Purposely Forgetting The Actions You Have Forgiven

Our previous three posts have been on the gift, art and benefits of forgiving.

The next step after forgiveness is to purposely forget whatever actions, words, transgressions, or trespasses you have forgiven.

This is the only way to ensure that events of the past do not impact the present or your future.

Our brains are pretty good at selective memory and recall. When it comes to the people whose actions or words have done us harm, it is vital to bring this selective memory functionality into use.

It is said that time heals all wounds. That may be true (though often it is not for people are capable of holding grudges and maintaining anger until their deaths), but there is no need to wait for time to run its course to complete the healing process.

In order to fully benefit from the power of forgiveness you must store the details of the transgression in the deepest chambers of your memory and not allow these to surface unnecessarily.

Otherwise the transgression and its associated emotions of hurt and anger will repeatedly bubble to the forefront of your memory like some recurring nightmare. With it will come all the hate and venom you retain for the other person, thus negating the benefits gleaned through forgiveness.

Don't believe this can be done? How about all the trespasses and transgressions you have made against others over the years? Can you recall all of these? Not likely.

For the ones you do remember, you probably experience feelings of regret, sorrow, embarrassment, anger, or remorse. As these are uncomfortable feelings that you are unlikely to enjoy, you subconsciously or purposely repress the memories of your wrongful actions.

Since you are not likely to want to continue experiencing the painful feelings that come from recalling what you have forgiven, you need to consciously and purposely put into place the same memory repression of the transgressions and trespasses against you. Otherwise, the next time you encounter or interact with the person you have supposedly forgiven, these painful emotions and feelings will return and you will struggle to fight them off.

This is why previously married couples often remain angry with one another and spiteful to each other years after their divorce decrees have been finalized. As long as they continue to recall the past negative events or previous hurt feelings they associate with each other, they will maintain contempt for one another. Only by placing the past fully into the past and locking away their negative and detracting memories through purposely forgetting will they be able to get on with their lives and reap the benefits of forgiveness.

Until we achieve high levels of self actualization, we will all retain a tendency to allow ourselves to be hurt by the transgressions, trespasses, words, and wrongful actions of others. Remember, it is how we react to situations and people that cause us true pain and affliction, not the actual events or people themselves. 

Likewise it remains in our power to purposely forget these occurrences as we please, knowing that doing so will heightened the personal benefits we gain from forgiving others.