Being Happy vs. Happiness

You Have A Right To Determine Your Own Happiness 

There is a significant difference between being happy and authentic happiness, as discussed in the Project You Life blog earlier this month.

Being happy is akin to joy, pleasure, elation, delight and other short-term feelings. Such experiential feelings of being happy are like a drug. As soon as the effect of one happy incident wears off, you go in search of the next thing, person or event that will bring another temporary feeling of enjoyment, gratification or being happy.

For many people, the main cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what they truly and deeply want most (authentic happiness) for something that they want at a particular moment, in the hopes of gaining immediate pleasure or happiness. This is a sure recipe for trouble. As the Indian spiritual teacher Nisargadatta Maharaj said, "All search for happiness is misery and leads to more misery."

Happiness does not come from the outside world. Only you can make yourself happy ── through your reactions, thoughts and other feelings. In fact, it is often said that it takes the same amount of work and effort to make one's self happy as it does to be unhappy.

You have a right to determine your own happiness, and the best way to attain true happiness is to be yourself and live A Determined Life based on your values. If others do not like it, then let them be. Happiness is a choice. Life, especially A Determined Life, is not about pleasing everybody.

As Ralph Martson, writer and publisher of The Daily Motivator website, newsletter and associated products, said, "You don't need anyone else's permission to be happy. Your life is magnificent not because someone else says it is, but because you choose to see it as such." 

As we often say and write: true happiness comes from within and dwells in each of us.

Additionally, because you live in an interdependent world in an interconnected universe, authentic happiness is often attained by helping others or being deeply involved in something bigger than yourself. 

Hence, sometimes the best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer up somebody else. As the old adage goes, "When you see a person without a smile, give them one of yours."

The simple reality of life is that you cannot always be happy. Part of the human journey is to experience the sad parts of life: rejection, disappointment, love that flames out, pain, wishes that go unfulfilled, death, tragedy, conflict, remorse, etc.

However, through the living of A Determined Life, you can attain and maintain Authentic Happiness. 

This article has been partially excerpted from our top-selling book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

The Road Map to Authentic Happiness

Compassion, Kindness and Giving Are the Keys to True Happiness 

There is a lot of truth in the old proverb "it is better to give than to receive." 

Perhaps receiving is surface and transient happiness, while giving is deeper and more permanent happiness. After all, anyone who shares, smiles and gives hugs receives a greater happiness through giving than their recipients. 

As the Chinese proverb says, "A bit of perfume always clings to the hand that gives the rose."

You have, no doubt, been exposed to the pithy saying "money cannot buy happiness." As the theologian William Barclay wrote, "The one thing that all men need to learn about joy is that joy has nothing to do with material things, or with a man's outward circumstances. It is the simple fact of human experience that a man living in the lap of luxury can be wretched, and a man in the depths of poverty can overflow with joy." Substitute the word "happiness" for the word "joy" and Barclay's words are equally resolute.

Since happiness is truly self generated, it is simply a waste of time and effort to try and make other people happy. This is not to say you should not do things for other people that gives them momentary pleasures and happy memories. Far from it. Rather, it is usually not worth the effort to try and change a truly unhappy person into a happy one. This is something which only they can do.

You are never responsible for their unhappiness, nor should you ever shoulder the guilt for another person's unhappiness. If they want to go through a period of their life being unhappy with their circumstances and all that befalls them, you have no choice but to let them do so (painful as this is when it happens to a loved one).

Remember, only those who search within will find the root causes of their happiness. Likewise, only those who search within will discover the underlying causes of their unhappiness. Your role in such situations is to help people look within themselves, but you cannot do this for them.

The best approach in dealing with chronic or constant unhappiness is with compassion. In fact, as The Dalai Lama says, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

Don't worry. (Be happy!) This is not to suggest that you should not enjoy the pleasures and happy moments that life brings. Nor is this a suggestion that you should never give joy, happiness and pleasures to others. You simply need to be aware that these temporary enjoyments are not the ultimate happiness you (or they) want to experience.

Also, this is not to say that you should never offer comfort or support to other people. In fact, it is the opposite. Through kindness and providing comfort to others you are more likely to discover the deep-seated happiness within you.

How you seek out your own happiness will be, naturally, up to you. 

There is really no road map anyone can provide you, though living the principles of a Project You Life Journey will be a good start. This journey will help you discover the true happiness that dwells within you.

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback ($7.89) and Kindle ($6.88) formats. 

Happiness vs. Being Happy

There is a difference between the state of happiness and being happy. 

Seeking happiness through experiences and pleasures rarely works. 

As the social writer and philosopher Eric Hoffer noted, "The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness." 

Adds English novelist C. P. Snow, "The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it."

Novelist Nathaniel Hawthorne described the search for happiness this way: "Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond our grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."

There is a difference between the state of happiness and being happy, having pleasure and experiencing enjoyment. The latter are short-term, temporary feelings based on experiences and thoughts. To put it simply: going to the movies can make you happy, but it has nothing to do with true happiness.

Helen Keller said that true happiness "is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." 

From a Project You Life perspective, that worthy purpose of which she wrote is living a meaningful and full life, as defined by Dr. Seligman:

The meaningful life: using your signature strengths and virtues in the service of something much larger than you are.

A full life: experience the positive emotions about the past and future, savoring positive feelings from the pleasures, deriving abundant gratification from your signature strengths, and using these strengths in the service of something larger to obtain meaning.

The Greek philosopher Democritus said, "Happiness resides not in possessions or gold; the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul."

What else dwells in the soul? 

Caring, giving and kindness are all inherent characteristics of our souls. 

Perhaps, therefore, a key path to happiness comes from caring about others and giving kindness and help to others. 

Could these be the fundamental causes of real happiness? 

The greater our giving and kindness, the greater is our spiritual and innate happiness. Hence, increase your giving and kindness and you are likely to be rewarded with greater spiritual and authentic happiness. 

Uncertain about such a connection? Well, it won't hurt you to try!  

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle ($6.88) and paperback ($7.89) formats. 

True Happiness Comes From Within

Authentic Happiness Dwells Within Each of Us 

Where does true happiness come from? Here are two perspectives:

It is not the level of prosperity that makes for happiness but the kinship of heart to heart and the way we look at the world. Both attitudes are within our power. A man is happy so long as he chooses to be happy, and no one can stop him. Alexander Solzhenitsyn

The secret of happiness is this: let your interests be as wide as possible, and let your reactions to the things and persons that interest you be as far as possible friendly, rather than hostile. Bertrand Russell

Dr. Martin Seligman, the best-selling author and University of Pennsylvania psychologist, has greatly advanced the thinking on happiness in recent years. In his book Authentic Happiness he shows how happiness can be cultivated by identifying, understanding and augmenting traits we already possess ── such as kindness, originality, humor, optimism, and generosity. He calls these "signature strengths" that can guide individuals to make positive choices that result in more meaningful, and therefore more authentically happy, lives.

Dr. Seligman makes it clear that there is a difference between authentic happiness and the pop culture kind, which tells you, in the beautiful lyrics of Carole King:

You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart.

Then people are going to treat you better.

You're going to find, yes you will, that you're beautiful as you feel.

While there is a ring of truth to what King sings, it does not correlate with true happiness. 

Yes, there is nothing wrong with having a positive and happy attitude and showing the world a smile on your face. In fact, such an approach has numerous benefits. However, this merely results in surface happiness, not the deep spiritual kind that comes from living one's values and achieving one's desires.

Happiness that results from life experiences is like a drug. As soon as the effects of one happy incident wears off, you go in search of the next thing that will bring another temporary feeling of enjoyment or being happy.

This is what leads the Charlie Sheens and Tiger Woods of the world astray. Those who cannot find peace and happiness within are doomed to constantly fill their personal enjoyment quotients with on-going, meaningless experiences that keep their happy tanks full.

Pleasure, of course, is a powerful source of motivation. Unfortunately, pleasure does not produce long-lasting change. Rather, it is a disruptive force that builds upon itself and drives our desires to satisfy current (temporary) needs or to simply want to enjoy creature comfort and relaxation, through more short-term pleasures and experiences.

If you cannot find happiness in watching children play in a park, in a beautiful sunrise or in the peace and quiet of a still day, it is unlikely you will find happiness within. 

How you seek out your own happiness will be, naturally, up to you. There is really no road map anyone can provide you, though living the principles of a Project You Life Journey will be a good start. This journey will help you discover the true happiness that dwells within you. 

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle ($6.88) and paperback ($7.89) formats.  

Happiness Is Solely Within Your Domain and Control

Your Happiness Does Not Depend On Others, Things or Events 

Bob Marley tells us "don't worry, be happy" in his song of the same name, and being happy seems to be one of the key focal points of today's human experience.

Being unhappy also now seems to be a valid reason for quitting anything that isn't working out the way one wants (i.e. don't stay in a marriage if it does not make you happy, change jobs if you are not happy with the current one).

If Marley's lyrics are not a philosophy of life for most, then certainly the desire to "have a nice day" seems to reign imperative for many.

It is interesting to note that happiness has not always been a central tenet in philosophy or religious teaching. Back in the mid 1600s, Thomas Hobbes, in his seminal work Leviathan, wrote that the natural condition of man is "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short." Few in civil society today would depict life so harshly, though undoubtedly many in Africa, India and other regions would.

There is a significant difference between happiness and being happy. Happiness, like all feelings, is found within. And it is created and infiltrated by your thoughts and attitude.

The Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus was one of the first to understand this concept. He wrote: "The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live that his happiness shall depend as little as possible on external things." Ideally this is how a Project You Life would be lived.

The very wise Epictetus also propounded that: "Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: some things are within your control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental role and learned to distinguish between what you can and cannot control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible."

In essence, what Epictetus and many others since him postulate is that happiness is enhanced and enriched by others, but does not depend on others. 

This is an important notion to grasp. Your happiness does not depend on any other person, thing or event! It is solely within your domain and control.

This makes a great deal of sense when you stop and think about it. 

After all, external sources of pleasure, enjoyment and happiness are typically brief, fleeting, inconsistent, precarious, ephemeral, and highly subject to change. 

Looking for peace, contentment or happiness from the outside world is a wasted effort, particularly once you realize that true happiness resides within you.

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback ($7.89) and Kindle ($6.88) formats.