Being An Authentic You

Revel in the freedom to be yourself by Living A Determined Life. 

Some people try to impress, through fancy titles, clothes, cars, lifestyles, social standing, and other overt displays of perceived success. Sadly, many seek happiness and acceptance this way. Unfortunately, they do not see that they are giving up the freedom to truly be themselves in exchange for these so-called status symbols.

However, those for whom such symbols have little meaning are free from the need to covet and crave them. While they care, to a lesser degree, how other people perceive them, the only standards that matter and concern them are the ones they set themselves. The primary (and sometimes solely) source of acceptance they seek is the one from themselves. They find value in themselves, not from being accepted by others.

As such, these people truly know how it feels to have the freedom to be themselves. And that is a freedom to which you are entitled, no matter what your station or situation in life happens to be.

You have the universal right and freedom to be you. You have the universal right to be free from feeling that you have to please other people or conform to the standards and dictates of others. You are free to be you and to ignore the expectations of others that do not feel right to you.

As the lovable Dr. Seuss penned, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."  

After all, at the end of your journey, you don't want to be asking yourself, "Why wasn't I more like me? How did I get off track from being me?"

Real success in life comes from being true to yourself. If you listen carefully, your spirit will be the one guiding you best on this journey and keeping you on track. That feeling in your gut and that soft, shallow voice in your head telling you that you are not being yourself is your spirit communicating with you.

Being you is a challenging and rewarding undertaking, but nobody can perform the job as well as you. Our blog posts over the next week will provide you some additional ideas and guideposts on how to carry out the job of being you. 

For more great quotes on how to live a determined life, see our book Project You: Words of Wisdom, at Amazon.

Free To Be You

Be Yourself. All Others Are Already Taken. 

The easiest thing in the world is to be yourself. But sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to be yourself.

Why the apparent contradiction?

Because throughout your life many people will be pushing and pulling you to be something else, something they want you to be. But you do not want to conform to other people's desires and standards. You want to be true to yourself.

"To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best day and night into making you like everybody else," said poet E. E. Cummings, "is to fight the hardest battle there is and never stop fighting."

Or, as Oscar Wilde said, "Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken." 

Only you get to decide what you will do, when you will do it, and how much effort you will put into it. Only you get to decide what is of importance to you. Only you set your own standards, morals, principles, and values.

Sure, others will try to exert influence on many aspects of your life and your character. Such influence, however, is not decision-making authority. At the end of the day, all decisions about you, your future and your path are yours and yours only.

The greater the depth of your own self understanding, the greater will be your control and confidence in the decisions you make about yourself and your future. There is no need to please anyone else, much less everyone else, and thus you need not try. 

You are free to be you. It's what we call Living A Determined Life.

This article is excerpted from our top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon. 

Authentic Satisfaction and Happiness

Be All That You Can Be 

Authentic satisfaction and happiness comes partially through reaching your full potential. Some tips for achieving this:

·         Live in "prime time" rather than watching prime time TV.

·         Life is a collection of memories, not of material things. Collect what truly matters.

·         Aim not for what you are. Aim not for what you can be without effort. Aim for what you could be.

·         The most important thing about motivation is goal setting. You have to have a goal, a desired outcome, in mind.

·         The achievement of one goal is simply the starting point for another. Build upon each achievement to climb your own personal ladder of success.

·         Successful people are opportunity minded. Do not be problem minded. Problems are merely opportunities clothed to deceive. Nourish your opportunities and give sufficient attention to problems to turn them into recognizable and attainable opportunities.

·         Expect greatness of yourself. In the words of John Steinbeck, "It is the nature of man to rise to greatness if greatness is expected of him."

Every one of us has options about what we will do with our lives and what we will make of ourselves along our respective journeys. However, no matter what paths we each choose and whatever options we each select, once our individual decisions are made we all have basically two choices:

1)      to be less than what we have the capacity to become, or

2)     to be all that we can be, to strive as best we can with the skills we have and the circumstances given.

The first option leads to an empty life, even if material reward and recognition are gleaned.

The second option leads to a life fulfilled with an abundance of true self satisfaction and authentic happiness that no man or woman can ever take away. It is what we call Living A Determined Life. 

Which option will you choose? 

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal and professional development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle ($6.88) and paperback ($7.89) formats. 

Reaching Your Full Potential

Leverage Your Desire to Become More and More of What You Are 

In the Project You philosophy, success is the on-going process of becoming better, of striving to become the best that you are truly capable of being, in whatever endeavors you choose. 

Project You people are always expanding themselves ── intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, or even physically (at least health wise). Doing so rewards them with the authentic satisfaction and happiness they seek.

You will not find directional signs, helpful hint cards or a detailed map when you choose your path to success. The road to success is a progressive journey full of bumps, hurdles, helpful people, intermittent small victories, occasional spurts of unbridled happiness, unexpected setbacks, and other things both good and bad.

As you pass each milestone and marker along the way, and overcome the hurdles and obstacles placed before you, the journey becomes easier ── provided the lessons of experience are learned and followed.

In many ways, the journey to success correlates with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs pyramid, which he developed as part of a paper on human motivation. People stop at the level they feel most comfortable with, which for most seems to be satisfying their need for love and belonging through friendships, family and sexual intimacy. A handful will progress to the higher level of self-esteem and having the respect of others. Only the very few proceed to the peak of his pyramid, which is known as the self-actualization level.

You will rise to the level at which you feel most comfortable, which is fine. This is not a competition and the pyramid structure does not define a finish line for everyone atop the peak. We all have different needs and thus reach our own authentic level of satisfaction based on the fulfillment of those personalized needs.

Maslow described self-actualization as "the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming." 

Thus, the person who wants to be an ideal parent is on par with one who wishes to be an exemplary teacher. Both will achieve self-actualization if they reach their full potential in their chosen aspirations. 

Do you have a desire to become more of what you are? Our 30-60-90 Day Personal Action plan may help:  http://www.livingadeterminedlife.com/personal-change-action-plan 

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal and professional development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Passion Leads to Authentic Happiness and Greater Self Satisfaction

Keep Rekindling Your Passion

There will be times when your inner fire goes out. 

At such times you will need to reflect and resolve whether it is the passion for a particular project, event, person, or thing that has gone out, or if it is something on a larger scale. It may, in fact, be an overall cloud impacting numerous aspects of your life. This happens.

Whatever the cause, reflection, reading inspirational and thought-provoking authors, and increasing your health and fitness will combine to supply you with the spiritual, emotional and physical energy needed to help you through such periods of waning passion. The most important thing is for you to know how to rekindle your flames of passion, as the method for each of us differs.

Passion will help you through good times and bad. When there is no passion the deep-down desire to do a thing is lacking. When there is passion, the desire to do something often becomes the power to do it.

As Anthony Robbins says, "There is no greatness without a passion to be great, whether it's the aspiration of an athlete or artist, a scientist, a parent or a business person."

Here is one of the beauties of life. Greatness does not require performing on a world stage, or even a national one. Greatness is equal whether found in a superior athlete like Michael Jordan, in a scientist like Albert Einstein, in a chef in a local restaurant, or in a school teacher who unearths or triggers the imagination and creativity of her students.

The key to all such greatness is the passion found in the inner core of these people. Their greatness results from their passions. 

As the great 19th century American writer Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "Nothing great has ever been accomplished without enthusiasm." 

What are you passionate about? Which of your passions needs rekindling at this moment? 

Today is a great time to stop and reflect on your passions, and how to spend more time on the things for which you are most passionate. 

Doing so will help keep you on the path of Living A Determined Life. 

This article is partially excerpted from our top-selling personal and professional development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback ($7.90) and Kindle ($6.88) formats.  

More Thoughts on Self Respect

The most important venture you will ever build will be YOU. 

For many of us, gaining ─ and maintaining ─ self respect is often the most arduous part of the ProjectYou Life Journey. It takes time, patience and commitment. It takes a willingness to test self imposed boundaries. It takes the mental energy required to frequently pause and have reflective conversations with one's self.

And, of course, it takes the ability to love all mankind as well as yourself. 

As the writer Joan Didion penned, "To have that sense of one's intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything."

When these words from Shakti Gawain ring true for you, you will know that you are on the right path to self respect:

"I am learning to be patient and compassionate with myself as I gain the courage to be true to myself."

It is far more important to be true to yourself than to seek acceptance and confirmation from others. 

The same goes for respect. As Steven H. Coogler writes, "Seek respect mainly from thyself, for it comes first from within."

One of the ironies about respect and self respect was identified centuries ago by the Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu: "When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you."

Your continued personal development comes through the continuous process of building and maintaining high levels of self esteem and self respect. By changing the way you think about yourself, and by changing the internal verbal dialogues you have with yourself, you change your attitude, belief in self and your own abilities, the convictions you hold, and your energy levels.

All from simply how you think about and feel about you! 

And, as Lydia M. Child emphasizes, "Belief in oneself is one of the most important bricks in building any successful venture." (The most important venture you ever build will be you.) 

This article is excerpted from the top-selling personal and professional development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in paperback ($7.90) and Kindle ($6.88) formats. 

Living A Principle Centered Life

Be Unflinching in Your Commitment to Your Principles 

Living A Determined Life means being totally committed to your principles and values. 

However, one of the most important things about personal principles is to understand that you cannot impose your values on others. 

For instance, suppose you place a high value on punctuality, but your partner does not. Any efforts you make to impose your value of punctuality on your partner will undoubtedly lead to numerous spats followed by many moments of anguish and despair.

When you make judgments of others based on your principles, friction ensues.

One aspect of emotional maturity is the ability to leverage your values with courage in your decisions and actions, combined with the ability to do so in consideration of the feelings and convictions of others. 

Another aspect of emotional maturity is the ability to understand how the values of others form a foundation for their own decisions and actions, even when these are not acceptable to you or are in direct opposition to your own views and convictions.

When you are emotionally mature you can have a great deal of ego strength, while maintaining respect and empathy for others.

Your principles require 100% commitment and dedication. They are not something to be pulled out of your wallet or purse and used to pay for your experiences in life like some kind of values credit card.

Be unflinching in your commitment to your principles. As Denis Waitley has written, "Moderation in temper is always a virtue. Moderation in principle is always a vice."

And lastly, by all means stick to your principles through hardships, turmoil, disappointments, heartaches, and in those moments when it seems like life would be easier if you just made a little compromise here or there. When it comes to your principles, there is no such thing as a "little" compromise.

In the words of Thomas Jefferson, "In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock."

 This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life. Get your copy today at Amazon in either Kindle or paperback format. 

Principles Create A Meaningful Life

Your Conscience has a Full Understanding of Your True Principles. 

A person who has principles and displays these will be respected and liked by the people most important in their life. More important, such a person will be respected and liked by himself or herself as well. 

Principles are the foundation for a meaningful and worthwhile life.

No one can teach you which principles to inculcate within yourself, for the simple reason that what works for some may not work for you. Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everybody else is absolutely unique. 

Your principles and values are what create your authentic self. 

There is no magic formula for always living up to your personal values, though this advice from philanthropist W. Clement Stone comes close:

Have the courage to say no.

Have the courage to face the truth.

Do the right thing because it is right.

These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.

The importance of knowing and understanding your principles cannot be over emphasized. As William F. Scolavino said, "The height of your accomplishments will equal the depth of your convictions."

Your inner spirit, usually speaking to you via your conscience, will always have a full understanding of your true principles. 

Listen to and obey your conscience. It speaks to you through an inner voice telling you things that we often refer to as hunches or gut feelings. Trust your hunches and gut feelings, for these are based on facts, principles and values that are coded and ingrained at your unconscious, spiritual level.

In other words: trust yourself. It's the best way to Live A Determined Life. 

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Values Form Your Principles

Principles are never Old Fashioned or Out of Date

Values form your principles. For instance, having a core value for integrity results in a principle never to tell a lie or hide the whole truth from someone. 

And, like values, principles should be put into a hierarchical structure, as at times two or more of your principles may be in conflict. It is important that you organize your principles by priority, based on which is most important to you.

For example, how would you handle a situation where a friend or colleague is about to drive off from a party in an inebriated state? He says he's fine to drive, but you think he should not be driving.

Does your principle of not interfering in other people's personal decisions overrule your principle of believing that drunk driving is wrong? Or vice versa? Will you be willing to risk the friendship or workplace relationship to prevent a possible tragedy?

If you respond with "it depends on who the person is" or "it depends on how high he appears to be," you are taking a situational approach and not a principled one.

If you decide that you place a higher value on not interfering in someone's personal decisions over the principle that drunk driving is wrong, then that is your hierarchical ranking for these two principles.

Your individual principles need to be formed around the great values of life, things like truth, love, the sanctity of life, integrity, being a person of your word, justice, fairness, friendship, spirituality, etc.

Despite the current trend of modern humanity to focus on happiness and pleasure as the cornerstones of life, do not think that matters of principle are old fashioned or past their use-by date. They are not and deep down they never will be. They are what make your own authentic self. 

Now is a good time to take 15-30 minutes and write down your own personal values and principles, and then reflect on how these will help you Live A Determined Life. 

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Principles

Your Principles Require 100% Commitment and Dedication

There will be times in your life when you are called upon to stand up for your principles, especially if you have principles based on your core personal values.

These moments need not be major, life-defining incidents. Rather, they often crop up during mundane day-to-day activities. When you take action in accordance with your principles, often called living up to your principles, the glow of self satisfaction can be immense and is reward enough in itself.

However, when you do not act in harmony with your principles, a little piece of you dies inside and your soul becomes uncomfortable and agitated. 

7 Key Elements of a Project You Life 

A lot of the literature we read and the stories we hear while growing up feature characters struggling or learning to formulate their principles and act accordingly. One common lesson in most of these stories is that principles are not situational, something many people forget when becoming adults and entering "the real world."

Principles are the rocks upon which your decisions for action should be made. Your principles help ensure that you live up to your personal values, and thus need to be  solidly entrenched in your psyche and persona. As Edward R. Lyman wrote:

Principle ─ particularly moral principle ─ can never be a weathervane, spinning around this way and that with the shifting winds of expediency. Moral principle is a compass forever fixed and forever true.

Your principles require 100% commitment and dedication. They are not something to be pulled out of your wallet or purse and used to pay for your experiences in life like some kind of values credit card.

One of the best ways to Live A Determined Life will be, to paraphrase Shakespeare's famous line, to thine own principles be true. 

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Becoming An Authentic You

Moving from the ego-centered self to your absolute self. 

The self-help gurus will inundate you with messages along the lines of:

Any day you want you can discipline yourself to change anything and everything about your life that does not satisfy you or make you happy. It is only up to you to decide to make changes and then to take action to instill these changes within your life. It's only up to you! 

The Project You Life message is that yes, you can make any change you want, but that any such changes will only satisfy you and make you happy if they are predicated on a clear sense of authentic self awareness and self understanding.

Otherwise, it is like putting icing on a cake. Doing so does not change the texture or flavor of the actual cake; it just changes the eating experience by coating the cake with a preferred topping.

In his book Zen Bow Zen Arrow Awa Kenzo writes, "No matter the art, the most important thing is to establish who you really are. That is, move from the ego-centered self to the absolute self." 

As we wrote several weeks ago in our blog post on Self Awareness and Knowing Yourself, it is always a good idea to take time to pause and get to know (and understand) who you truly are. 

This article is partially excerpted from the top-selling personal growth and development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available at Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Deeper Self Understanding -- Part One

The key to self understanding is to be open and honest with yourself. 

In the previous Project You Life Blog post on Self Understanding (Part Two), we shared with you that self understanding will help you become and remain authentic. And, of course, you want to be authentic. 

Of course, you cannot be authentic if you do not know who you truly are. That is where self understanding comes in. Self reflection is the best school you will ever attend, and it is best that you become a lifetime student enrolled in this school.

Howard Gardner, a psychologist at the Harvard School of Education, differentiated between two types of personal intelligence:

interpersonal intelligence ── being the ability to understand other people and what motivates them, and

intrapersonal intelligence ── being an inward capacity to form an accurate, genuine and truthful model of one's self.

Gardner described the core interpersonal intelligence as the "capacities to discern and respond appropriately to the moods, temperaments, motivations, and desires of other people." He depicted intrapersonal intelligence as the key to self-knowledge with "access to one's own feelings and the ability to discriminate among them and draw upon them to guide behavior."

The key to true self understanding is to be open and honest during your reflective dialogues with yourself.

It is also important to tune out what others say about you. As the Trappist Monk Thomas Merton wrote in his book No Man Is an Island, "Others can give you a name or number, but they can never tell you who you really are. That is something you yourself can only discover from within."

Also, do not get caught up in thinking your job title, your possessions or anything else you associate with are the real you. In the words of Eckhart Tolle:

The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, personal and family history, belief systems, and often political, nationalistic, racial, religious and other collective identifications.

None of these are you.

Understanding the true motivations behind your thoughts and actions will place you in a better position to do what is right (for yourself as well as for others) when confronted with options and alternatives.

Likewise, realize that material wealth and creature comforts will not define who you truly are. Nor will they determine who your children truly are. Yes, a comfortable childhood usually leads to a more comfortable life as an adult. No one is arguing that there is a need to live in abject poverty to "find one's true self." On the other hand, as Andrew Carnegie said, "He who dies with wealth dies with shame."

To determine if what you are doing is in line with your values, ask yourself "why" are you doing it? Why are you starting that new business venture or creating that new product? To make money? Fine. But is that what you truly value? Or is it to make a difference in people's lives? The latter resonates much more strongly for most, as it is in line with their true values. 

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Self Understanding -- Part Two

Understanding Yourself Will Help You Become Authentic

The various writers, speakers and products of the self-help industry all have one theme in common ── every person can take responsibility for changing and building their lives. That's a great start, but what most of the strategies and ideas proffered have lacked has been guidance in helping their students and readers come to grips with their true inner selves.

They have been great at helping people improve their self images, build stronger egos, identify ways to motivate themselves, and design strategies for personal goal attainment. But what they usually did not provide were tools and strategies for developing a better rapport with, and deeper understanding of, one's spiritual self.

As the late Dr. David Simon, co-founder of the Chopra Center, wrote, "The self-image or ego is what we hold to be true about ourselves and what we want others to believe about us. Most people believe they are their self-image and, therefore, diligently strive to protect it. In defense of our image, we imprison our spirit."

Self understanding will help you become authentic and remain authentic in the large majority of your actions. And you want to be authentic. According to Dr. Simon:

Authenticity is an alignment between your beliefs, your desires and your choices in the world.

Desires change throughout the course of a life, but agreement between ideals, aspirations and deeds is key to a life of peace, happiness and success. When you act in ways unlikely to fulfill your genuine desires, you experience the inner friction of a life out of alignment.

Desires that are in alignment with core beliefs generate powerful actions. Like a wave that draws from the depths of the ocean, actions connected to your authentic self are more likely to manifest your intentions.

In his book The Ten Commitments, Dr. Simon goes on to explain:

Choices that are in alignment with what we know, feel and believe to be true generate a natural sense of ease and confidence. When we allow distractions to intervene between our core values and the choices we make in the world, our energy is depleted. These distractions become false idols that block access to the divine.

The two underlining principles of Dr. Simon's thinking on authenticity are straight-forward:

Being authentic means assuming the responsibility for writing the story of your life.

Committing to authenticity means taking responsibility for what you choose to do and what you choose not to do.

Chapter two of his book The Ten Commitments is devoted to the concept of "A Commitment to Authenticity" and is well worth reading.

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top-selling personal development book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in Kindle and paperback formats. 

Self Understanding -- Part One

The more you understand yourself, the more you understand the world. 

Self awareness is like putting your foot into a lake to see how cold the water is. Self understanding is diving into the lake to see how deep it is.

The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu placed great emphasis on self understanding. He wrote, "He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise."

Self understanding enables you to plumb the depths of your own inner spirit, and to seek out amazing discoveries about yourself. You will likely learn a lot more than you bargained for, including lessons about life, spirituality, other people, love, faith, and many other topics.

Paul Coelho wrote, "The more you understand yourself, the more you will understand the world." And centuries earlier, Aristotle told his followers, "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." It is sad that more people do not understand the linkages between self understanding and universal wisdom.

The past three decades have seen a litany of self-help books, tapes, videos, CDs, DVDs, webinars, and live programs produced. In fact, the entire self-help industry went from start-up phase to maturity in less than 40 years. The foundation the self-help movement in the latter years of the 20th Century were these words from the 19th Century American psychologist William James: "The most important discovery of my generation is people can change their lives by changing their minds."

Ever since, self-proclaimed gurus, personalities and industry leaders have been trying to help people change their minds through "attitude adjustments" and "positive thinking." Unfortunately, the majority of them failed to educate their followers that you must first have a firm understanding of yourself before implementing their programs and advice, so that your mind and your spirit are not in continual conflict.

Perhaps this is because the journey of self awareness and self understanding is a difficult and long one. As Miguel de Cervantes wrote, "Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world." 

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top-selling book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats. 

Self Awareness and Success -- Part 2

Knowing Yourself Creates a More Meaningful and Successful Life

Self observation and continuous attention to your feelings, emotions and thoughts are crucial aspects of your personal self-development journey. 

Through these observations you will identify your core strengths, areas for improvement and techniques for greater self control.

George Gurdjieff, an author and spiritual teacher of the early 20th Century, wrote, "Self-observation brings man to the realization of the necessity of self-change. And in observing himself a man notices that self-observation itself brings about certain changes in his inner processes. He begins to understand that self-observation is an instrument of self-change, a means of awakening."

When you awaken to your true self, you not only change your destiny, you grab control of it with two hands firmly on the steering wheel of your life. Your dreams become your reality. Your choices will be based on meeting your most important needs, leading to what psychologist Abraham Maslow described as "self actualization."

"A man must be obedient to the promptings of his innermost heart," wrote Roberston Davies, one of Canada's most distinguished men of letters. The first step, of course, is to have a clear awareness of what reverberates in your innermost heart.

As Maslow wrote, "A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself."

Do what makes you happy and that which sparks the passion within, and then you will be at peace with yourself.

Or, as George Bernard Shaw said, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." That philosophy is at the heart of the Project You Life Journey and Living A Determined Life.

It all starts with self awareness. As Maslow stated, "What is necessary to change a person is to change their awareness of themselves."

As pointed out above, there are four parts to you ── your mind, your body, your heart, and your soul.

It is easy to be aware of your body and your bodily functions. You spend all your conscious hours, and even some hours of sleep, listening to your mind chattering away.

The hardest task, and the most revealing one despite the monumental effort required, is to be fully aware of your emotions and your spirit, for these form that inner self at the core of your personal universe.

By rising to this challenge, a more meaningful life awaits.

This article is excerpted from the Amazon top seller Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats. 

Your Conscience and Self Awareness

Create a Strong Belief in Yourself and What You Want. Live in Harmony with the Universe. 

Your conscience plays a key role in your quest for self awareness. Some might equate the conscience to one's self awareness, but in fact they are two separate aspects of the inner self.

Self awareness is being conscious of your feelings, emotions and thoughts; whereas your conscience evaluates your feelings, emotions and thoughts and assigns judgmental scores or values to them.

For example, you may want to cry about something that has happened. Your self-awareness abilities will help you identify all the emotions, thoughts and feelings that are combining to cause the tears that are about to burst forth (a physical response to your mental, emotional and spiritual components). 

Your conscience, on the other hand, will judgmentally tell you whether crying in this instance is right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate, if the crying should take place in public or privately, and the "correct" length of time allowed for the shedding of your tears.

In many ways, strong self awareness (and strong self understanding) requires an ability to keep one's conscience in check so that your true feelings, emotions and thoughts are allowed to surface unhindered. After all, if you want to cry, go ahead and cry. Why should your conscience prevent you from experiencing an innermost feeling? In fact, such inhibitions may be detrimental to the full development of your spirit (i.e. the real you).

Stephen R. Covey, the legendary author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, wrote in his later work First Things First, "One of the most powerful uses of self-awareness is to become aware of conscience and how it works within us."

As the Polish proverb goes, "Conscience is the voice of the soul." And in most cases you will want to listen to that voice.

But your conscience is, unfortunately, also formed by the lessons taught to you by your parents, teachers, societal rules, and the cultural customs, norms and practices in which you were raised.

As a result, your true conscience (that true voice of your soul) will at times be in conflict with the one shaped and formed by these other outside influences. This is when you know (instinctively and deep down) that something is not right, but that you cannot prevent or change it.

The more in tune you are with your inner self, and the closer you are to being driven by self actualization (refer to Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs), the less likely you are to compromise your principles or trample on your values.

Shame, one of the worst personal feelings one can have, arises from the fear or realization that one's actions have not been in accordance with one's true inner self. 

Do not be afraid to not live up to the expectations (or rules) of others. The rules and expectations of others are unlikely to power your dreams and desires. Instead, be afraid of failing to live up to your own expectations and to your own principles, values, morals, rules, and ethics.

Here are two quotes from Marcus Aurelius, the 2nd Century Roman Emperor, that reinforce these last two points:

You can change your beliefs so they empower your dreams and desires. Create a strong belief in yourself and what you want.

He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe.

This article is excerpted from the top-selling book Project You: Living A Determined Life, available in paperback and Kindle formats at Amazon.