways, self esteem should be thought of as self respect. For, like all other forms of respect, self respect must be earned before it is granted freely and willingly. 

Here are some quotations from our book Project You: Words of Wisdom to get you thinking about your own self esteem and feelings of self worth: 

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on. Unknown 

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. Robert Tew 

Seek respect mainly from thyself, for it comes first from within. Steven H. Coogler 

Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. M. Scott Peck 

Your self image is your pattern. Every thought has an activity visualized. Every activity belongs to a pattern. You identify with your patterns of thought. Your pattern leads your life.  J. G. Gallimore 

A growing body of research suggests that self-compassion, rather than self-esteem, may be the key to unlocking your true potential for greatness. Heidi Grant Halvorson 

Self esteem will also heighten your sense of self worth, a topic you are likely to struggle with at various times in your life. In today's society, one's sense of self worth is at times negated and chipped away at by others, often by the ones you love or care about the most.

Which makes this advice from the author Ralph Marston particularly relevant, "If you really want to improve your self-esteem, stop allowing other people to be responsible for it. Instead, create something of value Make a positive difference." 

Fortunately, self worth can be built up through one's own stimulus, actions and thinking. As the saying goes, "I was worthless, until I decided to be worth more."

No one can determine your worth but you.

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Words of Wisdom, which is available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon.

Know Yourself: Self Understanding

Understanding yourself helps you become more authentic

If self awareness is like putting your foot into a lake to see how cold the water is, then self understanding is diving into the lake to see how deep it is.

The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu placed great emphasis on self understanding. He wrote, "He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise." 

Self understanding enables you to plumb the depths of your own inner spirit, and to seek out amazing discoveries about yourself. You will likely learn a lot more than you bargained for, including lessons about life, spirituality, other people, love, faith, and many other topics. As such, it's a journey well worth taking.

Here are some motivational quotes from our book Project You: Words of Wisdom to assist you in this journey of self discovery and understanding: 

Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last honesty and truth. Ralph Waldo Emerson 

You can out-distance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you. Rwandan Proverb 

Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lies comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, around him, and so loses all respect for himself and others. Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky 

The highest form of human intelligence is to observe yourself without judgment. Krishnamurti 

Paul Coelho wrote, "The more you understand yourself, the more you will understand the world." Centuries earlier Aristotle told his followers, "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." 

Self understanding will help you become more authentic and remain authentic in your words and in the large majority of your actions. And you want to be authentic.

Of course, you cannot be authentic if you do not know who you truly are. This is where self understanding comes into play.

Self reflection is the best school you will ever attend, and it is best that you become a lifetime student enrolled in this school.

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Words of Wisdom, available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Know Yourself: Self Awareness

Understanding the promptings of your innermost heart

Self awareness is not about looking deeply within your internal chamber of secrets and trying to discover "your true self."

Rather, it is an open, honest, candid, and on-going self observation of what drives you to take the actions you take, to think the thoughts you think, and to feel the emotions that bubble up inside you.

People with high levels of self awareness have a clear and definite grasp of their own strengths and weaknesses, as well as an elevated sensitivity to observe what motivates, de-motivates, satisfies, delights, annoys, and angers them.

With a solid sense of self awareness you multiply your predisposition to go after the opportunities that are right for you -- by leveraging your strengths, values, and inner motivations. Likewise, you are also better positioned to minimize your chances of pursuing activities that are likely to have unsatisfying or potentially harmful results.

Here are some quotes from our book Project You: Words of Wisdom that might help you create such a solid sense of self awareness:

Knowing others is wisdom; knowing self is enlightenment. Tao Te Ching 

Total, unconditional acceptance of yourself is the first step in building a positive self-image. Nido Qubein 

Others can give you a name or a number, but they can never tell you who you really are. That is something you yourself can only discover from within. Thomas Menton, No Man an Island 

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. Aristotle 

You are searching the world for treasure but the real treasure is yourself. Rumi 

When you know yourself you are empowered. When you accept yourself you are invincible. Tina Lifford 

Finally, as Robertson Davies, one of Canada's most distinguished men of letters, wrote, "A man must be obedient to the promptings of his innermost heart." The first step, of course, is to have a clear awareness of what reverberates in your innermost heart.

Likewise, as we quoted American actor and playwright Harvey Fierstein in the previous post Knowing Yourself / Defining Yourself, "accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself." 

Doing both of these puts you squarely on the path to Living A Determined Life. 

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Words of Wisdom, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Knowing Yourself / Defining Yourself

Life is about creating yourself

As you continue on your life's journey it is critical, as American actor and playwright Harvey Fierstein wrote, to "accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."  

The journey of self awareness and self understanding is a difficult and long one. As we quoted Miguel de Cervantes in the previous post Know Thyself, "Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world." 

Difficult, yes. Impossible? Definitely not. 

The foundation of your own self definition will be expressed in your own self image. What you project to the world, and to yourself, reflects how well you understand yourself. The better this understanding, the greater will be the satisfactions you feel and experience.

Here are some quotations from our book Project You: Words of Wisdom to help you along this journey of self understanding and knowing one's self:

He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise. Lao-Tzu 

He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe. Marcus Aurelius 

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Max Ehrman 

I am learning to be patient and compassionate with myself as I gain the courage to be true to myself. Shakti Gawain 

As you become more clear about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide what is best for you the first time around. Oprah Winfrey 

Again, the better your understanding of yourself the greater will be the satisfactions you feel and experience.

After all, as George Bernard Shaw said, "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

That's a philosophy at the heart of Living A Determined Life. 

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Words of Wisdom, available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. 

Know Thyself

Know Yourself / Define Yourself

Know Thyself.

Those words, inscribed in gold letters on the temple of Apollo at Delphi, are probably the most important two-word phrase ever written.

Know thyself is a two-step process comprising self awareness and self understanding. 

Self awareness is a heightened sense of continuous attention to one's feelings, emotions, and thoughts. 

Self understanding is being aware of your thoughts about your feelings, emotions, and thoughts -- and being mindful of the impact these are having on your contemplated, intended, or actual actions. 

When combined and integrated, these two steps lead to self definition.

Here are some quotes from our book Project You: Words of Wisdom we hope will help motivate you to better knowing and defining yourself:

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. Buddha

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on. Unknown 

Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world. Miguel de Cervantes 

We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter. Denis Diderot 

The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself. Lao-Tzu

Yes, you need not do anything but be yourself. But first, you have to know and define yourself.

And that will be one of the most fascinating journeys you ever take.

Bon voyage!  

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Words of Wisdom, available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon. 

Following Your Conscience Creates Self Respect

Increasing Self Respect Makes Life More Pleasant 

You know instinctively when you are lying to yourself and trying to rationalize some course of action that your conscience is advising against. 

Going against your conscience usually results in a unpleasant results and a decrease in self respect. 

Follow your conscience and you will wake up each morning with a greater amount of respect for yourself. Disobey your conscience and the seeds of regret and self disenchantment begin to sprout. As William Penn wrote, "Only trust thyself and another shall not betray thee." 

You also need to respect yourself enough to walk away from anything -- or anyone -- that no longer renews you, helps you grow or makes you happy. 

Of course, this is not to suggest that you run away from your responsibilities (particularly parental ones) or your relationships simply because you are unhappy or not feeling any growth. In fact, personal growth will come from how you work your way through such situations.

On the other hand, as Zig Ziglar points out, "Life is too short to spend your precious time trying to convince a person who wants to live in gloom and doom otherwise. Give lifting that person your best show but don't hang around long enough for his or her bad attitude to pull you down. Instead, surround yourself with optimistic people." 

Respecting yourself also includes limiting the amount of damage you do to your body through over eating, alcohol, drugs, and your sleeping patterns. 

Respect is not something that you turn on and off like a water tap. It should gush from you at all times, toward all people, living creatures, the environment, property, and things in general. 

But, of course, before you can truly give respect to others, you have to have respect for yourself. 

Yes, you will occasionally come across people whose actions do not warrant respect. In such situations it is best to recall Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's words above to treat such people "as if they were what they ought to be." In doing so, perhaps you might just help them overcome whatever obstacles and hurdles they face and be a factor in them becoming what they ought to be. 

Even if your own respectful actions do not seem to have any impact on them, at least you will be left with a positive, respectful feeling toward yourself. Such a feeling makes it easier to walk away from idiots and those with self-proclaimed ambits of authority while maintaining peace with yourself instead of being angry with them and the world. 

Just add a little bit of respect into each of your encounters with others, and life will become a whole lot more pleasant and rewarding. 

Please take 10 minutes and think about ways you can improve your own self respect, and what actions you can take to bring more respect into the world around you.

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon. 

The Right Path to Self Respect

Self Respect is a Long-Haul Journey

When these words from Shakti Gawain ring true for you, you will know that you are on the right path to self respect:

"I am learning to be patient and compassionate with myself as I gain the courage to be true to myself."

As detailed in our top-selling book  Project You: Living A Determined Life, it is far more important to be true to yourself than to seek acceptance and confirmation from others. 

The same goes for respect. As Steven H. Coogler writes, "Seek respect mainly from thyself, for it comes first from within."

One of the ironies about respect and self respect was identified centuries ago by the Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu: "When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you."

Your continued personal development comes through the continuous process of building and maintaining high levels of self esteem and self respect. By changing the way you think about yourself, and by changing the internal verbal dialogues you have with yourself, you change your attitude, belief in yourself and your own abilities, the convictions you hold, and your energy levels.

All from simply how you think about and feel about you! 

And, as Lydia M. Child emphasizes, "Belief in oneself is one of the most important bricks in building any successful venture." (The most important venture you ever build will be you.)

Now, a word of caution! This is not a self-hype, temporary motivational exercise. Yes, there is a role for motivational affirmations that temporarily build short-term bursts of self belief (especially in sports and other performance or competitive activities). We have all witnessed underdogs will themselves to victories in countless movies and sporting events.

Rather, this is a long-haul journey requiring the patience and compassion described by Shakti Gawain above. It also requires complete and honest truth with one's self. We all have strengths and limitations. No one is perfect. You have to be honest with yourself about your imperfections.

"Above all," as Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky said, "do not lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lies comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, around him, and so loses all respect for himself and others." 

For most of us, gaining -- and maintaining -- self respect is often one of the most difficult parts of the Project You Life Journey. As we wrote in our previous post on Self Respect Requires Taking Control of Your Thoughts, this takes time, patience and commitment. 

It also takes a willingness to test self-imposed boundaries. And it takes the mental energy required to frequently pause and have reflective conversations with yourself on what you are thinking and feeling about yourself. 

Today......right now.....couldn't be a better time to have such a reflective conversation. 

Project You: Living A Determined Life is a guide to Authentic Success, a journey that starts with self-understanding and self-respect. 

Self Respect Requires Taking Control of Your Thoughts

Self Respect Comes From Total, Unconditional Acceptance of Yourself

You need not be controlled by your thoughts. In fact, you have immense control over your own thoughts, even the subconscious ones. Scientific studies have shown that the subconscious mind can only think what it is told. It cannot create new thought patterns by itself; but only through external stimuli.

Thus, if you tell yourself you are sad, unhappy or angry, then that is what your subconscious will believe and hence will direct you to act accordingly. However, if you tell yourself that you have a significant number of things to be grateful for, no matter how dire the current circumstances may seem, then you will approach your situation in a more positive, optimistic and happier manner.

The key is to fully understand yourself and how you allow situations, comments, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions impact you. As Nido Qubein has written, "Total, unconditional acceptance of yourself is the first step in building a positive self-image." 

As mentioned in our previous post on Self Respect, you have to weed out the negative thoughts circulating in your inner talk. Like weeds in a garden, such thoughts need to be killed, not pruned. 

For many, gaining ─ and maintaining ─ self respect is often the most arduous part of the Project You Life Journey. It takes time, patience and commitment. It takes a willingness to test self imposed boundaries. It takes the mental energy required to frequently pause and have reflective conversations with one's self.

And, of course, it takes the ability to love all mankind as well as yourself. As the writer Joan Didion penned, "To have that sense of one's intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything." 

Our book, Project You: Living A Determined Life, is a guide to Authentic Success, a journey that starts with self-understanding and self-respect. 

The Importance of Self Respect

Time to Garden Out the Weeds in Your Self Respect Thoughts

One important aspect of respect is self respect.

Like many attributes in life, respect for yourself is something you must have before you can give it to others. It is almost impossible to respect and love others if you do not respect and love yourself.

For, as Zig Ziglar has pointed out, "The most influential person who will talk to you all day is you, so you should be very careful about what you say to you!" 

Your heightened self awareness and self understanding, is very critical.

If you are not careful, your constant chatter with yourself will pull you down through negative thoughts that create a poor attitude, an unattractive demeanor and reduced self esteem.

That is why it is important to understand and be aware of what motivates you and what drives your own self respect to lower levels. After all, having low self esteem is like driving through life with your personal hand brake on. 

"To think bad thoughts," notes James Clavell, "is really the easiest thing in the world. If you leave your mind to itself it will spiral down into ever increasing unhappiness. To think good thoughts, however, requires effort. This is one of the things that discipline -- training -- is about."

How do you eliminate, or at least control, the bad thoughts buzzing throughout your mind? 

Jim Rohn answers this question with a gardening metaphor: "You cannot take the mild approach to the weeds in your mental garden. You have got to hate weeds enough to kill them. Weeds are not something you handle; weeds are something you devastate." 

Perhaps it's time to do a little self respect gardening work this weekend?

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon.

Be True To Your Values

Principles and Values Require 100% Commitment and Dedication

One of the most important things about principles is to understand that you cannot impose your values on others.

For instance, suppose you place a high value on punctuality, but your partner does not. Any efforts you make to impose your value of punctuality on your partner will undoubtedly lead to numerous spats followed by many moments of anguish and despair.

When you make judgments of others based on your principles, friction ensues.

One aspect of emotional maturity is the ability to leverage your values with courage in your decisions and actions, combined with the ability to do so in consideration of the feelings and convictions of others.

Another aspect of emotional maturity is the ability to understand how the values of others form a foundation for their own decisions and actions, even when these are not acceptable to you or are in direct opposition to your own views and convictions.

When you are emotionally mature you can have a great deal of ego strength, while maintaining respect and empathy for others.

Your principles require 100% commitment and dedication. They are not something to be pulled out of your wallet or purse and used to pay for your experiences in life like some kind of values credit card.

Be unflinching in your commitment to your principles. As Denis Waitley has written, "Moderation in temper is always a virtue. Moderation in principle is always a vice."

And lastly, by all means stick to your principles through hardships, turmoil, disappointments, heartaches, and in those moments when it seems like life would be easier if you just made a little compromise here or there. When it comes to your principles, there is no such thing as a "little" compromise.

In the words of Thomas Jefferson, "In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock."

One of the best ways to live a Project You Life will be, to paraphrase Shakespeare's famous line, to thine own values be true. 

This article is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback and eBook formats. 

Knowing and Understanding Your Principles

Your Inner Spirit Will Guide You

No one can teach you which principles to inculcate within yourself, for the simple reason that what works for some may not work for you. Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everybody else is absolutely unique.

There is no magic formula for always living up to your personal values, though this advice from philanthropist W. Clement Stone comes close:

Have the courage to say no.

Have the courage to face the truth.

Do the right thing because it is right.

These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.

The importance of knowing and understanding your principles cannot be over emphasized. As William F. Scolavino said, "The height of your accomplishments will equal the depth of your convictions."

Your inner spirit, usually speaking to you via your conscience, will always have a full understanding of your true principles. Listen and obey your conscience. It speaks to you through an inner voice telling you things that we often refer to as hunches or gut feelings. 

Trust your hunches and gut feelings, for these are based on facts, principles and values that are coded and ingrained at your unconscious, spiritual level.

In other words: trust yourself. 

This article is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and eBook formats at Amazon.