Recovering From Tragedy

Let Tragic Events Spur Positive Outcomes 

At the upper end of the loss scale are the big major tragedies that occasionally hit us or someone we know closely.

While the steps above will help get you through the worst of these, there may be some other tactics worthwhile employing that are a bit harder and require more effort, including: 

• Accepting your loss or situation and simply letting go of whatever you once had. In extreme circumstances this may require the same purposeful memory suppression techniques discussed in the previous blog post More Thoughts On Handling Grief and Loss.
• Leverage the duality of change. Every ending or loss is the start of a new beginning, provided you force yourself to see it that way. It may not be the fresh start you had planned or anticipated, but it is the one presented to you. It is up to you to decide what to do with this blank slate. 
• Set boundaries and time limits for your grieving. This may sound cold and calculating, but it is the best way to ensure that your grieving process does not devastate other aspects of your life. You do not need "time to heal" as much as you need to be getting on with your life. 
• Focus relentlessly on the fact that not only is healing possible, it is probable. Unless you stubbornly refuse to allow yourself to move on (in which case someone should seek professional intervention for you), you will heal. Nature provides this outlet for you, but it is up to you to determine how long it will take you to open the door to healing. Knowing that the door is there precedes taking the first step. 
• Accept and embrace the changes that a major loss brings. No matter how devastating the loss, you can turn the resulting changes into something positive: a new direction for your life, a new vision of your life's purpose, finding a new soul mater, or even coming to a fuller and more complete understanding of yourself. 

There is no single, solitary path for coping with a major loss or a tragedy. However, you probably know someone, or heard about someone, who has fully recovered from a tragic event by embracing the fresh start the event provided. Examples include:

·         Divorcees who start dating, develop new relationships and wind up with a more suitable spouse.

·         Parents who adopt after losing a child, providing comfort and a home to a child in need.

·         People who re-build destroyed homes that are more environmentally friendly and require less fossil fuel for heating or cooling.

·         Those who start new business ventures after an existing one collapses.  

·         People who fund major medical research or start support groups after a family member falls victim to a critical illness or disease.

In each example a tragic event spurred a positive outcome. 

And that should be the goal for everyone who has the unfortunate experience of a tragedy in their life. 

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is also available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

More Thoughts On Handling Grief And Loss

How You Manage and Handle Grief Determines How Long It Lasts 

As we wrote in the previous blog on Handling Grief and Loss, loss is intrinsic in life. 

We must learn to accept that it will happen repeatedly throughout our lives. As such,there is no sense in trying to deny or avoid losses. 

The important thing is not to let the natural grief you feel after a significant loss turn into despair, gloom, depression, or hopelessness. You do not so much overcome grief as you learn how to manage and handle it.

The key here is to remember that events have no meaning. Any meaning given to an event (good or bad) is simply the meaning that you give to it. So whether an event is tragic or character building, sad or happy, helpful or restraining is solely dependent upon the meaning that you assign it.

In the previous blog post we provided four methods you can use to handle grief and loss, and continue to live a meaningful life. Here are four more methods: 

1)  Talk about your feelings and emotions, either with trusted family members or professionals. Even the most private person can benefit from discussing an overwhelming loss in the safe and supportive environment of a trained grief counselor. If you don't feel comfortable talking with others, then find time and space away from everyone else and have a meditation session or dialog with your spirit. Your soul can be quite the comforting aide when given the opportunity. 

2)  Avoid alcohol and self medicating yourself. A walk in nature will do you more good than a couple of shots of booze. Realize that you are in a weakened state, and therefore more susceptible to alcohol and drug abuse than normal. 

3)  After an appropriate period of grief, turn your thoughts from what you have lost to positive memories of what you once had. Express gratitude for what you had, and for what you still have. Whenever feelings of grief start to rise, force yourself back into thoughts of gratitude and appreciation. 

4) Refocus on all that is good, positive and right in your world. Refocus on your personal hopes, dreams, goals, and desires. Refocus on the future you want to create and let the past, even the immediate past that resulted in a significant loss for you, slip away as you move back onto your Project You Life Journey path.

Fortunately, feelings of loss and grief are usually temporary and diminish over time. So, even if time does not heal all wounds, it does help to lessen and reduce the painful emotions that come with a significant loss. 

Eventually, we all heal and move on with our lives as best we can; and knowing this in advance can be of comfort to us when we are in the throes of the grieving process.

Lastly, simply knowing that it is foolish and futile to seek a life free of loss, sorrow and grief, you are better positioned to accept loss, sorrow and grief as fundamental elements of life. 

It is said that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and thus the person who anticipates that loss, sorrow and grief will make an appearance in their life is likewise a person who can use loss, sorrow and grief to make herself or himself stronger.

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is also available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Handling Grief and Loss

Personal Grieving is a Process Which You Can Manage and Handle 

Loss is intrinsic in life. Accept that it will repeatedly happen to you throughout your life, in one form or another. There is no sense in trying to deny or avoid losses.

The key thing is not to let the natural grief you feel after a significant loss turn into despair, gloom, depression, or hopelessness. You do not so much overcome grief as you learn how to manage and handle it.

There is no doubt that the debilitating effects of grief, pain and sorrow can be tremendous, especially in the aftermath of a major loss such as:

·         death of a loved one, family member or close friend

·         divorce

·         losing one's job or business

·         ending of a meaningful relationship

·         major illnesses

·         an incapacitating accident

·         major property loss due to accident, storm damage or a natural disaster

·         loss of bodily functions or mental capacity in self or a loved one

The key here is to remember that events have no meaning. Any meaning given to an event (good or bad) is simply the meaning that you give to it. So whether an event is tragic or character building, sad or happy, helpful or restraining is solely dependent upon the meaning that you assign it.

The silver lining in these dark clouds of the human experience is that billions of others before you have suffered big loss grief and survived to live meaningful lives. Which simply means that so can you. 

Here are four methods for doing so is: 

 1) Be prepared to handle disaster or a big loss grief by acknowledging that extremely bad things and losses will be encountered at some point in your life. Acknowledge and fully understand that even the worst imaginable disasters or losses are not likely to kill you. 

2)  Identify you strengths and what fuels your resilience in tough situations. Know in advance how to trigger those internal stores and how to replenish them. 

3) Allow yourself to grieve and embrace the feelings of bereavement. Attempting to repress natural feelings, even for a short period, will often make you feel worse. There is little advantage to be found trying to "tough it out" or "put on a strong face for others" when you are hurting inside. 

4)  Cry if you need to. Crying is a natural body reaction that helps to eliminate the harmful toxins and stress hormones created by grief and sorrow. This applies equally to men as to women. Psychologists and grief counselors will be the first to tell you that crying is a vital aspect of tacking and meeting your grief head-on and speeding up your healing process. 

We will give you four more methods in the next blog post.

Grieving is a process, one that can be shortened and its impact lessened through careful and conscientious management. 

Without proper management, however, excessive grief can cause feelings of "I cannot handle any more" or "I cannot cope with this." When those feelings ring harsh and true, and are not temporary bursts of despair, it is best to seek professional help. 

As we wrote above, the key thing is not to let the natural grief you feel after a significant loss turn into despair, gloom, depression, or hopelessness. You do not so much overcome grief as you learn how to manage and handle it.

This article is partially excerpted from our top-ranked personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is also available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon.