Benefits of Forgiveness

Forgiving is not about forgetting, or excusing another's behavior. 

There are enormous personal gains derived from forgiving others, as you will see in chapter two on the benefits of forgiving. The most important payback from forgiveness may have been identified by Dr. David Simon, co-founder of the Chopra Center, “Forgiveness is a prerequisite for inner peace."

Forgiveness requires the right mindset and attitude, an appropriate level of humility, and acknowledgment of the human values of the other person — combined with strong willpower and fortitude based on deep-seated self-understanding.

Forgiveness does not excuse the other person’s behavior or words. Forgiveness does, however, prevent their behavior and words from razing your emotions, flattening your spirit, and destroying your heart.

Forgiving is not necessarily about forgetting. Giving forgiveness to someone does not erase the unpleasant or acrimonious past. However, forgiving does prevent you from being imprisoned by this past. While grievances are not erased or deleted through forgiveness, forgiving enables you to focus on a better future, rather than a bitter one.

Forgiveness also means abdicating and releasing your instinctive and innate feelings of the “right” to retaliate. Human nature is automatically stimulus-response based:  you hurt me and thus I will hurt you back. You cause me pain, so I will cause you pain.

Forgiveness is not pretending what someone did or said was right, acceptable, or even okay. More important, it is also not pretending that you were not hurt or that their actions and words do not matter.

Forgiveness is a release. It is effectively saying, “I am going to let this go. I am not going to let this matter chain me to unwanted emotions and thoughts any longer.” 

You can spend months, even years, thinking you hate someone for their words or actions, when in truth you really just want to let them know how hurt you feel and the pain you feel they have caused you. Of course, they did not cause you the hurt or the pain, this was caused by your reactions to what they said or did. 

You do have a “right” to whatever emotions you wish to carry with you in response to a person or event. You have the “right” to be bitter, hurt, spiteful, angry, resentful, and scores of other emotions and feelings. However, you owe it to yourself to understand how these emotions affect your mental, emotional, and physical health.

Forgiveness is a process. It takes time. The process starts with ourselves. We have to stop and admit that our strung out emotions, thoughts, hurt, and pain were caused by our reactions to someone’s deeds and words, or to an event or situation that happened to us.

It is little wonder that Marianne Williamson says, “The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” 

This article is excerpted from our book Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom. Today (November 21st) is the final day to download this book for free in the Kindle store.

Why Is Forgiveness So Difficult?

Forgiveness is a process. It takes Time. And it starts with us. 

Do you struggle to let go past hurts?

Would you like to be free of the burdens of the past but simply don’t know how to go about it?

Extending forgiveness is one of the hardest things we can do, but it is absolutely essential for our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being and growth.

There is no question that forgiving can be hard. Complete, unconditional forgiveness is harder — sometimes even impossible — to grant.

Many people are afraid to forgive simply because somehow they feel they must remember the wrong, the hurt, and the pain they experienced in order to learn and retain the lessons from these. This is utter nonsense. You can remember the lessons without having to hang on to the wrong done to you or to constantly suffer from recalling the agony you felt at the time and since.

Another thing that makes forgiving difficult is that, for some inexplicable reason, many people find it far easier to forgive others when they are wrong than when they are right. This human inclination, some say it is human nature, makes jumping onto the forgiveness road even more difficult. 

Probably the biggest obstacles to forgiving are the many unconscious false beliefs we have about forgiveness and what forgiving truly means. Deciding how and when to forgive inevitably means uncovering and discrediting these false beliefs ingrained within ourselves.

If you are struggling to forgive, one or more of the following commonly held misconceptions about forgiveness may be holding you back: 

• The other person must ask for forgiveness first before you should grant forgiveness. 
• Complete forgiveness requires or mandates full reconciliation. 
• Forgiveness means granting approval of unacceptable behavior. 
• Forgiveness will help you forget. 

There is no doubt that forgiveness is a highly emotional topic and one that many struggle with. In face, we all struggle with forgiveness at various points during our life journeys.

This is why we published our book Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom. This book provides tips, hints, and motivational quotes on overcoming the main obstacles to forgiveness (such as the misconceptions above). 

And this is why we have made our book is FREE today and tomorrow in the Kindle store: http://amzn.to/2mFG4Y3. It is also available in paperback. 

We want to help make the forthcoming holiday season one of forgiveness and peacefulness. You can help by letting others know to download their free copy of Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom in the Kindle store now.

Forgiveness is a Process

"Forgiveness is a prerequisite for inner peace." 

This quote comes from the late Dr. David Simon, co-founder of the Chopra Center, and it is definitely true. We cannot find inner peace when we carry the baggage of holding grudges, hatred, and venom towards another person within. 

Forgiveness is a process. It takes time. And the process starts with ourselves. 

We have to stop and recognize that our strung out emotions, thoughts, hurt, and paid were caused by our reactions to someone's deeds or words. Or to an event or situation that happened to us.

This process comes with many hurdles and obstacles. Perhaps the biggest obstacles to forgiving are the many unconscious false beliefs we have about forgiveness and what forgiveness means. Deciding how and when to forgive inevitably means uncovering and discrediting these false beliefs ingrained within.

Many people are afraid to forgive simply because somehow they feel they must remember the wrong, the hurts, and the pain they experienced in order to learn and retain the lessons from these. This is utter nonsense. You can remember the lessons without having to hang on to the wrong done to you or to constantly suffer from recalling the agony you felt at the time and since. 

Our book Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom provides tips, hints, and motivational quotes to help overcome the common obstacles to forgiveness and to guide you through the forgiveness process. And it's FREE for the next few days in the Amazon Kindle store: http://amzn.to/2mFG4Y3. 

The ideas, techniques and quotes in Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom will assist you on your own journey to inner peace. 

Practice forgiveness and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness. 

Practice forgiveness and you will increase your ability to love on all fronts. 

Practice forgiveness and you will become a better individual, partner, friend, parent, and even co-worker. 

Practice forgiveness and you will enter the forthcoming holiday season with greater joy, happiness, and spirit.

Please help make this holiday season one of forgiveness and peace by sharing this blog post and news of our free Kindle offer (valid through Tuesday, November 21) with your family, friends, and colleagues. 

May the inner peace of forgiveness be yours. 

Words of Wisdom on Forgiveness

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that thee prisoner was you." 

The above quote from Lewis B. Smedes is so very true.

Many of us are caught within our own inability to forgive, forget, and move on.

Forgiveness is a process. It takes time. And the process starts with ourselves. We have to stop and recognize that our strung out emotions, thoughts, hurt, and pain were caused by our reactions to someone's deeds or words. Or to an event or situation that happened to us.

As we wrote in yesterday's post on Forgiveness Words of Wisdom, forgiving and forgetting is easy to say, but often very hard to do. Especially during the holiday season.

To help you find inner peace through forgiveness during the forthcoming holiday season, we are providing our book Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom for free in Kindle format over the next few days.

Currently ranked in the top 30 books on Amazon in the category of Dysfunctional Relationships and #111 in the category Personal Transformation, Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom will provide you with tips, hints, and motivational quotes to help you overcome the many obstacles to forgiveness and to guide you through the forgiveness process.

Probably the biggest obstacles to forgiving are the many unconscious beliefs we have about forgiveness and what forgiveness means. Deciding how and when to forgive inevitably means uncovering and discrediting these false beliefs ingrained within.

All of us struggle with forgiveness at various points in our lives. Please help others out by making them aware of this free book offer, which expires on Tuesday November 21st.

Click on this book title to download your free copy of Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom. 

Forgiveness Words of Wisdom

Find Inner peace Through Forgiveness During the Holidays 

Forgive and forget. Easy to say. Often very hard to do.

There is no question that forgiving can be hard, even despite the spirit of the holidays. To help make this coming holiday season one full of forgiveness, we are making our book Forgiveness Words of Wisdom free on Kindle for the next few days.

Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom will provide you with tips, hints, and motivational quotes to help you overcome the common obstacles to forgiveness and to guide you through the forgiveness process.

Get your free Kindle copy today:  Project You Forgiveness Words of Wisdom.

Forgiving Yourself Is Important

Self-Forgiveness is Healthy and Beneficial

We know that forgiveness is hard. 

Even harder for many people, is forgiving themselves for their actions, inaction, words, or thoughts. 

Interestingly, over 65% of the respondents in the Project You Global Survey on Forgiveness admitted that they have difficulties in forgiving themselves sometimes. In addition, another 14% responded that they "often" have difficulties in forgiving themselves. 

Only one in five respondents (21%) to our survey, who came from 18 different nationalities spread across the globe, said they have no difficulties in forgiving themselves. 

It seems that self-forgiveness is not a very common practice. 

The path to self-forgiveness is not often an easy one. In fact, even for those who are good at consistently forgiving others, forgiving one's self is often a more difficult task. 

In order to forgive ourselves, we have to be honest with ourselves and admit our mistakes and wrong actions. Plus, we have to take personal ownership for the wrongdoing. Trying to place blame elsewhere, or making excuses for our behavior, are not congruent with the self-forgiving process. 

On the other hand, not forgiving one's self and learning the lessons from one's misdeeds means to be shackled to the past and unable to move forward. It also extracts serious costs on our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. As Publilus Syrus wrote over two thousand years ago, "How unhappy is he who cannot forgive himself." 

Personal Year of Forgiveness Starts With You

Regular readers of the Project You Life blog will know that we are encouraging everyone to make 2017 a Personal Year of Forgiveness. 

And one of the best places to start this personal program is with one's self. 

Through self-awareness and self-understanding, along with copious amounts of reflection and commitment, everyone can learn to forgive themselves and move beyond their past deeds and actions.

We have created a six-step process for forgiving yourself, which you will find in our latest book Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom. The book launches tomorrow (January 18th) on Amazon in both paperback and Kindle formats. 

The ideas, techniques, and quotes in Project You: Forgiveness Words of Wisdom will assist you on your own journey to inner peace through forgiveness and to your own ability to Live A Determined Life. 

Forgive yourself. Let go of the past. Move on.

May this become your personal forgiveness mantra for 2917 and beyond. 

Forgiveness is Lacking in Families | Results from Global Survey on Forgiveness

Absence of Forgiving Prevalent in Family Relationships and Society 

We were stunned by one result in the 2016 Project You Global Survey on Forgiveness — 39% of the respondents said their own families were not forgiving at all, while another 16% said that their family members were not forgiving "very often." 

Admittedly, we had suspected that the lack of forgiveness is a major cause of family dysfunction. But we had not anticipated the severity of these results. 

With 55% of respondents indicating there is little or no forgiveness within their own families, it is little wonder that people do not feel there is sufficient forgiveness in the world today (88% of the respondents to our survey, who come from 18 different nationalities, agreed that there is not enough forgiveness in today's world). 

Contrast these results with the responses to our questions on forgiveness in the workplace and within the countries in which respondents lived.

While both country level and workplace level forgiveness were deemed to be highly situational, the level of forgiveness in each was remarkably higher than indicated for families. 

For instance, only 19% said forgiveness happens "not very often" and just 3% said forgiveness does not happen at all in the countries in which they live. So that's a 22% lack of forgiveness at the country level compared to the 55% within families.

As for the workplace, just over 14% said that forgiveness in the organizations in which they work happens "not very often" or "not at all." That's about one-fourth the level of the absence of forgiveness in families. 

You can download the full results of the survey here:  2016 Project You Global Survey on Forgiveness. 

Personal Year of Forgiveness 

The lack of forgiveness within families is one of the biggest ills of society. We had suspected that this may only be a problem in the materialized western world. But the responses were fairly consistent across all 18 different nationalities that responded to our global survey on forgiveness. 

We also see the lack of forgiveness occurring frequently in other aspects of today's world. We all witnessed the anger, fury, and antagonism that surrounded last year's Brexit vote and the lengthy U.S. election process. Numerous studies are also showing increased incivility in the workplace across the globe. 

Hence, Project You is calling for 2017 to be a Personal Year of Forgiveness. 

We want to start a dialogue on forgiveness. We want to encourage acts of forgiveness at the family, workplace, and national levels. 

We ask that you help start this dialogue by sharing this blog post and our two previous blog posts (Research Confirms Forgiving Is Difficult and Why Are We So Hesitant To Forgive?) with your family, friends, and colleagues. And please share these in Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and elsewhere. 

And most important, please share with us and your fellow readers in the comments section below your own ideas on how we can stimulate a Personal Year of Forgiveness with everyone. 

Thank you. 

Why Are We So Hesitant To Forgive?

To Forgive Is To Set Yourself Free

The Project You Global Survey on Forgiveness late last year confirms that there is a great deal of hesitancy to forgive. This reluctance to take action is one of the key hurdles preventing more forgiveness in the world, both in our personal and professional relationships. 

In this global survey on forgiveness, we asked participants what action they would take with regards to a person with whom they are currently in conflict. We gave three options: forgiveness, revenge, or do nothing. A full 35% of the respondents, who came from 18 different nationalities, chose the "do nothing" option. 

When asked what is holding them back from forgiveness, 31% indicated pride while another 30% said anger. 

Many people are afraid to forgive simply because somehow they feel they must remember the wrong, the hurt, and the paid they experienced in order to learn and retain the lessons from these. This is utter nonsense. 

There is no need for this. You can remember the lessons without having to hang on to the wrong done to you or to constantly suffer from recalling the agony you felt at the time and since. 

Likewise, forgiveness does not excuse the other person's behavior or words. Forgiveness does, however, prevent their behavior and words from razing your emotions, flattening your spirit, and destroying your heart.

This is why Lewis B. Smedes was so correct when he wrote: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

Personal Year of Forgiveness 

Through our books, our blog, and a series of events we are planning, Project You is dedicated this year to helping people become more conscious of the power of forgiveness and more aware of the numerous benefits of living a forgiving life. 

As such we are also encouraging everyone to make 2017 a Personal Year of Forgiveness by incorporating forgiveness into everything you do, from your New Year's Resolutions and 2017 goal setting to your daily habits. 

Here's why: 

• Practice forgiveness and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness. 
• Practice forgiveness and you will increase your ability to love on all fronts. 
• Practice forgiveness and you will become a better individual, partner, friend, parent, and even co-worker. 

Forgive. Let go. Move on.

May this become your personal mantra in 2017 and beyond. 

Research Confirms Forgiving Is Difficult

Calling for a Personal Year of Forgiveness

Research conducted last year by Project You confirms that for many forgiveness is a difficult process and often not an easy thing to do. 

In our Global Survey on Forgiveness late last year, 45% of the respondents said their first instinctive response, if asked to forgive one person in their life right now, would be "no way." Another 6% expressed self-righteousness ("I didn't do anything wrong, I'm in the right here") and almost 5% indicated an angry response in line with "why should I be the one to forgive?" 

Additionally, when given a choice between forgiveness, revenge, or doing nothing with regards to a particular person with whom they are currently in personal or professional conflict with, 35% chose the "do nothing" option. 

We also asked "does the pain of your hurt or offense seem so great and personal that you find it difficult to share with others?" Almost 37% replied yes to this question. 

Our research project also confirmed that there is not enough forgiveness in the world today (88% of respondents from 18 different nationalities who took part in our survey agreed with this statement). 

There is no question that forgiving can be hard. Complete, unconditional forgiveness is even harder — sometimes even impossible — to grant. 

Extending forgiveness is one of the hardest things we can do, but it is absolutely essential for our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. 

As such, Project You is calling for a Personal Year of Forgiveness.

Personal Year of Forgiveness 

There is so much anger, fury and antagonism in today's world. We have all witnessed this with Brexit, the tonality of the U.S. election, and increasing incivility in the workplace across the globe. 

We are encouraging everyone to consider how they can intentionally be more forgiving, of both themselves and others, in 2017. 

Make this your Personal Year of Forgiveness. Add forgiveness to one of your key New Year's Resolutions or goals for the year. 

Become more conscious of the power of forgiveness and make a conscientious effort to become more forgiving....both in your personal life and in your workplaces. 

What can you do? 

Start by reading about the numerous benefits of forgiveness. Learn and practice the forgiveness techniques that have helped others. Choose one person to forgive before the end of this month and prepare a plan for how you will convey your forgiveness. Share your own ideas and thoughts in the comments box below. 

Marianne Williamson wrote, "The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world." 

There are many parts of our world that need healing today. Let us each take the steps of forgiveness that will create progress in this healing. You can start by sharing this blog post in your social media channels and with your family, friends, and colleagues. 

Help us make 2017 everyone's Personal Year of Forgiveness. 

There's Not Enough Forgiveness In The World Today

Project You 2016 Global Survey on Forgiveness Results

Late last year Project You conducted a Global Survey on Forgiveness. Remarkably we received responses from 18 different nationalities, plus one respondent who identified herself as a "world citizen." 

As expected, there were noticeable differences in the responses received to our 12-question survey. However, there was one thing the vast majority (88%) agreed on — there simply is not enough forgiveness in the world today. 

This is an astonishing response. Equally astonishing is that 39% of the respondents to our survey said members of their own families are not forgiving at all, while another 16% said that their family members were not forgiving very often.  

With 55% of respondents indicating that there is little or no forgiveness within their own families, it is little wonder that people do not feel there is sufficient forgiveness in today's world. We fully agree with Marianne Williamson's comment that "The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world." 

What makes forgiveness so difficult? 

Forgiveness requires the right mindset and attitude. It also requires an appropriate level of humility and the willingness to acknowledge the human values of the other person. And all this needs to be combined with strong personal willpower and fortitude based on deep-seated self-understanding. 

That's not an easy combination to find or generate on demand. 

Often our sense of pride, self-righteousness, and ego get in the way of forgiveness. In fact, these are often huge hurdles. In the Project You Global Survey on Forgiveness, 45% of respondents said their instinctive first reaction, if asked to forgive one person in their life right now, would be "no way." 

Another 6% expressed self-righteousness (I didn't do anything wrong, I'm in the right here), while almost 5% indicated an angry response in line with "why should I be the one to forgive?" 

Less than one-third (32%) responded to this question with the positive choice of "it's really something I should do." 

Responses to the Project You Global Survey on Forgiveness were received from 18 different nationalities: Argentinian, American, Australian, British, Canadian, Dutch, English, French, Indian, Italian, Japanese, Malaysian, Pakistani, Polish, Portuguese, Romanian, Sicilian, Singaporean, and the one woman who identified herself as a World Citizen. 

The detailed survey results can be viewed and downloaded from the Project You website by clicking this link:  2016 Global Survey on Forgiveness Detailed Results

International Forgiveness Day

Forgiving Others Benefits You 

Today is International Forgiveness Day, which is such a great concept we just had to share it with you:

Here are links to three Project You Life blog posts from February last year on forgiveness:

The Gift of Forgiveness 

The Art of Forgiveness 

The Benefits of Forgiveness 

 

Remember, as we wrote last year: 

Practice forgiveness and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness.

Practice forgiveness and you will increase your ability to love on all fronts.

Practice forgiveness and you will become a better individual, partner, friend, parent, and even co-worker. 

Take two minutes and forgive someone today. 

Practice forgiveness and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness.

Practice forgiveness and you will increase your ability to love on all fronts.

Practice forgiveness and you will become a better individual, partner, friend, parent, and even co-worker.

- See more at: http://projectyoulifeblog.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-benefits-of-forgiveness.html#sthash.JU44W5hy.dpuf

Practice forgiveness and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness.

Practice forgiveness and you will increase your ability to love on all fronts.

Practice forgiveness and you will become a better individual, partner, friend, parent, and even co-worker.

- See more at: http://projectyoulifeblog.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-benefits-of-forgiveness.html#sthash.JU44W5hy.dpuf

Practice forgiveness and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness.

Practice forgiveness and you will increase your ability to love on all fronts.

Practice forgiveness and you will become a better individual, partner, friend, parent, and even co-worker.

- See more at: http://projectyoulifeblog.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-benefits-of-forgiveness.html#sthash.JU44W5hy.dpuf

The Benefits of Forgiveness

Sometimes, even when an act is not fully forgiven, people continue to co-exist with their relationships, though perhaps in a slightly altered form. Many couples stay in marriages even when a transgression by one has never been forgiven by the other. For whatever reason, the aggrieved party decides to stow away their feelings of hurt, despite not being able or willing to bestow the gift of forgiveness on their partner.

Here’s some advice from Juan L. Christian, a teacher whose quote comes without any additional reference information, “As you sojourn through life, forgive. No matter what has been done to you, said about you, or how painful it may be. In the end you will feel the warmth of the tapestry of love you’ve created.”

There is a North American Indian proverb that offers advice on not turning those you cannot forgive into enemies, “One foe is too many and a hundred friends are too few.”

Of course, most of the time the people you are unable to forgive do not become your enemies, they are simply removed from your life through your own courses of action. Unfortunately, in doing so, you miss the opportunity to reap the personal rewards that forgiving others bequeaths.

Naturally, forgiveness is also a core component of true friendships. Moulton Farnham illustrated this as follows, “Our friends are those who know their own faults well enough to forgive us ours.”

And, of course, forgiveness is a critical aspect of parenthood. After all, one’s children are a never-ending source for opportunities to practice and display forgiveness! From throwing tantrums to breaking things, and from violating the trust placed in them to committing foolish or illegal acts, children and teenagers require a great deal of forgiveness.

But there is another aspect of forgiveness and parenting. Being a parent also means at times asking forgiveness from one’s children. After all, none of us are perfect, despite our parental attempts and displays to prove otherwise. Kevin Leman, an author and speaker, has aptly written, “I believe the time we really look big in a child’s eyes is when we go to them and apologize for our mistakes and we say: I was wrong, will you forgive me?”

Dr. David Simon has an entire chapter on forgiveness in his book The Ten Commitments, which is well worth reading and referring to from time to time. A highlight from this chapter is:

Forgiveness brings divinity to humanity. More than a mere mood or sentiment, it radiates from a heart that has released pain, resentment, regret, disappointment and guilt. Forgiveness is a practice. It has the power to release constrictions in your heart that inhibit your ability to love.

Practice forgiveness and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness.

Practice forgiveness and you will increase your ability to love on all fronts.

Practice forgiveness and you will become a better individual, partner, friend, parent, and even co-worker.

[This three-part series on Forgiveness is excerpted from the book Project You: Living A Determined Life.]

The previous two blog posts in this series were:

The Art of Forgiveness

The Gift of Forgiveness

The Art of Forgiveness

“Forgiveness is a prerequisite for inner peace," says Dr. David Simon, co-founder of the Chopra Center, who adds, “Holding on to grievances, regrets and resentments is a certain recipe for perpetual suffering.”

This extended explanation from Doc Childre and Howard Martin from their book The HeartMath Solutions sheds further light:

The incoherence that results from holding on to resentments and unforgiving attitudes keeps you from being aligned with your true self. It can block you from your next level of quality life experience. Metaphorically, it’s the curtain standing between the room you’re living in now and a new room, much larger and full of beautiful objects. The act of forgiveness removes the curtain. Clearing up your old accounts can free up so much energy that you jump right into a whole new house. Forgiving releases you from the punishment of a self-made prison where you are both the inmate and the jailer.

Forgiveness is a strength which, while giving comfort or solace to others, has significant recompense for the giver. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

And, as we wrote in our previous post, forgiveness is a gift that is a gift greater to one's own self than to the person you forgive.

Forgiveness is also a loving act as well as an act of love. What’s the difference? A loving act is a charitable one. This is how most people view forgiveness, as an act of charity that is given to another. But in reality forgiveness is a true act of love, the return from which flows more greatly to the giver than to the given, especially when the act eliminates or reduces the feelings of bitterness, resentment, hatred, or disdain in the giver.

William Arthur Ward, the author of Fountains of Faith, had many things to say about love and forgiveness, two of which were:

Hatred and bitterness can never cure the disease of fear, only love can do that. Hatred paralyses life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.

Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.

Does forgiveness mean simply forgetting the wrongs done to you by others? Not at all. But it does mean not letting the wrongs jeopardize the relationship that you have with another, especially if this relationship is significant or meaningful to you.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., a man who deeply understood the importance of tolerance and forgiveness on the larger, social scale, had this to say, “Forgiveness does not mean ignoring what has been done or putting a false label on an evil act. It means, rather, that the evil act no longer remains as a barrier to the relationship.”

Practice the art of forgiving and you will find a higher level of inner peace and happiness.

The Gift of Forgiveness

Hanging on to bitterness and resentment is like eating poison and expecting somebody else to die.

One critical aspect of your personal life to focus on is your ability and willingness to forgive others. You cannot embark upon the Project You Life Journey carrying the burdens of anger, hatred, scorn, resentment, or other negative emotions.

Rather, to benefit from this journey, you need to start by cleansing yourself of all  memories of past misdeeds, hurtful comments and wrong doings by others with the crystal clean waters of forgiveness.

Critical to this undertaking is acknowledging and understanding that, as life coach Randall Worley tells us, “Forgiveness is not an emotion, it’s a decision.”

In some respects, forgiving others their trespasses against you may be the most beneficial selfish act you can do. Confused? Let us explain.

Most of us think that forgiving someone is to the other person’s benefit. After all, when we forgive someone that person can now go on and live their life without carrying the burden of having harmed us. But think about it, do most people really care if they are forgiven? Aren’t they just going to continue living their lives in their own way, either with you or without you in their lives?

So who truly benefits the most from an act of forgiveness? It is most usually the forgiver rather than the forgiven.

Yes, the forgiven person is usually grateful and relieved when they are compassionately granted absolution or clemency for their misdeeds. And sometimes forgiveness, especially unconditional forgiveness, can be a life-turning event that causes the errant person to permanently mend their ways. But more often the receipt of forgiveness allows the offending person to close the book on that incident and move on without further ado.

However, for the forgiving person, this act has powerful internal paybacks of greater significance. As Robert Muller, who became known as the “Philosopher of the United Nations” writes, “To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”

Paul Coelho, the Brazilian author of inspirational novels, cites even higher rewards for the act of forgiveness, “The energy of hatred will get you nowhere; but the energy of forgiveness, which reveals itself through love, will transform your life in a positive way.”

Hence, the gift of forgiveness is a greater gift to one’s own self than it is to the person you forgive, for forgiveness provides you with untold peace, happiness, energy, and a positive transformation of your own life.