Leadership Based On Values

Shared Values Set the Context for Individual and Collective Behavior 

For those of you who get the opportunity to lead an entire organization, additional challenges will surface. Not the least of these is ensuring a corporate culture aligned with the collective values of its employees.

Recall the earlier quote from Henry Ford: "A business that only makes money is a poor business."

Without a doubt, this quote is more true in today's world of Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR), multiple constituencies, more knowledgeable customers, and a highly mobile workforce than it was during the "glorious" Industrial Age of the 1900s.

Likewise, the management philosophies and tools of the 20th century are no longer as useful or effective for leading a 21st century workforce. In fact, many leadership observers believe the pendulum has currently swung too far in the direction of the management ethos of "what gets measured gets done" and has resulted in too much emphasis on setting specifically measurable criteria for every aspect of business.

While goal setting and measurement tracking are still valid practices, the core leadership philosophy for business owners and managers today is best built on the values of transparency, excellence and caring for one another. How these core values are expressed through action and behavior differentiate one organization from another.

The Supreme Court in the United States has pronounced that "companies are people" with the same First Amendment rights and protections as individuals. While not every jurisdiction will go this far in granting organizations human qualities, the best business owners and leaders do see their organizations as living and evolving entities driven by shared values.

Each person on your team has their own inherent set of values. It is an unwise business owner or leader who expects his or her employees to park their individual values at the door upon arrival at work each day.

The astute business owner or leader, on the other hand, coalesces his or her staff around a set of shared values that set and define the context for individual and collaborative behavior.

Motorola Solutions is one such entity with a clearly defined set of shared various:

We are innovative

We are passionate

We are driven

We are accountable

We are partners

These values not only drive the decision-making process and collaborative efforts within this global, multi-cultural organization, they are also used as important criteria in the company's recruitment and talent development processes. 

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Leaders Must Be Coaches and Mentors

Leaders Focus on Long-Term Initiatives and the Development of People

In order to develop the skills and talents of your people, you must become a good coach. A good coach will unleash the often hidden talents in a person, while also retaining the capability to provide counsel on wrong decisions and advice on fixing problematic performance issues.

Anyone can become a good coach; yet it takes a very special person to be a good coach.

Both of these seemingly contradictory statements are true.

You certainly already possess some of the attributes of a dynamic coach, and those characteristics that do not come naturally can be learned.

First and foremost, as is true with all teachers, coaches must themselves be active learners. The successful coach takes on the mindset that he or she will never stop learning, no matter how "far they have come." This means developing one’s specific work related skills, and increasing knowledge of general skills and talents through reading, taking formal classes and seminars, and by thoughtful discussion with peers.

When you enter a coaching relationship, you are taking on an individual with a package of talents, weaknesses, pluses, minuses, and probably contradictions. Your job is to nurture and develop that package to the point at which it produces maximum benefit for the organization and the individual himself. 

The aim of all coaching is personal growth so that the subordinate staff member can contribute maximum effort to the organization. Problems and confrontations can be major character builders. Part of the coach’s role is to help the staff member understand how a problem or a failed effort can be turned into a positive learning situation and experience. 

In world-class organizations, we have seen that the coaching function is capable of accomplishing some major organizational objectives. Successful coaching can:

• Fully orient a new employee to the company and its culture.
• Instill confidence through teaching general and specific knowledge about the company.
• Confront troublesome situations.
• Counsel an employee through rough and uncertain waters on a personal or professional basis.

Coaching accomplishes all of this through the power of the one-on-one relationship. The key is for your own subordinates to catch the excitement of learning when they see that excitement in you.

Here are a couple of questions to ask yourself:

How much of your time is spent on getting things done or focusing on ensuring results?

How much of your time is spent in meetings, on conference calls and answering email?

Add the percentages together. If your answer is greater than 85%, you may have a problem on your hands, because the time remaining is all that you have left to develop your people. 

This answer may also provide you with insights into how you can better prioritize your work activities, perhaps by delegating some of the "doing" work so that you can focus on long-term initiatives and the development of your people.

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

You Lead People. You Don't Manage Them.

Lead People. Manage Things, Processes, Procedures and Policies. 

Most people who attain any level of success in their careers end up managing and leading others at some point. 

Those who are most successful in these endeavors are the ones who understand they are leading people, not inanimate departments or teams within organizations. In a nutshell, a good leader leads people and manages things, processes, procedures, and policies.

Another hallmark of a good leader is the knowledge that their role is not to create more followers, but to produce more leaders for the organization. Managers desire followers, not leaders. This is one reason why, in the eyes of leadership guru Warren G. Bennis, "Failing organizations are usually over-managed and under-led."

Once you are put into a leadership position (of a team, department, unit, or an entire organization), your primary role changes. Your key focus becomes a bigger picture combined with a longer term perspective, while your other main responsibility is to develop your people. 

Jack Welch described this transition in these words: "Before you become a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others."

Of course, not all your attention is paid to others. You still have the responsibility to continue growing and developing yourself as well. "Nothing so conclusively proves a man's ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself," counseled legendary IBM Chairman Thomas J. Watson (who reigned in a time when there were few, if any, women leaders in the business world and hence the gender stereotype of his remarks).

You can find millions of words, thousands of books and hundreds of training programs devoted to the topic of leadership. Here are a few of these words for your consideration:

The three "C's" of leadership are Consideration, Caring and Courtesy. Be polite to everyone. ~ Brian Tracy

The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority. ~ Kenneth Blanchard

The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly. ~ Jim Rohn

Men can be stimulated to show off their good qualities to the leader who seems to think they have good qualities. ~ John Richelsen

It is a fine thing to have ability, but the ability to discover ability in others is the true test. ~ Elbert G. Hubbard

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Using Your Intuitive Skills

Checklist for Evaluating Your Intuition 

Here are some steps for using and evaluating your intuition whenever a hard decision is forthcoming:

1.    Write down the key issue or issues being faced.

2.   List the major benefits expected from a right decision and the major consequences probable if the decision is wrong.

3.   Identify as many options as possible.

4.   Analyze and review each option separately, listing the pros, cons and costs of each.

5.   Eliminate the options that appear too risky or have consequences beyond the organization's tolerance level.

6.   Discuss and obtain feedback of the remaining options from people whose judgment and wisdom you respect, both from within and outside the organization.  

7.    Do an internal intuition check by asking yourself:

a) all else being equal, which option would I choose? Why?

b) what motivates you to pick one option over another?

c)  what is the worst thing that can happen from a wrong decision?

d) how will you know if the decision is wrong? Would you be able to change course or direction if this occurs?

e) can you look those you respect in the eyes and honesty say, "I feel right about this decision"?

8.   Make your decision. If this is a team decision, present your findings and recommendations to the team.

9.   Make it work. But be willing to change course or direction if the results being generated do not live up to expectations.

Of course, in question 7a above, all is not going to be equal. Part of your implementation plan, therefore needs to make your preferred option as close to equal, or better than equal, to any of the other options. 

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Use Your Intuitive Instincts

Your Intuition Can Be A Leadership Advantage 

Numerous surveys have revealed that one of the key factors in helping successful organizational leaders make tough decisions is their ability to trust their intuitive instincts.

This is not surprising, for intuitive people tend to be efficient at gathering sufficient information to put them at ease when making decisions. It appears that they are also able to quickly assess and analyze such information and integrate it with their personal accumulation of experience, knowledge, understanding, and insights to produce worthy decisions.

Although intuitive skills appear more natural and stronger in some leaders, it is also a skill that can be learned and honed over time. But only for those who can let go of a total reliance on logic, evidentiary data and number crunching. 

As acclaimed journalist and author Roy Rowan notes, "This feeling, this little whisper from deep inside your brain may contain far more information, both facts and impressions, than you are likely to obtain from hours of analysis."

The feeling that Rowan describes is often referred to as one's gut instincts or heartfelt (non-rational) feelings. 

Outside observers might interpret intuitive decisions as rash impulses, but in reality they are a blend of powerful intuition, insights and understanding developed from prior experiences, and clear-headed logic. The stronger the feelings, and the better the person's track record from previous intuitive decisions, the greater are the odds that the intuitive decision is the best one.

A word of caution though. While leaning on your intuition can be a leadership advantage, it can also be a leadership weakness if relied upon to the exclusion of hard-core data and the recommendations and intuition of your leadership colleagues. 

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Your Professional Development Is Your Responsibility

It's A Good Day When You Learn Something New! 

In the business world, the need for personal and professional development has never been greater. 

The skills needed for career success and advancement are changing rapidly, and no longer include just the "hard" technical skills required to perform tasks. 

So-called "soft skills" such as influence, leading others, working in teams, cross-border communications, cultural diversity, developing others, and conflict management are all required for success in today's workplace.

Additionally, today's workers need to hone their skills in the areas of self awareness, self confidence, trustworthiness, organizational awareness, market awareness, and achievement orientation.

Thus, the escalating need today for self-development is evident on both a personal and a workplace level. 

In many ways, what is needed today is more a focus on personal development that is for the good of society and the community, not just for the betterment of one's self. 

This is best expressed in the Japanese word kyosei, which essentially means "living and working together for the common good." 

Remember, your business and work results are a reflection of you. Your career and future business results will grow in direct proportion to your own personal growth and development. 

Don't wait for your bosses or your organization to develop your skills. Take on this responsibility yourself -- through books, online learning opportunities, or even just having conversations with more senior and experienced colleagues. 

As we often like to say:  it's a good day when you learning something new! 

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is also available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Professional Development

Be Fond of Knowledge and Steadily Raise Your Levels of Expectations 

Your business and work results are a reflection of you. Your career and future business results will grow in direct proportion to your own personal growth and development.

As the golfer Jack Nicklaus points out, "Achievement is largely the product of steadily raising one's levels of aspirations and expectations." 

One great way to steadily raise your personal levels of aspiration, according to Chicken Soup for the Soul author and founder Mark Victor Hansen, is to "read books, listen to tapes and attend seminars ── they are decades of wisdom reduced to invaluable hours." 

Another way is to delve into the treasure trove of educational and "how to" video clips at YouTube, one of the largest and greatest sources of free information available.

There are three types of education you will receive in life ── formal learning through school, self-learning through what you read and see, and the teachings that come your way from living your life.

None of these methodologies is necessarily better than the others, though there are some things you cannot learn through formal schooling or reading. Love, for instance. Or how it feels to do something of value for another human being.

What is most important, however, is learning how to learn. In the business world, corporate training programs are based on the concept that the way adults learn is through doing and experiencing, hence the proliferation of breakout groups and role playing in most of these programs. 

As Paul Coelho writes, "Teaching is merely showing that something is possible. Learning is making something possible for yourself."

It is also important to develop a life-long desire for learning. 

For, as Confucius wrote, "To be fond of learning is to be near knowledge." 

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

How To Discover And Define Your Life's Work

The Importance of Aligning Your Professional Life With Your Life's Work 

Here is a simple tool to help you discover and define your life's work. Write a descriptive statement specifying why you are doing what you do, or what you would be doing in an ideal environment. This descriptive should be a single sentence that answers:

Who are you professionally?

What are you doing for a living?

Why are you doing this?

For instance:

I am a highly paid executive (who)

generating significant personal revenue (what)

to enable me to fund projects that feed the hungry (why).

I am a teacher (who)

opening young minds (what)

so the world will be a better place for my grandchildren (why).

I am a consultant (who)

who advises business start-ups (what)

so I have time to write children's books with moral stories (why).

The "why" should be clearly aligned to your life's purpose, which can either be directly linked to your employment work (as in the case of the teacher example above) or not (as in the other two examples). The "who" and "what" are the means to your Determined Life desired outcomes or goals.

Remember, the "who" in this purpose statement is not a true reflection of who you truly are, but merely a descriptive of who you are in your professional life capacity. 

When you align your professional life with your life's purpose you will be Living A Determined Professional Life. 

When that happens, you will never long to stay in bed longer (even on a cold winter's morning) nor will you ever again not look forward to Monday mornings. 

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

How To Have A Successful Working Career

Living A Determined Professional Life 

Mark Sutherland, a business coach in New Zealand and former Olympic Gold Medal coach, says there are three components to a successful work career ── enjoyment in what you do, being productive and doing something meaningful.

Since a great many people spend the vast majority of their waking hours either working or thinking about work, having these three key components front and center will certainly enhance the chances of developing a successful and satisfying working career.

We have reached a juncture in the development of the world where it is time to question whether too much attention is paid to economic growth and commerce. Many years ago, the line "It's the economy, stupid" helped Bill Clinton win the United States Presidency. Today, one almost feels like a presidential candidate should be shouting "It's society and our people" at his or her opponent. But until that day is reached, your professional life is likely to remain utmost among your concerns and short-term desires.

So how do you do something meaningful that you enjoy while being productive? The first step is to always bring your A-Game with you. A true professional is one who can do their best even at times when they do not particularly feel like it.

The second step is to be people focused. Far too many organizational leaders focus on tracking the outcomes of profit and customer satisfaction scores. These measurements, however, are actually byproducts of staff development, reliable products and quality customer service delivery. 

As Henry Ford said, "A business that only makes money is a poor business." A good business is one that raises the skill levels of its employees and makes pertinent contributions to its community or society at large.

The third step in meeting the success criteria laid out by Sutherland is to port your personal life characteristics and personal values into your professional life. Research shows that those whose working lives mirror or encapsulate their personal values are generally more productive and happiest with their professional lives.

For, as author and leadership trainer Steven Howard notes, "When people go to work they should not be required to leave their values at home." 

If the values of your working environment clash with your personal values, removing yourself as quickly as feasible from that working environment is mandatory for your spiritual, physical and emotional health (and growth). You are not likely to find enjoyment, be productive or consider your work to be meaningful in an environment where the values are not in sync with your personal values.

Additionally, if you cannot live your passions through your work, then you absolutely must find a way to pursue your passions on the side. Allowing your professional life to bury your personal passions is neither spiritually healthy nor rewarding. 

Living your passions through your work. Now that's the definition of Living A Determined Professional Life. 

Lastly, beware of the evil trap of, as Jackson Browne eloquently put it, "going in search of the legal tender." 

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Working To Live A Determined Professional Life

Do You Love What You Do? 

Your life's work is not necessarily your employment work. The latter is how you put food on the table, clothes on your back and shelter over your head.

It is interesting that the workplace has so many Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) tracking a variety of areas in order to measure organizational success and improvement. And yet, very few people use the one solitary KPI of determining their own career success that makes the most sense ── do you love what you do?

If you do not love what you are doing in your employment chances are you are working to live ── generating an income to meet your financial obligations and some of your wants and desires. Hopefully some of these wants and desires are aligned with your Determined Life goals and desired outcomes.

You can leverage your income generating activities one of two ways:

1) continue to climb the income and status ladders in your organization or industry and focus on career success as a key metric for your life, or

2) use your employment income to fund your dream fulfillment and achieve your Determined Life goals.

The first alternative makes your personal revenue scalable, but often results in the postponed pursuit of your dreams, goals and life's purpose. 

The second alternative leverages your ability to produce sufficient (though perhaps not maximum) income while making your Determined Life dreams and goals scalable by reserving the majority of your time and energy for pursuit of your goals and life's purpose.

Albert Schweitzer understood the linkage between success and doing what you love: "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." 

That's what we would call Living A Determined Professional Life. 

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Me Time

The Importance of Putting "Me Time" on Your Personal Calendars

What is at the top of your personal To Do list right now? Do you spend the majority of each weekend running errands and handling personal and family chores? When was the last time you scheduled Me Time?

We are not machines, though we often push ourselves like mechanical beasts. We all need to take breaks and relax. We all need time alone to ourselves, even when it seems like there's no spare time to do so (which, in fact, is the exact time when we most desperately need a break from the world, other people, and all the commitments and tasks facing us).

Me Time should be exactly that. Time for just you, or just you and someone you don't see very often that you want to share some special time with. Me Time is not a time for running personal errands. It is a time to be alone with yourself, catch your breath, and regain your internal harmony.

If you will block off a couple of hours once or twice a month for Me Time, you will feel rejuvenated and reinvigorated. 

Here are some wonderful activities and pursuits to consider for your periodic Me Time blocks:

·         Commune with nature. Walk on a beach. Hike in the woods or forest. Stroll through a public park, feed the birds and enjoy your own tasty snack.

·         Treat yourself to a spa treatment, massage or Reiki session.

·         Go to a game, concert, play, or movie by yourself, or with a friend or family member you haven't seen in awhile.

·         Eat outside. Tip: many hotels have snack bars and cafes at their outdoor pools. Or, if you live near the ocean, try one of the outdoor restaurants at any of the resorts overlooking the water. Breakfast overlooking the beach can be quite the personal treat!

·         Visit a museum, science center or historical building. This can be an enjoyable way to spend a couple of hours, especially if you are traveling alone on business. And it certainly beats sitting in your hotel room reading email.

·         Plan your next vacation by visiting travel agencies and tourism promotion offices. Grab a few brochures, find an enjoyable spot for a relaxing cup of coffee, and draft out your own itinerary.

How can you find the time to do these things? Well, for one, eliminate as many of these time wasters and energy destroyers as you can:

·         Watching the news or ESPN Sports Center every night (with the constant repetition of major stories you won't miss much information if you skip these shows twice a week).

·         Reading the daily newspaper or watching the morning news each and every day (again you won't miss any major stories if you skip this activity twice a week).

·         Mindlessly watching television in the hopes that doing so will re-energize your tired body (it won't, but a brisk 15-20 minute walk will).

·         Likewise mindlessly surfing the Internet in the hopes of finding something interesting to occupy your already overloaded mind.

·         Worrying about possible negative consequences of something that has not occurred and may not actually happen.

·         Spending time consciously regretting the past or worrying about the future.

·         Over-analyzing data and options before making a decision.

·         Gossiping about others.

·         Spending time with negative people who drain your own energy reserves.

·         Playing electronic games on your smart phone, tablet or computer.

Just putting an end to a few of these activities will easily reward you with four to five hours of extra time a month that you think you do not currently have.

Lastly, a tip of huge importance. You must put Me Time onto your calendar and do your best not to let anything cause you to cancel this commitment to yourself. It is best to schedule these sessions 4-5 days ahead of time. The anticipation will build inside you as your appointment with yourself nears. 

Also, to help get you motivated, we have hundreds of motivational quotes in our book Project You: Words of Wisdom. It is available at Amazon in paperback ($6.45) and Kindle ($3.88) formats.

Please give Me Time a try. We would love to hear about your experiences with Me Time. Let us know in the comment box below. 

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is also available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Recovering From Tragedy

Let Tragic Events Spur Positive Outcomes 

At the upper end of the loss scale are the big major tragedies that occasionally hit us or someone we know closely.

While the steps above will help get you through the worst of these, there may be some other tactics worthwhile employing that are a bit harder and require more effort, including: 

• Accepting your loss or situation and simply letting go of whatever you once had. In extreme circumstances this may require the same purposeful memory suppression techniques discussed in the previous blog post More Thoughts On Handling Grief and Loss.
• Leverage the duality of change. Every ending or loss is the start of a new beginning, provided you force yourself to see it that way. It may not be the fresh start you had planned or anticipated, but it is the one presented to you. It is up to you to decide what to do with this blank slate. 
• Set boundaries and time limits for your grieving. This may sound cold and calculating, but it is the best way to ensure that your grieving process does not devastate other aspects of your life. You do not need "time to heal" as much as you need to be getting on with your life. 
• Focus relentlessly on the fact that not only is healing possible, it is probable. Unless you stubbornly refuse to allow yourself to move on (in which case someone should seek professional intervention for you), you will heal. Nature provides this outlet for you, but it is up to you to determine how long it will take you to open the door to healing. Knowing that the door is there precedes taking the first step. 
• Accept and embrace the changes that a major loss brings. No matter how devastating the loss, you can turn the resulting changes into something positive: a new direction for your life, a new vision of your life's purpose, finding a new soul mater, or even coming to a fuller and more complete understanding of yourself. 

There is no single, solitary path for coping with a major loss or a tragedy. However, you probably know someone, or heard about someone, who has fully recovered from a tragic event by embracing the fresh start the event provided. Examples include:

·         Divorcees who start dating, develop new relationships and wind up with a more suitable spouse.

·         Parents who adopt after losing a child, providing comfort and a home to a child in need.

·         People who re-build destroyed homes that are more environmentally friendly and require less fossil fuel for heating or cooling.

·         Those who start new business ventures after an existing one collapses.  

·         People who fund major medical research or start support groups after a family member falls victim to a critical illness or disease.

In each example a tragic event spurred a positive outcome. 

And that should be the goal for everyone who has the unfortunate experience of a tragedy in their life. 

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is also available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

More Thoughts On Handling Grief And Loss

How You Manage and Handle Grief Determines How Long It Lasts 

As we wrote in the previous blog on Handling Grief and Loss, loss is intrinsic in life. 

We must learn to accept that it will happen repeatedly throughout our lives. As such,there is no sense in trying to deny or avoid losses. 

The important thing is not to let the natural grief you feel after a significant loss turn into despair, gloom, depression, or hopelessness. You do not so much overcome grief as you learn how to manage and handle it.

The key here is to remember that events have no meaning. Any meaning given to an event (good or bad) is simply the meaning that you give to it. So whether an event is tragic or character building, sad or happy, helpful or restraining is solely dependent upon the meaning that you assign it.

In the previous blog post we provided four methods you can use to handle grief and loss, and continue to live a meaningful life. Here are four more methods: 

1)  Talk about your feelings and emotions, either with trusted family members or professionals. Even the most private person can benefit from discussing an overwhelming loss in the safe and supportive environment of a trained grief counselor. If you don't feel comfortable talking with others, then find time and space away from everyone else and have a meditation session or dialog with your spirit. Your soul can be quite the comforting aide when given the opportunity. 

2)  Avoid alcohol and self medicating yourself. A walk in nature will do you more good than a couple of shots of booze. Realize that you are in a weakened state, and therefore more susceptible to alcohol and drug abuse than normal. 

3)  After an appropriate period of grief, turn your thoughts from what you have lost to positive memories of what you once had. Express gratitude for what you had, and for what you still have. Whenever feelings of grief start to rise, force yourself back into thoughts of gratitude and appreciation. 

4) Refocus on all that is good, positive and right in your world. Refocus on your personal hopes, dreams, goals, and desires. Refocus on the future you want to create and let the past, even the immediate past that resulted in a significant loss for you, slip away as you move back onto your Project You Life Journey path.

Fortunately, feelings of loss and grief are usually temporary and diminish over time. So, even if time does not heal all wounds, it does help to lessen and reduce the painful emotions that come with a significant loss. 

Eventually, we all heal and move on with our lives as best we can; and knowing this in advance can be of comfort to us when we are in the throes of the grieving process.

Lastly, simply knowing that it is foolish and futile to seek a life free of loss, sorrow and grief, you are better positioned to accept loss, sorrow and grief as fundamental elements of life. 

It is said that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and thus the person who anticipates that loss, sorrow and grief will make an appearance in their life is likewise a person who can use loss, sorrow and grief to make herself or himself stronger.

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is also available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Handling Grief and Loss

Personal Grieving is a Process Which You Can Manage and Handle 

Loss is intrinsic in life. Accept that it will repeatedly happen to you throughout your life, in one form or another. There is no sense in trying to deny or avoid losses.

The key thing is not to let the natural grief you feel after a significant loss turn into despair, gloom, depression, or hopelessness. You do not so much overcome grief as you learn how to manage and handle it.

There is no doubt that the debilitating effects of grief, pain and sorrow can be tremendous, especially in the aftermath of a major loss such as:

·         death of a loved one, family member or close friend

·         divorce

·         losing one's job or business

·         ending of a meaningful relationship

·         major illnesses

·         an incapacitating accident

·         major property loss due to accident, storm damage or a natural disaster

·         loss of bodily functions or mental capacity in self or a loved one

The key here is to remember that events have no meaning. Any meaning given to an event (good or bad) is simply the meaning that you give to it. So whether an event is tragic or character building, sad or happy, helpful or restraining is solely dependent upon the meaning that you assign it.

The silver lining in these dark clouds of the human experience is that billions of others before you have suffered big loss grief and survived to live meaningful lives. Which simply means that so can you. 

Here are four methods for doing so is: 

 1) Be prepared to handle disaster or a big loss grief by acknowledging that extremely bad things and losses will be encountered at some point in your life. Acknowledge and fully understand that even the worst imaginable disasters or losses are not likely to kill you. 

2)  Identify you strengths and what fuels your resilience in tough situations. Know in advance how to trigger those internal stores and how to replenish them. 

3) Allow yourself to grieve and embrace the feelings of bereavement. Attempting to repress natural feelings, even for a short period, will often make you feel worse. There is little advantage to be found trying to "tough it out" or "put on a strong face for others" when you are hurting inside. 

4)  Cry if you need to. Crying is a natural body reaction that helps to eliminate the harmful toxins and stress hormones created by grief and sorrow. This applies equally to men as to women. Psychologists and grief counselors will be the first to tell you that crying is a vital aspect of tacking and meeting your grief head-on and speeding up your healing process. 

We will give you four more methods in the next blog post.

Grieving is a process, one that can be shortened and its impact lessened through careful and conscientious management. 

Without proper management, however, excessive grief can cause feelings of "I cannot handle any more" or "I cannot cope with this." When those feelings ring harsh and true, and are not temporary bursts of despair, it is best to seek professional help. 

As we wrote above, the key thing is not to let the natural grief you feel after a significant loss turn into despair, gloom, depression, or hopelessness. You do not so much overcome grief as you learn how to manage and handle it.

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is also available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon.