Self Understanding and Authenticity

Becoming Authentic Through Self Understanding 

Self understanding will help you become authentic and remain authentic in the large majority of your actions. And you want to be authentic. According to Dr. David Simon, co-founder of the Chopra Center:

Authenticity is an alignment between your beliefs, your desires and your choices in the world.

Desires change throughout the course of a life, but agreement between ideals, aspirations and deeds is key to a life of peace, happiness and success. When you act in ways unlikely to fulfill your genuine desires, you experience the inner friction of a life out of alignment.

Desires that are in alignment with core beliefs generate powerful actions. Like a wave that draws from the depths of the ocean, actions connected to your authentic self are more likely to manifest your intentions.

In his book The Ten Commitments, Dr. Simon goes on to explain:

Choices that are in alignment with what we know, feel and believe to be true generate a natural sense of ease and confidence. When we allow distractions to intervene between our core values and the choices we make in the world, our energy is depleted. These distractions become false idols that block access to the divine.

The two underlining principles of Dr. Simon's thinking on authenticity are straight-forward:

Being authentic means assuming the responsibility for writing the story of your life.

Committing to authenticity means taking responsibility for what you choose to do and what you choose not to do.

Chapter two of his book The Ten Commitments is devoted to the concept of "A Commitment to Authenticity" and is well worth reading. Dr.Simon's book The Ten Commitments: Translating Good Intentions into Great Choices is available at Amazon. 

What are you doing to find your own authenticity? 

Taking time for self reflection and developing a deeper sense of your own self understanding is a great way to develop greater authenticity. 

Another way is to follow the Project You Life Rules, which on found on the Project You website. 

After all, it's time to start living the life you imagined.



This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life which is available in paperback and Kindle eBook formats at Amazon. 

Self Understanding (Part Two)

Self Understanding Is More Than Self Help

For years self-proclaimed gurus, personalities and self-help industry leaders have been trying to encourage people to change their minds and mental mindsets through "attitude adjustments" and "positive thinking." 

The foundation the self-help movement in the latter years of the 20th Century were these words from the 19th Century American psychologist William James: "The most important discovery of my generation is people can change their lives by changing their minds."

The past three decades have seen a litany of self-help books, tapes, videos, CDs, DVDs, webinars, and live programs produced. In fact, the entire self-help industry went from start-up phase to maturity in less than 40 years. 

Unfortunately, the majority of them failed to educate their followers that you first must have a firm understanding of yourself before implementing their programs and advice, so that your mind and your spirit are not in continual conflict.

This is because the journey of self awareness and self understanding is a difficult and long one. As Miguel de Cervantes wrote, "Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world."

The various writers, speakers and products of the self-help industry all have one theme in common ── every person can take responsibility for changing and building their lives. That's a great start, but what most of the strategies and ideas proffered have lacked has been guidance in helping practitioners and readers come to grips with their true inner selves.

These self help programs have been great at helping people improve their self images, build stronger egos, identify ways to motivate themselves, and design strategies for personal goal attainment. But what they usually did not provide were tools and strategies for developing a better rapport with, and deeper understanding of, one's spiritual self. 

As Dr. David Simon, co-founder of the Chopra Center, wrote, "The self-image or ego is what we hold to be true about ourselves and what we want others to believe about us. Most people believe they are their self-image and, therefore, diligently strive to protect it. In defense of our image, we imprison our spirit."  

As we wrote in the previous post on self understanding: self understanding enables you to plumb the depths of your own inner spirit, and to seek out amazing discoveries about yourself.

It is worth quoting the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu again: "He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise."  

This weekend provides an ideal time for some self reflection and contemplation. Spend some time getting to know yourself better. As Lao-Tzu points out, doing so will make you a wiser person come Monday.

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life which is available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon.

 

Self Understanding (Part One)

Self awareness is like putting your foot into a lake to see how cold the water is. 

Self understanding is diving into the lake to see how deep it is.

The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu placed great emphasis on self understanding. He wrote, "He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise."

Self understanding enables you to plumb the depths of your own inner spirit, and to seek out amazing discoveries about yourself. You will likely learn a lot more than you bargained for, including lessons about life, spirituality, other people, love, faith, and many other topics.

Paul Coelho wrote, "The more you understand yourself, the more you will understand the world." And centuries earlier, Aristotle told his followers, "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." 

It is extremely sad that more people do not understand the linkages between self understanding and universal wisdom. Please do not let you be one of these people.

The past three decades have seen a litany of self-help books, tapes, videos, CDs, DVDs, webinars, and live programs produced. In fact, the entire self-help industry went from start-up phase to maturity in less than 40 years. 

The foundation the self-help movement in the latter years of the 20th Century were these words from the 19th Century American psychologist William James: "The most important discovery of my generation is people can change their lives by changing their minds."  

What are you doing today to change your perspectives, your thoughts?

What are you doing today to increase your own personal self understanding? 

Please share your thoughts or actions in the comments box below.

The next 3-4 Project You Life blog posts will delve deeper into the topic of Self Understanding. We look forward to your active contribution and participation in discussing this important subject. 

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life which is available in paperback and Kindle formats from Amazon. 

Self Awareness and Success

We define self awareness as "a heightened sense of continuous attention to one's feelings, emotions and thoughts." 

While success does not automatically emanate from self awareness, those who have achieved greatness in any area of life tend to have a deep sense of self awareness. 

On the other hand, perhaps greatness can be born through a highly elevated sense of self awareness. As Carl Jung wrote, "Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."

Of course, self awareness is only one pillar creating the foundation for personal and professional success. In the words of Lord Tennyson, "Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control ── these three alone lead to sovereign power."

Additionally, whatever emotional state you are in will dictate your behavior. This can be both a positive and a negative thing, depending on your emotional state.

By being aware of your emotional state you an opportunity to control this state. In doing so, you prevent yourself from just having to accept and take whatever the world dishes out to you. You control how events and people impact you, simply by controlling how you feel and think about these events and people.

Here's what two people from opposite ends of the literary spectrum have said on this subject:

Nothing has any power over me other than that which I give it through my conscious thoughts.  Anthony Robbins

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. William Shakespeare

Your emotional and social states are closely tied together, for the emotional side of your life will be primarily (though not exclusively) created, developed and troubled by your relationships with others.

An inability to notice true feelings as they are occrriung leaves you at their mercy. There is a crucial difference between being caught up in a feeling and being aware that a feeling is about to sweep you away through what Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, aptly calls "an emotional hijacking."

As Goleman points out, emotional self-control, such as delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness, often leads to greater success and outcomes.

Self observation and continuous attention to your feelings, emotions and thoughts are crucial aspects of your personal self-development journey. Through these observations you will identify your core strengths, areas for improvement and techniques for greater self control.

George Gurdjieff, an author and spiritual teacher of the early 20th Century, wrote, "Self-observation brings man to the realization of the necessity of self-change. And in observing himself a man notices that self-observation itself brings about certain changes in his inner processes. He begins to understand that self-observation is an instrument of self-change, a means of awakening."

When you awaken to your true self, you not only change your destiny, you grab control of it with two hands firmly on the steering wheel of your life. Your dreams become your reality. Your choices will be based on meeting your most important needs, leading to what psychologist Abraham Maslow described as "self actualization."

"A man must be obedient to the promptings of his innermost heart," wrote Roberston Davies, one of Canada's most distinguished men of letters. The first step, of course, is to have a clear awareness of what reverberates in your innermost heart.

As Maslow wrote, "A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself."

Do what makes you happy and that which sparks the passion within, and then you will be at peace with yourself.

Or, as George Bernard Shaw said, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." That philosophy is at the heart of the Project You Life Journey and Living A Determined Life.

It all starts with self awareness. As Maslow stated, "What is necessary to change a person is to change their awareness of themselves."

There are four parts to you ── your mind, your body, your heart, and your soul.

It is easy to be aware of your body and your bodily functions. You spend all your conscious hours, and even some hours of sleep, listening to your mind chattering away.

The hardest task, and the most revealing one despite the monumental effort required, is to be fully aware of your emotions and your spirit, for these form that inner self at the core of your personal universe.

By rising to this challenge, a more meaningful life awaits.

The Dark Side of Self Awareness

Usually when people write about self awareness (us included), everything comes across as positive and good. There is, however, a dark side to self awareness of which it is important to be aware. 

This flip side to the coin of self awareness is that none of us is perfect, or even close to being perfect. This means that practicing self awareness will reveal to us the numerous blemishes, inconsistencies, incongruities, and harmful tendencies that are an inherent part of the composition of our sentient beings.

Unfortunately, as M. Basil Pennington, the Trappist monk and priest who wrote over 60 books in the latter half of the 20th Century, penned, "In seeing ourselves as we truly are, not all that we see is beautiful and attractive. This is undoubtedly part of the reason we flee silence. We do not want to be confronted with our hypocrisy, our phoniness. We see how false and fragile is the false self we project. We have to go through this painful experience to come to our true self."

Remember, when you see the dark side of yourself, it is like looking at the dark side of The Force as depicted in the Star Wars series. Being aware of your dark side ── your human weaknesses and all other negative aspects of your character ── is the preliminary step in being able to control and overcome these.

Of course, overcoming any personal weakness is a particularly gratifying and satisfying feeling; one of the greatest sources of self esteem you will encounter. Aristotle obviously got it right when he wrote: "I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."

Those who do not win the battle with themselves become lost souls, empty of the self knowledge and understanding, and thus the passions, that make life worth living.

Additionally, being aware of your faults, flaws and weaknesses is also the first step in changing or modifying these. It's your choice ── you can either control these, or be controlled by them.

Likewise, you can continue to exhibit your faults and flaws, and suffer the consequences, or you can take action to change.

As Jim Rohn said, "Unless you change how you are, you will always have what you've got."

Rohn also gave this good advice: "You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of." 

This article is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in both paperback and eBook formats at Amazon.com. 

Your Conscience and Self Awareness

Your conscience plays a key role in your quest for self awareness. Some might equate the conscience to one's self awareness, but in fact they are two separate aspects of the inner self.

Self awareness is being conscious of your feelings, emotions and thoughts; whereas your conscience evaluates your feelings, emotions and thoughts and assigns judgmental scores or values to them.

For example, you may want to cry about something that has happened. Your self-awareness abilities will help you identify all the emotions, thoughts and feelings that are combining to cause the tears that are about to burst forth (a physical response to your mental, emotional and spiritual components). Your conscience, on the other hand, will judgmentally tell you whether crying in this instance is right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate, if the crying should take place in public or privately, and the "correct" length of time allowed for the shedding of your tears.

In many ways, strong self awareness (and strong self understanding) requires an ability to keep one's conscience in check so that your true feelings, emotions and thoughts are allowed to surface unhindered. After all, if you want to cry, go ahead and cry. Why should your conscience prevent you from experiencing an innermost feeling? In fact, such inhibitions may be detrimental to the full development of your spirit (i.e. the real you).

Stephen R. Covey, the legendary author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, wrote in his later work First Things First, "One of the most powerful uses of self-awareness is to become aware of conscience and how it works within us."

As the Polish proverb goes, "Conscience is the voice of the soul." And in most cases you will want to listen to that voice.

But your conscience is, unfortunately, also formed by the lessons taught to you by your parents, teachers, societal rules, and the cultural customs, norms and practices in which you were raised.

As a result, your true conscience (that true voice of your soul) will at times be in conflict with the one shaped and formed by these other outside influences. This is when you know (instinctively and deep down) that something is not right, but that you cannot prevent or change it.

The more in tune you are with your inner self, and the closer you are to being driven by self actualization (refer to Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs), the less likely you are to compromise your principles or trample on your values.

Shame, one of the worst personal feelings one can have, arises from the fear or realization that one's actions have not been in accordance with one's true inner self. Do not be afraid to not live up to the expectations (or rules) of others. The rules and expectations of others are unlikely to power your dreams and desires. Instead, be afraid of failing to live up to your own expectations and to your own principles, values, morals, rules, and ethics.

Here are two quotes from Marcus Aurelius, the 2nd Century Roman Emperor, that reinforce these last two points:

You can change your beliefs so they empower your dreams and desires. Create a strong belief in yourself and what you want.

He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe.

 

This article is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in both paperback and eBook formats at Amazon.com.

Self Awareness

Self awareness is not about looking deeply within your internal chamber of secrets and hidden motivations trying to discover "your true self." It's quite the opposite, when done properly.

It should be an open, honest, candid, and on-going self observation of what drives you to take the actions you take, to think the thoughts you think and to feel the emotions that bubble up inside you.

Confucius described the process as: "By three methods we learn wisdom: first by reflection, which is noblest; second by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest."

People with high levels of self awareness have a clear and definite grasp of their own strengths and weaknesses, as well as an elevated sensitivity to observe what motivates, de-motivates, satisfies, delights, annoys, and angers them.

With a solid sense of self awareness, you multiply your predisposition to go after the opportunities that are right for you (by leveraging your strengths, values and inner motivational tactics) and minimize your chances of pursuing activities that are likely to have unsatisfying or potentially harmful results.

There are four parts to the self:  mind, body, heart, and soul (alternatively referred to as mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual).

Your mind never stops racing; never stops talking to you. There are times, of course, when a quiet mind would be an absolute blessing. Unfortunately, unless you excel at meditation this is not to be.

The mind and spirit are in constant battle for your body (and hence for what you probably think of as yourself). The mind tries to "talk" you into doing things with what appear to be "rational arguments." The spirit counteracts with "gut feelings" or emotional outbursts in an attempt to get its way. Neither is always right or wrong.

When you can see yourself as if watching a reality movie of yourself (i.e. not in a dream, but as if removed from your body), this is the perspective of the spirit. As Sri Ramana Maharshi said, "The mind turned inwards is the Self; turned outwards it becomes the ego and all the world."

Very few people seem to pause and consider who they truly are, or could be. Most seem too concerned with projecting a picture of themselves to the world around them, and then working hard to maintain this concocted (and sometimes contrived) image.

Years ago St. Augustine wrote, "People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering." This is undoubtedly more true today than it was in his time some 16 centuries ago. And if it is true for you, it need not be any longer. The Project You Life Journey will help you to stop passing yourself by. 

This article is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life.