From Self Discovery to Self Understanding

Only you know and understand what you can become

The foundation of your own self definition will be expressed in your own self image. What you project to the world, and to yourself, reflects how well you understand yourself. The better this understanding, the greater will be the satisfactions you feel and experience.

For, as the acclaimed actor Sir John Gielgud said, "One's self-image is very important because if that's in good shape, then you can do anything, or practically anything."

Remember, there is nothing obvious or apparent in a caterpillar that foreshadows it becoming a butterfly. Only the caterpillar knows it is going to be a butterfly. Likewise, only you know and understand what you can or will become.

As Buddha said many times, "be a lamp unto yourself," so that you have the insight and understanding of a caterpillar. 

And in doing so, always recall the words of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing; others judge us by what we have done."

This planet is a laboratory of experiences and an infinite university of potential learning for the evolution of our souls. 

Use these experiences and lessons to cultivate a deeper, richer self understanding and you will find a greater balance and harmony in the spirit of your true self. 

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal growth and development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats. 

More Thoughts on Self Esteem

Only You Can Determine Your Self Worth 

Self worth can be built up through one's own stimulus, actions and thinking. 

There's a great deal of truth in this quote circulating on the Internet from someone named Kim Jeffery, "I was worthless, until I decided to be worth more."

In a similar fashion, your ideas are worthless, until you decide what worth they have. Likewise, your actions are worthless, until you decide what worth they have. And so on, and so on.

The singer Pearl Bailey may have summed it up best, "No one can figure out your worth but you."

On the other hand, if you do not deem worth in yourself, or in your ideas and actions, then you will be placing your own limitations on these.

As Richard Bach, author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull and several other outstanding books, wrote, "Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours." 

Similarly Denis Waitley chimed in with, "The greatest limitations you will ever face will be those you place on yourself."

Fear is a major conduit of self-limiting beliefs. You need to develop the skill of understanding and controlling your fears, to ensure you do not act or react out of fear. 

Bertrand Russell, a noted philosopher, wrote: "Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation can be trusted to act humanely or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear."

David Patchell-Evans, an author and Canadian fitness expert, wrote the following in relation to physical exercise programs, but his message actually has broader connotations for life in general:

Most of the limitations you think you have are the ones you have decided on. They are often entirely self-imposed.

You might think "I can't do this, I can't do that, I would never do that, my parents could never do that, I never played baseball, I never climbed a mountain, I never, never, never."

It's the old broken record in your head. Throw out that negative thinking right now! Learn to play a positive message in your head because it's all about attitude.

Hopefully you can see now why we believe self esteem is a core component of Living A Determined Life. 

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal growth and development book Project You: Living A Determined Life. Get your copy today at Amazon in either Kindle or paperback format. 

Self Esteem

Self Worth and Self Respect Are Yours For The Taking

One of psychotherapist and author Nathaniel Branden's most important insights is that, "Self esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves."

Think about that for a moment. You know what your reputation is amongst your friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and family members. 

But what is your reputation with yourself and of yourself? 

In many ways self esteem should be thought of as self respect. For, like all other forms of respect, this must be earned before it is granted freely and willingly.

Self esteem will also heighten your sense of self worth, a topic you are likely to struggle with at various times in your life. In today's society, one's self worth is usually negated and chipped away at by others, and unfortunately most often by the ones you love or care about the most.

Which makes this advice from the author Ralph Marston particularly relevant: "If you really want to improve your self esteem, stop allowing other people to be responsible for it. Instead, create something of value. Make a positive difference." 

Respect yourself. Believe in yourself. Understand yourself. Build and maintain your self esteem. These are the attributes of the self that will enable you to Live A Determined Life. 

For more thoughts, visit our website:  www.ProjectYouLife.com. 

This article is partially excerpted from the Amazon top-selling personal growth and development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Know Yourself: Define Yourself

Only you know what you can or will become

The foundation of your own self definition will be expressed in your own self image. What you project to the world, and to yourself, reflects how well you understand yourself.

The better this understanding, the greater will be the satisfactions you feel and experience.

Remember, there is nothing obvious or apparent in a caterpillar that foreshadows it becoming a butterfly. Only the caterpillar knows it is going to be a butterfly.

Likewise, only you know and understand what you can or will become.

As Buddha said, "be a lamp unto yourself." This will give you the insight and understanding of a caterpillar. 

Doing so will also help you define yourself, both for the world and to yourself. And defining yourself is something you want to do.

After all, as George Bernard Shaw said, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

Here are some quotations from our book Project You: Words of Wisdom to help you go about defining and creating yourself: 

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been. Alan Ashley-Pitt 

How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us, and keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most. Stephen Covey 

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves. Sir Edmund Hillary 

When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. Lao-Tzu 

There is only one success -- to be able to spend your life in your own way. Christopher Morley 

You can judge me all you want. Just keep the verdict to yourself. Steven Howard 

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. African Proverb 

He who is firm in will molds the world to himself. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

There is nothing noble in being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self. Hindu Proverb 

Dogma is living with the results of other people's thinking. Steve Jobs 

This planet is a laboratory of experiences and an infinite university of potential learning for the evolution of our souls. 

Use your experiences and lessons to cultivate a deeper, richer self understanding and you will enjoy a greater balance and harmony in the spirit of your true (self-defined) self.

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Words of Wisdom, which is available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Know Yourself: Self Esteem

Self esteem heightens your sense of self worth

Dr. Nathaniel Branden, a Canadian psychotherapist and writer well known for his work in the psychology of self esteem wrote:

Persons of high self-esteem are not driven to make themselves 

superior to others; they do not seek to prove their value by

measuring themselves against a comparative standard.

Their joy is being who they are,

not in being better than someone else. 

Another of Branden's insights is that, "Self esteem is the reputation we acquire within ourselves." 

Think about that for a moment. You know what your reputation is amongst your friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and family members. 

But what is your reputation with yourself and of yourself? 

In many ways, self esteem should be thought of as self respect. For, like all other forms of respect, self respect must be earned before it is granted freely and willingly. 

Here are some quotations from our book Project You: Words of Wisdom to get you thinking about your own self esteem and feelings of self worth: 

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on. Unknown 

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. Robert Tew 

Seek respect mainly from thyself, for it comes first from within. Steven H. Coogler 

Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. M. Scott Peck 

Your self image is your pattern. Every thought has an activity visualized. Every activity belongs to a pattern. You identify with your patterns of thought. Your pattern leads your life.  J. G. Gallimore 

A growing body of research suggests that self-compassion, rather than self-esteem, may be the key to unlocking your true potential for greatness. Heidi Grant Halvorson 

Self esteem will also heighten your sense of self worth, a topic you are likely to struggle with at various times in your life. In today's society, one's sense of self worth is at times negated and chipped away at by others, often by the ones you love or care about the most.

Which makes this advice from the author Ralph Marston particularly relevant, "If you really want to improve your self-esteem, stop allowing other people to be responsible for it. Instead, create something of value Make a positive difference." 

Fortunately, self worth can be built up through one's own stimulus, actions and thinking. As the saying goes, "I was worthless, until I decided to be worth more."

No one can determine your worth but you.

This article is partially excerpted from the book Project You: Words of Wisdom, which is available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon.

Know Thyself

Know Yourself / Define Yourself

Know Thyself.

Those words, inscribed in gold letters on the temple of Apollo at Delphi, are probably the most important two-word phrase ever written.

Know thyself is a two-step process comprising self awareness and self understanding. 

Self awareness is a heightened sense of continuous attention to one's feelings, emotions, and thoughts. 

Self understanding is being aware of your thoughts about your feelings, emotions, and thoughts -- and being mindful of the impact these are having on your contemplated, intended, or actual actions. 

When combined and integrated, these two steps lead to self definition.

Here are some quotes from our book Project You: Words of Wisdom we hope will help motivate you to better knowing and defining yourself:

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. Buddha

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on. Unknown 

Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world. Miguel de Cervantes 

We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter. Denis Diderot 

The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself. Lao-Tzu

Yes, you need not do anything but be yourself. But first, you have to know and define yourself.

And that will be one of the most fascinating journeys you ever take.

Bon voyage!  

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Words of Wisdom, available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon. 

Following Your Conscience Creates Self Respect

Increasing Self Respect Makes Life More Pleasant 

You know instinctively when you are lying to yourself and trying to rationalize some course of action that your conscience is advising against. 

Going against your conscience usually results in a unpleasant results and a decrease in self respect. 

Follow your conscience and you will wake up each morning with a greater amount of respect for yourself. Disobey your conscience and the seeds of regret and self disenchantment begin to sprout. As William Penn wrote, "Only trust thyself and another shall not betray thee." 

You also need to respect yourself enough to walk away from anything -- or anyone -- that no longer renews you, helps you grow or makes you happy. 

Of course, this is not to suggest that you run away from your responsibilities (particularly parental ones) or your relationships simply because you are unhappy or not feeling any growth. In fact, personal growth will come from how you work your way through such situations.

On the other hand, as Zig Ziglar points out, "Life is too short to spend your precious time trying to convince a person who wants to live in gloom and doom otherwise. Give lifting that person your best show but don't hang around long enough for his or her bad attitude to pull you down. Instead, surround yourself with optimistic people." 

Respecting yourself also includes limiting the amount of damage you do to your body through over eating, alcohol, drugs, and your sleeping patterns. 

Respect is not something that you turn on and off like a water tap. It should gush from you at all times, toward all people, living creatures, the environment, property, and things in general. 

But, of course, before you can truly give respect to others, you have to have respect for yourself. 

Yes, you will occasionally come across people whose actions do not warrant respect. In such situations it is best to recall Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's words above to treat such people "as if they were what they ought to be." In doing so, perhaps you might just help them overcome whatever obstacles and hurdles they face and be a factor in them becoming what they ought to be. 

Even if your own respectful actions do not seem to have any impact on them, at least you will be left with a positive, respectful feeling toward yourself. Such a feeling makes it easier to walk away from idiots and those with self-proclaimed ambits of authority while maintaining peace with yourself instead of being angry with them and the world. 

Just add a little bit of respect into each of your encounters with others, and life will become a whole lot more pleasant and rewarding. 

Please take 10 minutes and think about ways you can improve your own self respect, and what actions you can take to bring more respect into the world around you.

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon. 

The Right Path to Self Respect

Self Respect is a Long-Haul Journey

When these words from Shakti Gawain ring true for you, you will know that you are on the right path to self respect:

"I am learning to be patient and compassionate with myself as I gain the courage to be true to myself."

As detailed in our top-selling book  Project You: Living A Determined Life, it is far more important to be true to yourself than to seek acceptance and confirmation from others. 

The same goes for respect. As Steven H. Coogler writes, "Seek respect mainly from thyself, for it comes first from within."

One of the ironies about respect and self respect was identified centuries ago by the Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu: "When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you."

Your continued personal development comes through the continuous process of building and maintaining high levels of self esteem and self respect. By changing the way you think about yourself, and by changing the internal verbal dialogues you have with yourself, you change your attitude, belief in yourself and your own abilities, the convictions you hold, and your energy levels.

All from simply how you think about and feel about you! 

And, as Lydia M. Child emphasizes, "Belief in oneself is one of the most important bricks in building any successful venture." (The most important venture you ever build will be you.)

Now, a word of caution! This is not a self-hype, temporary motivational exercise. Yes, there is a role for motivational affirmations that temporarily build short-term bursts of self belief (especially in sports and other performance or competitive activities). We have all witnessed underdogs will themselves to victories in countless movies and sporting events.

Rather, this is a long-haul journey requiring the patience and compassion described by Shakti Gawain above. It also requires complete and honest truth with one's self. We all have strengths and limitations. No one is perfect. You have to be honest with yourself about your imperfections.

"Above all," as Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky said, "do not lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lies comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, around him, and so loses all respect for himself and others." 

For most of us, gaining -- and maintaining -- self respect is often one of the most difficult parts of the Project You Life Journey. As we wrote in our previous post on Self Respect Requires Taking Control of Your Thoughts, this takes time, patience and commitment. 

It also takes a willingness to test self-imposed boundaries. And it takes the mental energy required to frequently pause and have reflective conversations with yourself on what you are thinking and feeling about yourself. 

Today......right now.....couldn't be a better time to have such a reflective conversation. 

Project You: Living A Determined Life is a guide to Authentic Success, a journey that starts with self-understanding and self-respect. 

Self Respect Requires Taking Control of Your Thoughts

Self Respect Comes From Total, Unconditional Acceptance of Yourself

You need not be controlled by your thoughts. In fact, you have immense control over your own thoughts, even the subconscious ones. Scientific studies have shown that the subconscious mind can only think what it is told. It cannot create new thought patterns by itself; but only through external stimuli.

Thus, if you tell yourself you are sad, unhappy or angry, then that is what your subconscious will believe and hence will direct you to act accordingly. However, if you tell yourself that you have a significant number of things to be grateful for, no matter how dire the current circumstances may seem, then you will approach your situation in a more positive, optimistic and happier manner.

The key is to fully understand yourself and how you allow situations, comments, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions impact you. As Nido Qubein has written, "Total, unconditional acceptance of yourself is the first step in building a positive self-image." 

As mentioned in our previous post on Self Respect, you have to weed out the negative thoughts circulating in your inner talk. Like weeds in a garden, such thoughts need to be killed, not pruned. 

For many, gaining ─ and maintaining ─ self respect is often the most arduous part of the Project You Life Journey. It takes time, patience and commitment. It takes a willingness to test self imposed boundaries. It takes the mental energy required to frequently pause and have reflective conversations with one's self.

And, of course, it takes the ability to love all mankind as well as yourself. As the writer Joan Didion penned, "To have that sense of one's intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything." 

Our book, Project You: Living A Determined Life, is a guide to Authentic Success, a journey that starts with self-understanding and self-respect. 

The Importance of Self Respect

Time to Garden Out the Weeds in Your Self Respect Thoughts

One important aspect of respect is self respect.

Like many attributes in life, respect for yourself is something you must have before you can give it to others. It is almost impossible to respect and love others if you do not respect and love yourself.

For, as Zig Ziglar has pointed out, "The most influential person who will talk to you all day is you, so you should be very careful about what you say to you!" 

Your heightened self awareness and self understanding, is very critical.

If you are not careful, your constant chatter with yourself will pull you down through negative thoughts that create a poor attitude, an unattractive demeanor and reduced self esteem.

That is why it is important to understand and be aware of what motivates you and what drives your own self respect to lower levels. After all, having low self esteem is like driving through life with your personal hand brake on. 

"To think bad thoughts," notes James Clavell, "is really the easiest thing in the world. If you leave your mind to itself it will spiral down into ever increasing unhappiness. To think good thoughts, however, requires effort. This is one of the things that discipline -- training -- is about."

How do you eliminate, or at least control, the bad thoughts buzzing throughout your mind? 

Jim Rohn answers this question with a gardening metaphor: "You cannot take the mild approach to the weeds in your mental garden. You have got to hate weeds enough to kill them. Weeds are not something you handle; weeds are something you devastate." 

Perhaps it's time to do a little self respect gardening work this weekend?

This article is partially excerpted from Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon.

Self Esteem: Important Ingredient for Authentic Success

Attitude and "Self Talk" Impact Self Esteem and Self Worth

We quoted singer Pearl Bailey at the end of the previous post on self-esteem with her very apt words: "No one can figure out your worth but you."

You cannot accomplish much without a high level of self esteem. And you certainly cannot expect to achieve any level of authentic success with self esteem. 

Your "self talk" plays a critical role in how you perceive your self worth. That's the good news, and the bad news.

By focusing on positive messages, and controlling the quantity of negative thoughts circulating in your brain, you can boost your sense of self worth and your level of self esteem.

On the other hand, if you do not deem worth in yourself, or in your ideas and actions, then you will be placing your own limitations on yourself, as well as in your ideas and actions.

As Richard Bach, author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull and several other outstanding books, wrote, "Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours." Similarly Denis Waitley chimed in with, "The greatest limitations you will ever face will be those you place on yourself."

Fear is a major conduit of self-limiting beliefs. You need to develop the skill of understanding and controlling your fears, to ensure you do not act or react out of fear. Bertrand Russell, a noted philosopher, wrote: "Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation can be trusted to act humanely or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear." 

David Patchell-Evans, an author and Canadian fitness expert, wrote the following in relation to physical exercise programs, but his message actually has broader connotations for life in general:

Most of the limitations you think you have are the ones you have decided on. They are often entirely self-imposed.

You might think "I can't do this, I can't do that, I would never do that, my parents could never do that, I never played baseball, I never climbed a mountain, I never, never, never."

It's the old broken record in your head. Throw out that negative thinking right now! Learn to play a positive message in your head because it's all about attitude.

Yes, throw out all your negative thinking. Right now! Only allow positive messages into your head, particularly from your own "self talk". 

Remember, you cannot expect to accomplish much without a high level of self esteem. 

The road to Authentic Success requires an attitude of positive self esteem and truly knowing your own self worth.

If you want some help in this area, pick up a copy of Project You: Words of Wisdom, which combines motivational messages and quotations from leading thinkers and individuals across the ages with practical tips, techniques, tools, and proven steps to help readers embark on a journey of continuous improvement in both self esteem and self worth. 

This article is partially excerpted from the book ProjectYou: Living A Determined Life, which is available in paperback and eBook formats at Amazon.

Self Esteem: Focusing on Your own Self Worth

No One Can Figure Out Your Worth But You

Dr. Nathaniel Branden, a Canadian psychotherapist and writer known for his work in the psychology of self-esteem wrote, "Self esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves."

Think about that for a moment.

You undoubtedly know what your reputation is amongst your friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and family members.

But what is your reputation with yourself and of yourself?

You cannot accomplish much without a high level of self esteem. And you certainly cannot expect to achieve any level of authentic success without self esteem.

In many ways self esteem should be thought of as self respect. For, like all other forms of respect, this must be earned before it is granted freely and willingly.

Self esteem will also heighten your sense of self worth, a topic you are likely to struggle with at various times in your life. In today's society, one's self worth is usually negated and chipped away at by others, and unfortunately most often by the ones you love or care about the most.

Which makes this advice from the author Ralph Marston particularly relevant: "If you really want to improve your self esteem, stop allowing other people to be responsible for it. Instead, create something of value. Make a positive difference."

Fortunately, self worth can be built up through one's own stimulus, actions and thinking. There's a great deal of truth in this quote circulating on the Internet and attributed to someone named Kim Jeffery, "I was worthless, until I decided to be worth more."

In a similar fashion, your ideas are worthless, until you decide what worth they have. 

Likewise, your actions are worthless, until you decide what worth they have. And so on, and so on.

The singer Pearl Bailey may have summed it up best, "No one can figure out your worth but you."