Tuesday, February 11, 2014

The Benefits of Forgiveness


Sometimes, even when an act is not fully forgiven, people continue to co-exist with their relationships, though perhaps in a slightly altered form. Many couples stay in marriages even when a transgression by one has never been forgiven by the other. For whatever reason, the aggrieved party decides to stow away their feelings of hurt, despite not being able or willing to bestow the gift of forgiveness on their partner.

Here’s some advice from Juan L. Christian, a teacher whose quote comes without any additional reference information, “As you sojourn through life, forgive. No matter what has been done to you, said about you, or how painful it may be. In the end you will feel the warmth of the tapestry of love you’ve created.”

There is a North American Indian proverb that offers advice on not turning those you cannot forgive into enemies, “One foe is too many and a hundred friends are too few.

Of course, most of the time the people you are unable to forgive do not become your enemies, they are simply removed from your life through your own courses of action. Unfortunately, in doing so, you miss the opportunity to reap the personal rewards that forgiving others bequeaths.

Naturally, forgiveness is also a core component of true friendships. Moulton Farnham illustrated this as follows, “Our friends are those who know their own faults well enough to forgive us ours.

And, of course, forgiveness is a critical aspect of parenthood. After all, one’s children are a never-ending source for opportunities to practice and display forgiveness! From throwing tantrums to breaking things, and from violating the trust placed in them to committing foolish or illegal acts, children and teenagers require a great deal of forgiveness.

But there is another aspect of forgiveness and parenting. Being a parent also means at times asking forgiveness from one’s children. After all, none of us are perfect, despite our parental attempts and displays to prove otherwise. Kevin Leman, an author and speaker, has aptly written, “I believe the time we really look big in a child’s eyes is when we go to them and apologize for our mistakes and we say: I was wrong, will you forgive me?

Dr. David Simon has an entire chapter on forgiveness in his book The Ten Commitments, which is well worth reading and referring to from time to time. A highlight from this chapter is:

Forgiveness brings divinity to humanity. More than a mere mood or sentiment, it radiates from a heart that has released pain, resentment, regret, disappointment and guilt. Forgiveness is a practice. It has the power to release constrictions in your heart that inhibit your ability to love.

Practice forgiveness and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness.

Practice forgiveness and you will increase your ability to love on all fronts.

Practice forgiveness and you will become a better individual, partner, friend, parent, and even co-worker.
[This three-part series on Forgiveness is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life.]
The previous two blog posts in this series were:

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