Let's Make 2015 The Year of Respect

Having Disrespect For Others Is Akin To Having Disrespect For Yourself

In our previous blog post on respect, Treating People As Rare and Valuable Human Beings, we closed by saying:

Perhaps that is what the true essence of respect is all about ── treating people as if they were what they ought to be (instead of how you might be currently perceiving them).

Here's some more advice on respect, which is excerpted from a booklet called Lessons From Sports by college football coach Todd Dodge:

Respect your opponent.

Never get full of yourself, or you may get ambushed.

Don't ever think you have arrived. Don't be intimidated, but do give respect to your opponent.

You have to pay your dues and prove yourself before being promoted.

Be the perfect gentleman off the field and the ultimate competitor on the field.

Be grateful for what you have and for the support of those around you.

The importance of respect, and showing respect to others, cannot be overstated as a key ingredient of a Project You Life Journey. In our interconnected universe, having disrespect for others is akin to having disrespect for all, including ourselves.

A goal for everyone in 2015 should be to raise the level of respect in our daily lives. This means exhibiting respect to others, and even stepping in when we witness incidents of disrespect, either in the workplace or in our personal lives.  

Let’s each make 2015 the Year of Respect. 

Please share with us below your ideas on how to bring higher levels of respect back into our daily lives. 

Please share with us below your ideas on how to bring higher levels of respect back into our daily lives. - See more at: http://projectyoulifeblog.blogspot.com/#sthash.9kzj4q6G.dpuf

Please share with us below your ideas on how to bring higher levels of respect back into our daily lives. - See more at: http://projectyoulifeblog.blogspot.com/#sthash.9kzj4q6G.dpuf

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and eBook formats at Amazon.

Please share with us below your ideas on how to bring higher levels of respect back into our daily lives. - See more at: http://projectyoulifeblog.blogspot.com/#sthash.9kzj4q6G.dpuf

Respect: Treating People As Rare and Valuable Human Beings

Treating People As They Ought To Be

Fred Rogers, who had a famous television show in America called Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, had an interesting, almost altruistic, attitude about respect, one that very few people today would practice or preach:

As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has ─ or ever will have ─ something inside that is unique all the time. It's our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.

 In a similar vein, Lee Atwater, a political consultant and presidential advisor, proclaimed, "There is nothing more important in life than human beings, nothing sweeter than the human touch."

If Atwater's thoughts are anywhere near close to truth, then we all need to show greater respect to each of our fellow human beings. And there's probably no better time to begin than the present.

The ability to forgive is a core component of respect, for the art of forgiveness is an explicit display of respecting another person's universal strengths and human weaknesses.

Some very good advice comes courtesy of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, a German writer from the early 19th century: "Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of becoming."

Perhaps that is what the true essence of respect is all about ── treating people as if they were what they ought to be (instead of how you might be currently perceiving them).

And in doing so, we help them discover their uniqueness and help them provide ways of developing and expressing their uniqueness.

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in eBook and paperback at Amazon.

Time To Bring Back Respect Into Our Daily Lives

Respect Means Treating Each Other As Human Beings

The overall level of respect across all aspects of society seems to have deteriorated in recent years.

Evidence of this includes the profane language that permeates today's music, films and television shows; as well as the plethora of self-interest actions and abuses of power by persons of authority, politicians and business leaders.

While this has yet to reach a crescendo, there is little doubt of the escalation of disrespect being exhibited today. As Gail Pursell Elliott, who is known as The Dignity and Respect Lady wrote, "As a society, we have come to a point where people too often treat one another as objects and opportunities, rather than as fellow human beings. Respecting one another as individuals, or not doing so, seriously impacts the future of all of us."

Having respect for other cultures and other people is extremely important as today's world becomes more interconnected and all of us are more frequently exposed to opportunities to interact with people from other cultures and backgrounds. One has to be careful, however, not to fall into the trap of ethnocentricity, which basically means believing that the values, beliefs and rules of one's own culture are the only valid ones or are automatically superior to all others.

Not only is such a belief system wrong and highly misleading, it also results in a very limited mindset that prevents you from learning from others. Once you begin to explore the world and other cultures, you will quickly learn that other societies, people and cultures have values, beliefs, rules, and protocols that are no better or worse than your own ── just different.

It is important that you respect these different values, beliefs, rules, and protocols, especially when you are in their cultural environment. Doing so will make you feel comfortable and at home everywhere across this magnificent planet. 

Please share with us below your ideas on how to bring higher levels of respect back into our daily lives. 

This article is excerpted from our book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in eBook and paperback formats. 

Be True To Your Values

Principles and Values Require 100% Commitment and Dedication

One of the most important things about principles is to understand that you cannot impose your values on others.

For instance, suppose you place a high value on punctuality, but your partner does not. Any efforts you make to impose your value of punctuality on your partner will undoubtedly lead to numerous spats followed by many moments of anguish and despair.

When you make judgments of others based on your principles, friction ensues.

One aspect of emotional maturity is the ability to leverage your values with courage in your decisions and actions, combined with the ability to do so in consideration of the feelings and convictions of others.

Another aspect of emotional maturity is the ability to understand how the values of others form a foundation for their own decisions and actions, even when these are not acceptable to you or are in direct opposition to your own views and convictions.

When you are emotionally mature you can have a great deal of ego strength, while maintaining respect and empathy for others.

Your principles require 100% commitment and dedication. They are not something to be pulled out of your wallet or purse and used to pay for your experiences in life like some kind of values credit card.

Be unflinching in your commitment to your principles. As Denis Waitley has written, "Moderation in temper is always a virtue. Moderation in principle is always a vice."

And lastly, by all means stick to your principles through hardships, turmoil, disappointments, heartaches, and in those moments when it seems like life would be easier if you just made a little compromise here or there. When it comes to your principles, there is no such thing as a "little" compromise.

In the words of Thomas Jefferson, "In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock."

One of the best ways to live a Project You Life will be, to paraphrase Shakespeare's famous line, to thine own values be true. 

This article is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback and eBook formats. 

Knowing and Understanding Your Principles

Your Inner Spirit Will Guide You

No one can teach you which principles to inculcate within yourself, for the simple reason that what works for some may not work for you. Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everybody else is absolutely unique.

There is no magic formula for always living up to your personal values, though this advice from philanthropist W. Clement Stone comes close:

Have the courage to say no.

Have the courage to face the truth.

Do the right thing because it is right.

These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.

The importance of knowing and understanding your principles cannot be over emphasized. As William F. Scolavino said, "The height of your accomplishments will equal the depth of your convictions."

Your inner spirit, usually speaking to you via your conscience, will always have a full understanding of your true principles. Listen and obey your conscience. It speaks to you through an inner voice telling you things that we often refer to as hunches or gut feelings. 

Trust your hunches and gut feelings, for these are based on facts, principles and values that are coded and ingrained at your unconscious, spiritual level.

In other words: trust yourself. 

This article is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and eBook formats at Amazon.

Principles are the Foundation for a Meaningful and Worthwhile Life

Consciously Live According To Your Values and Principles

Values form your principles.

For instance, having a core value for integrity results in a principle never to tell a lie or hide the whole truth from someone.

Like values, principles should be put into a hierarchical structure, as at times two or more of your principles may be in conflict. It is important that you organize your principles by priority, based on which is most important to you.

For example, how would you handle a situation where a friend or colleague is about to drive off from a party in an inebriated state? He says he's fine to drive, but you think he should not be driving.

Does your principle of not interfering in other people's personal decisions overrule your principle of believing that drunk driving is wrong? Or vice versa? Will you be willing to risk the friendship or workplace relationship to prevent a possible tragedy?

If you respond with "it depends on who the person is" or "it depends on how high he appears to be," you are taking a situational approach and not a principled one.

If you decide that you place a higher value on not interfering in someone's personal decisions over the principle that drunk driving is wrong, then that is your hierarchical ranking for these two principles.

Your individual principles need to be formed around the great values of life, things like truth, love, the sanctity of life, integrity, being a person of your word, justice, fairness, friendship, spirituality, etc.

Despite the current trend of modern humanity to focus on happiness and pleasure as the cornerstones of life, do not think that matters of principle are old fashioned or past their use-by date. They are not and deep down they never will be.

A person who has principles and displays these will be respected and liked by the people most important in their life. More important, such a person will be respected and liked by himself or herself as well.

The bottom line is simple: principles are the foundation for a meaningful and worthwhile life.

No one can teach you which principles to inculcate within yourself, for the simple reason that what works for some may not work for you. Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everybody else is absolutely unique.

This also means that you are responsible for living a principle-centered life. You, and only you, know how to consciously live according to your values and principles.

Thus, always keep asking yourself: “what am I doing to ensure that I am consciously living according to my values and principles?”

Have Principles Based on Core Personal Values

Consciously Live According To Your Values and Principles

Personal Values define your character and are critical keys to Living A Determined Life.

As we wrote previously on Living Up To Personal Values, the actions and decisions of people who are in tune with their core personal values usually fall within their own comfort zones, mostly because of the alignment of their actions and decisions with their personal values.

This is why those who are in close touch with their own personal values tend not to have major catastrophes and calamities in their lives, at least not until they engage in actions or activities that are not congruent with their personal values.

A core aspect of your personal values are your principles. Principles are the foundation for a meaningful and worthwhile life.

A person who has principles and displays these will be respected and liked by the people most important in their life. More important, such a person will be respected and liked by himself or herself as well.

There will be times in your life when you are called upon to stand up for your principles, especially if you have principles based on your core personal values.

These moments need not be major, life-defining incidents. Rather, they often crop up during mundane day-to-day activities. When you take action in accordance with your principles, often called living up to your principles, the glow of self satisfaction can be immense and is reward enough in itself.

However, when you do not act in harmony with your principles, a little piece of you dies inside and your soul becomes uncomfortable and agitated.

A lot of the literature we read and the stories we hear while growing up feature characters struggling or learning to formulate their principles and act accordingly. One common lesson in most of these stories is that principles are not situational, something many people forget when becoming adults and entering "the real world."

Principles are the rocks upon which your decisions for action should be made. Your principles help ensure that you live up to your personal values, and thus need to be solidly entrenched in your psyche and persona. As Edward R. Lyman wrote:

Principle ─ particularly moral principle ─ can never be a weathervane, spinning around this way and that with the shifting winds of expediency. Moral principle is a compass forever fixed and forever true.

Today is a good day to pause and reflect upon your principles. How would you list and define your principles? How do you want to live in tune with these in the coming year? How can you use these to make better decisions in your personal and professional life?

And most important: how are you ensuring that you consciously live according to your values and principles? 

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in eBook and paperback at Amazon.

8 More Ways To Add Kindness To Your Personal Values

Making Kindness One of Your Personal Attributes 

The majority of us undoubtedly think of ourselves as being kind. Yet even in the current holiday season, where the spirit of kindness blossoms, we observe grumpy people, rude shoppers and sales clerks, discourteous drivers, bad manners, boorish behavior, disrespectful actions, and offensive arguments. Unfortunately, sometimes we observe such behavior and actions in ourselves. 

Kindness is more than just gift wrapping presents and putting them under a tree or handing them to someone. Kindness is a behavior pattern that treats all others with dignity, respect, gracefulness, sympathy, thoughtfulness, and compassion. With that in mind, here are eight more easy to add kindness to your personal values so that you can continuously bring kindness into the lives of others:

·         React to rudeness with compassion. No sense throwing oil on a raging fire and making a bad situation worse. We all have moments of emotional meltdowns, so help those in emotional pain with calm and soothing words of comfort rather than your own angry words of confrontation.

·         Be generous to those who look like they need it, by letting the person who seems in a rush to go ahead of you at the check-out line or by giving up your seat on public transportation to someone  who looks tired and worn out.

·         Truly mean the words "please" and "thank you" when you say them, and be sure to smile and look the other person in the eyes so that they sense your sincerity and genuineness.

·         Constantly be generous with your praise of others. It's amazing how far a bit of praise goes in creating energy, passion and enthusiasm in others.

·         Greatly reduce your criticisms and complaints about others, particularly behind their backs. The old rule about "if you cannot say anything good about someone, don't say anything at all" is sage advice.

·         Remind yourself of your previous acts of kindness, which is sure to bring a slight smile to your face. Such positive memories are a good way to spark new ideas on how you can continue to exhibit kindness to others.

·         Be grateful for the good things and people that come your way, and remind yourself that every act of kindness you generate produces feelings of gratitude and appreciation in others.

·         Remember that small acts of kindness count large, especially to the recipients. So give help to the person struggling with their onboard luggage, help the elderly or infirm cross the street, ask the stranger looking lost if they need directions. And always share your umbrella with those caught out in the rain without one of their own.

Many of the examples above may appear to be small and of little impact. However, as Aesop wrote, "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."

Or, as Kahlil Gibran put it, "The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention."

In addition to the above, you should also be kinder and gentler with yourself. There is little reward to be found in being overly harsh and too critical with one's self. While the old saying "kindness starts at home" certainly has a ring of truth to it, it is important to remember that authentic kindness starts with one's self.

Do you have other ideas to add to this list? If so, please add your contribution in the comments box below.

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available at Amazon in eBook and paperback.

7 Ways To Add Kindness To Your Personal Values

Making Kindness One of Your Personal Attributes

In our previous blog post, we wrote about kindness being a universal personal value.

Here are seven easy ways to add kindness to your personal values and to bring some additional kindness into the lives of others:

·         Share your knowledge and experiences with others through volunteer talks in schools and your community, or through free content you deliver via the Internet.

·         Donate used books, magazines, clothes, cookware, dishes, pots, and other items you rarely or never use (de-cluttering your home and your life is always a good feeling).

·         Provide assistance, comfort or food to those who need it the most, especially the homeless. Rather than toss unused food, bag it up and drive to an area where the homeless hang out or beg. Whenever you see a homeless or hungry person near a fast food outlet you are about to visit, add one healthy item to your order and hand it to that person as you walk to your car or drive away. The thanks you will receive will be well worth the extra few dollars you spend.

·         Help your neighbors with chores or watching their children so they can have a "date night" or just take some time from their own daily routines.

·         Make way for those who seem to be in a hurry, even if they appear rude or unfriendly. Perhaps they are dealing with a major personal or family issue, or maybe their work has them stressed. No sense in you getting stressed over their behavior. Better to step aside or allow them to rapidly pass you on the road. Who knows, you might actually be doing them a huge favor by letting them hurry on by.

·         Surprise your loved ones with notes of encouragement and appreciation. This works particularly well with pre-teenage children, who just love getting a surprised note of love, praise or encouragement from mom or dad in their packed lunches or hidden in their school books.

·         Actively engage introverts and shy people in small talk whenever you encounter them in hallways, elevators, stores, parties, or other public places. They often have great insights and a lot to say, if only asked and encouraged.  

Tomorrow we’ll give you eight more ideas on how to easily make kindness one of your personal attributes. 

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and eBook formats at Amazon.

It Is Always The Season For Kindness

Kindness Is A Universal Value

Several years ago, a global study headed by Dr. Martin Seligman found six core values across all cultures and races:

Wisdom and Knowledge

Courage

Love and Humanity

Justice

Temperance

Spirituality and Transcendence

While kindness was not one of the universal values identified by Professor Seligman and his group, in many ways it is the universal value that every human being appreciates and is capable of delivering.

As Henry James wrote, "Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind."

Kindness to others takes so little effort, yet it is so rarely displayed, especially to strangers and to the multitudes of people that we "interact" with throughout each day. In fact, the word "interact" does not adequately describe how most people relate to one another. Our "interactions" tend to be gruff expressions of meaningless chatter conveyed to ease the social awkwardness of people being forced to intermingle by the circumstances of their daily existences.

We all too often go through the motions of living and conversing with others without truly thinking about those we interact with and what is their state of mind. Just imagine the impact we could each have if we were able to help others take their minds off their problems, even if only momentarily, simply be interacting and engaging them more fully and more kindly. Not only would we put more smiles on faces, we would all feel personally better for our efforts. Talk about a win-win!

Kindness requires just a tad more effort over the empty and insincere expressions of  "how's it going?" and "what's up?" and the equally non-committal replies of "not much" and "the usual" that permeates so many daily encounters between people. A smile, combined with the sincere interest in another and an oral exchange of an explicit personal nature will make a huge difference in the lives of the other spirits you interact with, as well as in your own life. 

When you see others as spiritual beings resident in a human form, rather than as just other human beings living lives of quiet despair, you will no longer want to keep your daily interactions with others on the periphery of your life. Instead, you will come to realize that extending kindness and truly felt pleasantries to others is one of the core components of authentic happiness. 

Some people are so afraid of being taken advantage of by others that they purposely hide and restrain their desires to be kind. These words from Mother Teresa should allay such concerns:

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

There is always a spirit of kindness in the air as the Christmas Season unfolds. What we need to do is for each of us to find ways to extend this spirit and make kindness a year-long personal attribute.

This article has partially been excerpted from Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in ebook and paperback at Amazon. 

Ensure Your Personal Values Drive Your Decisions

Decisions Based on Personal Values Result in Greater Self Satisfaction and Happiness 

Scientists believe there is a gap, or space, between stimulus and response. What occurs in this space affects your personal development and, eventually, your happiness. If what happens in this gap is molded, shaped and guided by your values, the resultant outcomes will be more in agreement and harmonious with your true self. Naturally, this will lead to greater self satisfaction and happiness.

However, if you permit factors other than your own values to influence your decisions and actions, then the results are less likely to be congruent with who you really are, leading to disappointment, self doubt and dissatisfaction with yourself.

Be forewarned, however, that sometimes your values may lock you into a course of action that is detrimental to you, particularly over the short haul. When this happens, how it impacts you over the longer term will be determined by what you learn from the experience and how you evaluate the final outcome.

Also, sometimes you can experience a problem caused by conflicting values. When this occurs it is useful to have a ranked hierarchy of your values, so that you can utilize the most important one or give greater weight to the most cherished one when deciding what to do. 

Not all personal values are equal, but only you can decide which ones are the most important in your life. As famed science fiction write Isaac Asimov has advised, "Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what is right."

One key to understanding other people is to realize that their values also drive their decisions and actions. You do not necessarily have to agree with their values, or with their actions and decisions. But simply knowing and understanding their values will make it easier for you to comprehend and figure out the basis for their actions and decisions.

This does not mean, however, that you have to share or even accept another person's values, only that understanding these will enable you to better understand their actions and decisions. As the Native American Indian proverb goes, "Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins." 

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life, which is available in eBook and printed formats at Amazon.